Hey, I have a good idea.
What's that?
Well, you know how we were talking the other day about what we might do once we get out of jail?
Yeah, I remember. You said you were thinking of learning how to do the unicycle.
I was, I was. But I had a better idea just now.
Ok, let's hear it.
Ok, get this: You and me, we'll start a company.
Dude, this is already a bad idea. I don't know the first thing about running a company.
No, no. Wait for it. You and me, we'll start this company, see? And this company, well, what it will do is get people's phone numbers listed in a business directory.
Dude, a business directory? What the hell? I don't know what you've been smoking....wait, yeah I do. I see Tony J. over there. Did you get me some?
No man, listen! This has nothing to do with what I've been smoking.
Well, I have no idea how to get a job with the phone company or whatever you're saying. Much less own the company. Dude. Why didn't you get me anything from Tony?
LISTEN. We don't have to know anyone at the phone company. That's why this is so genius! All we have to do is make up a phone directory for businesses. It doesn't even have to be real! We just tell the people it's real, see?
So we're going to start a company that tells people we have a made-up business directory?
No. Dude! Listen to me. We're going to start a company where we call people, tell them that we have this big important phone listing that they have to be in. And then we will ask them to tell us what their phone number and address and name is and all that stuff, and then once they do, we'll send them the bill. Bam! Easy money!
But what if they say they don't want to be in your directory?
Well, hmmm. Maybe we can threaten to kill them. You're in here for something like that, right?
Yeah, dude, but that won't work, not over the phone anyway. I know! Let's just tell them that they were already in the directory and we are just updating their information. Then they won't say they don't want to be in it, because they already are in it!
Total genius, man. Ok, and I have an even better idea, too. Let's tape record all the conversations we have with people, and somewhere during the conversation we can ask them a yes or no question that they will always answer with yes.
Something like "Do you have anyone you want killed?"
No, no, not everyone rolls like that. Maybe something like "Do you have a phone?" because we already know they have a phone, dude. They just answered it!
Ok, so let me get this straight. When we get out on parole, we are going to make a company, call businesses on the phone, ask them to verify their name, address and phone number so that we can update our listings in our business directory, ask them a yes or no question, record the whole conversation, and then send them a bill for their new "listing"?
Yep. And then if they ever dispute the bill, we'll just play back the conversation that we recorded, only we'll dub in a question that goes "Do you want to buy a new listing in our directory?" and then have their recorded "Yes". It's foolproof!
Dude. This is awesome. How long 'til you get out?
Man, I don't even know. They keep denying parole. Wait. Maybe we can do it from in here! All we need is a phone.
