All Or Nothing

My Parents: A Glimpse

Mom (to me):  So anyway, that's why I didn't have a profile picture on Facebook for a while, I just...

Dad (coming home from work and interrupting the conversation):  Hey!  I sent you, like, 10 text messages today and you never responded to any of them!

Mom:  I did too, I responded to one of them and said that I was busy and didn't have time to text message.

Dad:  Yeah, but what about after that when I kept sending them?  You just ignored all those.

Mom:  What I wanted to text back was 'Clearly you aren't working hard enough if you're text stalking me all day'.

Dad:  I was waiting on a message like that, that's why I kept sending 'em.

:)

If You Were In My Head

• Is this song by Pink?  I think it's Pink.  Do I even like Pink? 
• If I put on mascara right now, it's a guarantee that someone will come in the store when I only have one eye done, rendering me the one-eyed wonder
• Maybe I do like Pink
• Am I hot enough to turn on the A/C?  I'm not actually sweating yet
• No one's walked by for a while, maybe it's safe to start Operation Mascara
• I wonder if makeup really makes us look better, or if we're just so used to how we look in makeup that we think it looks better
• If it does actually make us look better, score one for girls, because you guys have nothin'
• Aww man, of COURSE someone is coming in right now!  Unbelievable
• Oh good, it's just the mail lady, she'll be too busy complaining to notice my lack of left eye lashes
• This is the most confusing rant I have ever heard, I think she is saying her manager has given her too MANY hours in which to complete her deliveries on this route...
• I need to change the dress on that mannequin stat
• Yes, mail lady is definitely telling me that she has proven to the higher ups that her route takes less time than what they have given her to do it in...I still am failing to see why this is a problem
• Definitely A/C time, starting to feel like a sauna in here
• Is this song lyric saying I want to taste all the chemicals inside?  That can't be healthy
• Do most people use their dominant hand for all eye makeup application?  Or do they use right hand on right eye and left hand on left eye?
• Ooh, Kings of Leon, much better
• I need to change my voicemail to be more like the one I heard the other day: "hey, this is Mr. X, sorry I missed your call, leave me a message if you'd like, OR you can send me a text, that seems to be the best way to get a quick response".  Genius!  I hate voicemail
• Is this dress too short?  I think it's definitely too short for 28.  Wow, when did I start thinking that way?
• I hate almost nothing more than hurting people's feelings
• Fire ants, I do hate those more I think.  It's at least a tie
• Ha, if I had to choose one, being bitten by fire ants for a good portion of every single day, or hurting someone's feelings every day, I wonder which it would be?
• I think I'd start getting immune to both after a while. so maybe it's a bad question.  OR, maybe extended exposure to fire ant poison would kill me, thus rendering the entire experiment moot
• Doubt it, those suckers aren't taking me down like that
• Maybe I should start carrying ant poison around in my car with me, and every time I see a hill, just wage war right then and there
• Is that one of those things that would make me endearing, lovably eccentric, or just plain weird?

After reading this post, you may advise me to go back to my old plan of NOT blogging :)

A Question For The Ages

So, the alphabet survey/meme/whatever is fun, huh?  This post isn't meant to replace that one - if you still wanna play, just comment on that post and I'll assign you a letter.  So far lots of you are doing it and I've had a great time reading all the lists.

Okay - I'm gonna try not to show my hand on this one, so I'll just ask the question and shut up.  However, let me IMPLORE you to answer - it won't take any time at all, you'll remain completely anonymous, and (most importantly) you will be HELPING ME PROVE A POINT TO MILLIONS.  Well, maybe thousands.  Okay, okay, hundreds.  Or maybe just to this guy.

Feel free to comment as well, if your passion for or against the Brazil nut transcends the poll answers provided. I know mine does.

This Post Brought To You By The Letter T

T, as in THERMOMETER.  And I can use thermometer as the word du jour, because I don't have any strong feelings towards thermometers, one way or the other, and therefore that won't mess up this meme I'm about to do.

Yeah, yeah I know.  A meme.  Or survey, or quiz, whatever you wanna call it.  But don't worry, this one is decently entertaining and easy.

The rules:

You leave a comment on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

And then you each send me $25. 

What?  That isn't on the other people's rules?  Well I'll meet you halfway, you don't have to do cash, you could just do a gift card or something.  Geez.  Where's your holiday spirit?

1.  Tea.  Yeah I know, it seems a little bit cheaty since T and Tea are basically the EXACT SAME THING - tricky phonetics - but I genuinely love tea.  Green tea, specifically.  I drink probably 2- 4 cups per day, and yeah yeah I know all the good stuff about moderation, but it's better than soda and my tea tags say cute little things like "grace brings trust, appreciation, love and prosperity".  How can you find anything wrong with that?  I DARE YOU TO TRY.

2.  Tree pose.  Balancing poses in yoga are my kyrptonite and yet I can always count on tree pose to be a real winner.  Steady, easy, natural - it's the one thing I can count on when every other balancing sequence sends me toppling in all directions.

3.  Tiramisu.  Mascarpone cream, chocolate, espresso, ladyfingers... does it get any better than this?  No, no, it does not.

4.  The Raconteurs - namely, their newest album Consolers of the Lonely.  Honestly my favorite album, start to finish, since Radiohead's In Rainbows.  And this is my list, so I can consider "The" as my T-word, NO COMPLAINING.

5.  Travel.  I get super antsy if I am stuck in the same place for any real amount of time.  Even a couple of weeks, and I need a day trip or something.  I love the adventure, I love airports (even after being stuck in way too many of them for way too long), I love watching other people and wondering where they're going and what their stories are, and I love finding myself in a completely different place.  It kind of gives you a fresh start every time.

6.  Texting.  I confess, I am one of those people you probably hate.  Unless you're like me, in which case you would LOVE to be my phone buddy.  I have gotten to the point where, unless a seriously complicated conversation needs to occur, I almost won't ANSWER the phone, preferring rather to send a quick text after the missed call: "yeah, what's up?".  I just can't stand all the small talk, and if all the person needs is to say "I'm running 15 minutes late, meet me then?" then I certainly don't need to spend 5 minutes on the phone discussing THAT.  Ooh, I almost hate myself for being such a snot.

7.  Turtlenecks.  And turtleneck sweaters, especially.  There's something about being bundled up in a cozy, oversized turtleneck sweater that I just can't beat.  However, I know not everyone feels this way; I had a boyfriend for a long time who HATED turtlenecks in all forms, and when I had to give him some particularly bad news one day, I dressed in the biggest turtleneck I could find.  My best friend had dubbed it the "Queen Mother of all turtlenecks", and I guess our reasoning was that the less appealing he found me, the easier the news would go over?  I dunno.  Remember that, Amy?

8.  Tequila.  You know how sometimes when you have a really bad experience with a particular type of liquor it makes you want to swear off it forever?  Yeah, I had that experience with tequila, a few Mardi Gras ago, and I think it only drew us closer.  Tequila + Elise 4EVA.  I have become a bit of a snob as of late thanks to a friend of ours, and a few months ago, I told Cody I would only be drinking Patron.  He said (and I quote): "HA."  And then he bought NOT Patron.  Can you believe him?

9.  Tall people.  I hadn't considered this as something that I LOVE, but to be perfectly honest, I got to 8 and kinda got stuck.  So I started asking around and apparently, I love tall people.  To hear others tell it, I am actually somewhat obsessed with tall people; always going on and on about their incredible height and how impressive I find it.  So, there you go, we both learned something with this list.

10.  Time to myself.  This one is definitely true.  In fact, if I don't get time to myself, I go a little bit crazy.  You know how for some people, being surrounded by friends makes their energy level go up?  Yeah.  That works in the opposite for me.  It wasn't really until college that I figured out the necessity of me being able to get away from everyone, even if it was just for a few hours.  There was more than one Friday night when I told everyone who asked I had plans with someone else and went to hide out in a big, cozy chair in Barnes & Noble with a book and a big cup of tea.  Anti-social?  Perhaps.  Sanity-saving?  Absolutely.

So there you have it, ten things I love that start with T.  Wanna give it a shot?  Like ATW, I promise not to assign you X or Z, unless you're just one of those people who like a challenge.

May Is Weird

I have been listening to so much music lately; so many different bands and types.  Sometimes I put just one song on repeat, or a loop of three songs or so, and listen to them endlessly.  Other times I just prowl around, looking for new bands, new songs, new lyrics.  It's been a while since I've been so completely obsessed with music; I guess I went into a bit of a drought there for a few years.  But I have come out with a vengeance, and now I really can't get enough.  As always, any suggestions of something I absolutely MUST listen to are appreciated, and you know I'll do it.

I'm back home anyway, and it's pouring outside.


Sophia says hello.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!

I left Lydah in Texas, where she is safe and sound and probably terrorizing my sweet friend who's keeping her.

Terrorizing her with LOVE AND PRECIOUSNESS, that is. 

I miss my dog.  But I am glad that I didn't bring her.  The flight was bumpy and turbulent, we sat on the runway forever after we landed, the temperature yesterday afternoon was bordering on 90 degrees, and Lydah would have absolutely HATED it.  And I would have had to drink at least two airplane cocktails just to deal with my canine-induced worry, and THEN I wouldn't be awake this morning, about to head out to the beach for a lovely day, because I'd be sleeping it off.

All to say?  You were right!  YOU WERE ALL RIGHT.

So, thanks to you guys and your wonderful advice (which, by the way, I either have the best readers in the world or am spectacularly lucky, because I almost NEVER get the horrible, judgy advice-givers), good decision all around.  But I'm still eating cookie dough.  No one can take that away from me :)

Why I Love Radiohead

They are sexy.

That is all.

Back from LA; felt that I had to update, at least for any interested parties - more later.  Have had maybe 2 hours of sleep in the last 24 hours, must get my head back on straight.

Full-On Randomness

When I notice that something's running out, I get really nervous and turn into Hoarder Girl.  For example, the other day I walked into the bathroom and saw that we had one square of toilet paper left, clinging to the empty cardboard roll.  And my first reaction wasn't "ugh, why won't Cody just put a new roll on when the old one runs out?" or even a light-hearted and less-naggy "hmm, hope I have a extra roll in the cabinet up here".  Rather, my brain immediately turns into some sort of high-tech toilet paper calculator, frantically tabulating every spare roll of toilet paper in the house, where each roll is located at that very moment, and how much longer we can last on that much toilet paper without running out.  I have to have at least a 3 roll comfort zone, so that means subtracting 3 from the total.  If, at the end of these intensive calculations, I am anywhere near ZERO TOILET PAPER, I have a mini-panic attack and vow only to pee until I can make it to the store.  Once I obtain a brand new pack of toilet paper (or whatever it is I was running out of), the countdown begins anew.  And my brain does all of this on its own, without any conscious effort or acknowledgment from me.

Lydah is getting spayed tomorrow.  Cody has been incessantly referring to this as her "vagectomy".  (Oh, the creepy Googlers who will find my site now.)  I am somewhat concerned about this surgery, as we have what you might call a "doggy diva", who yelps and flinches at the slightest thought of pain or discomfort.  Some people have to worry about keeping their pups from running around all crazily and trying to rip their stitches out.  We have to worry about Lydah's precarious mental state, and whether she's about to fall, head over heels, into a full-fledged canine depression.  I've heard they make Doggy Prozac.  If this is true, I may be their next (ridiculous) customer.

My brother and I were chatting online and he said he wanted me to bring him my parents' camping tent the next time I came out to visit.  Because he is my brother, and some things never change, my gut response was to tell him that I was keeping the tent for myself, although I haven't been camping since I was about 9 years old.  I just didn't want him to have it without me being difficult, even though I could easily borrow any number of tents if the urge suddenly struck me to go set up camp in the woods, surround myself with bugs, drink nothing but stale, warm canteen water, eat something scraped out of a can, and eventually degrade myself to the point of using the bathroom behind a tree.  Camping.  Why do people VOLUNTARILY lower their standard of living for vacation?  It's like hey, I live in a HOUSE, with a ROOF, and RUNNING WATER.  And for the privilege of all these things, I work every day so that I can pay my bills.  And now that I have worked hard all week and have some time off, I know what we should do!  We should pack up a tent, take it out to some secluded area, work really hard to set up a campsite, and then sit in the dirt all weekend.   It reminds me of that scene in Office Space where Peter Gibbons is talking to his neighbor, Lawrence.  Peter is considering the question "what would you do if you had a million dollars", and after some thought, he says that what he would like most is to do absolutely nothing. 
"Nothing?" Lawrence asks.  "Hell, you don't need a million dollars to do nothing.  Take a look at my cousin, man - he's broke, don't do sh*t." 
That's how I feel about camping.  If you REALLY like camping, then why are you working anywhere at all?  Why do you have a bank account, or a car, or a mortgage?  Why not just quit everything, buy some supplies, and go live in the woods in a tent?  Wouldn't that be easier?

And with that, I'm out.  Not to go camping though.  No, I'll be taking full advantage of all the modern-day luxuries I have on hand this weekend, like flushing toilets and that big metal box they call the refrigerator.

This Is Why We Will NEVER Again Buy Those Evil Girl Scout Cookies

I've Always Wondered How Cheese Remained Such A Popular Choice

Want to know something I just realized?  When I finish writing anything, whether it's from here or elsewhere and I finish with the whole editing process (otherwise known as "running the spell-check"), I give it one final read-through.  And after that read, if I am happy with it, I usually think to myself, "yeah, this is good enough.  It seems like something I'd like to read".

And somehow it has only just now occurred to me that DUH, of course it sounds like something I'd like, because I FREAKING WROTE IT.  What kind of a litmus test is that? 

self to me:  Is this good? 

me to self:  Well, I like it...

self to me:  Great!  Then we're good to go.

Obviously I have the special ability to house everyone's tastes within my own.  Brilliant.

In other news, not everyone in the world is lactose intolerant, some people do seem to enjoy wearing high-waisted and tapered-leg jeans, and, in the biggest shocker of them all, the world does not, in fact, appear to revolve around me.

Weird.