Project Runway time! To review, last week Keith the Whiner got Auf’d (although I still think he was a better designer than Stellluhhh, who got to stick around to grommet another day). I also made a promise not to speak disparagingly against either Stella or Blayne, and I (somehow) managed to fulfill that promise. Mostly. Unless you’re gonna get me on some technicality. But I did try!
Today we open with a look into the designers morning activities at Atlas Apartments, and we see the infamous Stella attempting to make coffee. Although the woman is 42 years old or some such, she appears to have no prior experience making coffee. Also, she is dressed in a black bikini top, and she is surprisingly fit and trim for her…lifestyle. My friend VBG and I were discussing what methods Stella might employ to keep in shape, and we came up with a couple of ideas:
Stella’s Hapless Yoga Instructor: Umm… well yes, we just…I mean, it’s been like 5 minutes. Are you sure those leather shorts were the best choice?
SIYC: An’ this uppity dog, or whatevah you’z callin’ it – it’s hurtin’! And I’m not all abawwwt doin’ this pose stuff, I feel like a fool.
SHYI: I can’t help but think that if your yoga mat wasn’t grommeted and pyramided within an inch of its life, you’d be more comfortable in the postures…those metal spikes aren’t actually traditional to the practice, you know…
SIYC: Whaaa? I’m RAWK, ya know? I’m not usin’ all these boring cloth mats like all yew loosahs…now let’s say we stop with all the dog crap and go get a drink with my boy Ratbones.
It’s every bit as entertaining to imagine Stella in a spin class. Try it!
Terri tries Stella’s coffee and pronounces it “kick”. As an aside (and I have been biting my tongue on this), what is UP with Terri’s hair/wig? I mean, which is it? Hair or wig? And either way, why would she want it that way? Am I missing something stylistically? Please enlighten me.
On the runway, the designers and Heidi do their normal model-switcheroo-that-isn’t, and Leanne keeps her blonde and fabulous model. I think now that the stunning Shannone is gone, Karalyn is the number one model in the running. Heidi brings out a special guest, and it’s Tim Gunn. “Just little ol’ me,” he says, and gives Heidi a hug. Tim lets the designers know that in this challenge they will be designing for a fashion legend, and he is going to take them to meet the legend right now. Off they go, with a smattering of banter about whether Mary-Kate Olsen lives in the area, and Blayne confessing that he would like to marry Mary-Kate. “Who doesn’t?” he says. Umm, I would have imagined a homosexual, tanorexic MAN would be first on the list of “Who Doesn’t Want To Marry an Olsen Twin”. Apparently not!
Stella lets the camera know that since she is from around these parts, she knows that they are in the Meatpacking district, and that is where some big-time designers work. That is honestly the most intelligent, insightful contribution we’ve had from Stella the entire season, and, on top of that, she turns out to be right! Because just as she finishes her sentence, the designers walk into Diane Von Furstenburg’s gorgeous showroom. Kenley immediately gets all choked up, telling us that it’s the biggest thing ever, and normally she just gets to work with places like Wal-Mart. And KMart. Working for someone without a “mart” attached to their name like a dirty appendage has seemingly blown Kenley’s tear ducts wide open.
If I liked Kenley at all, this might be touching. But as it is, I can only imagine that if I were there with her, I would see her sniffling and get all annoyed, like “come on girl, get a grip. We're all on the same show, we’re all super-impressed with DVF, sack up! And stop being such a...well, you know what you are.”
Diane asks the designers to create a look for her fall collection, inspired by the movie "A Foreign Affair". The lead character in the film is a glamorous traveler/spy, who starts in Berlin and has to sneak back to New York via Singapore Shanghai. The winning look will be included in Diane’s collection, sold exclusively to American Express cardholders, and a portion of the proceeds will go to the CFDA. Wow, they are jamming as much promotion as possible into this one. Also, Diane tells the designers that because her style has so much to do with the amazing prints she produces herself (and they are, truly, beautiful), she will allow the designers to pull from her exclusive fabric collection in this challenge. Wow. Now that is seriously awesome. What I wouldn't give for a 5 minute free-for-all in Diane Von Furstenburg's fabric storehouse...I'd be pretty much set for life. And spoiled forever.
The designers are escorted back to the fabric room and make a huge mess of things. Stella can’t reach the fabric she wants and nasally drones on to anyone who will listen that she’s too short. Tim, who seems to be growing increasingly annoyed with Stella, tells her to search elsewhere, and she refuses. Finally Kenley comes over and yanks the fabric down, spilling samples everywhere. Terri drags two bolts of exquisite fabric across the FLOOR, much to Tim’s (and my!) horror.
Terri is going to make pants again. Oh, the shock. I'm not sure, but has she EVER made anything that’s not pants? Will have to check on that…
The designers and Tim head back to Parsons, Tim hands everyone a Diane Von Furstenburg lookbook from the collection they will be emulating, and gives them until midnight to complete their look. As everyone pages through the book, they take note that DVF's fall line is all about layering pieces, and everyone decides to make at least two to three pieces. Well, everyone but Kenley. She, apparently, became tragically infatuated with yet another floral fabric (much like in the Brooke Shields challenge) and there was only enough of said fabric to make one, small dress. But she doesn’t care! No, not Kenley. Why would she worry about making it look like Diane’s line? Certainly not because THAT WAS THE CHALLENGE.
Well, hell has frozen over because I actually have come 180 degrees and I LIKE Blayne. I know. I know! But he’s gone from terrifyingly insane to sort of lovably quirky and although he has his annoying tendencies (“licious” comes to mind), overall he has kind of charmed me. In interview, he lets us know that he is a risk taker, and wants to make sure that he rocks this challenge, and doesn’t do something boring…like the same pair of pants…like someone he knows. Snap! Unfortunately, from the sketch he provides, Blayne’s design appears to have some sort of cuffed Bermuda short going on, and if he didn’t learn his lesson from that earlier in the season when he tried it (and ended up in the bottom three) I’m not sure what it’s going to take. I sure hope Blayne doesn’t get Auf’d right when I start appreciating his craziness, but maybe it’ll be good if he goes out on a high note? Or maybe he’s just high. Maybe I’m just high.
Everyone is getting sick of Terri’s pants. She makes them every single week, and as she parades around the design room, wearing the much maligned trousers and asking for compliments (“aren’t these great?” “look at the stretch!”) Blayne rolls his eyes and snarks. “Looks like…a pant”. Ha!
Stella, Leanne and Terri are eating lunch and discussing what they’re making. Well, everyone but Stella is discussing, Stella won’t tell anyone what she’s doing because she doesn’t trust them and it’s none of their business anyway. “So what, “ she intones, through her nose. “You’re making a dress. I don’t care.”
Everyone’s working away, talking about what a big deal the prize is, and how they don’t want to get reamed by Diane Von Furstenburg on the runway the next day. Stella announces that she’s going against the grain, and she tells the camera, conspiratorially, that she’s making pants, a top, and a cape. Yep, a cape. And capes CAN be done nicely, but I’m having doubts about Stella’s ability to execute something that high-end and classy. Leanne, who is making a GORGEOUS, cobalt blue, long dress with a beigey-grey jacket, dances around the room, proclaiming that she’s a spy and her secret name is “Leannimal”. Suede, switching effortlessly from 3rd person to 1st, says “Suede would love to be a spy, but I’m afraid my blue hair would give me away.” And then he gives the camera ANOTHER SEDUCTIVE LOOK. Which makes Elise want to puke.
Tim comes in for the shakedown and, as usual, gives impeccable advice. Why any designer would EVER ignore direction from Tim Gunn is beyond me; he always sees the garment as a whole, even when it's in an unfinished state, and gives specific, direct advice about how to improve the look. Leanne does what EVERY designer should do, and immediately takes Tim's “perhaps the jacket should be really shrunken” thought to heart, agreeing with him and taking the jacket back to shorten it. Smart, smart, smart.
When Tim questions the cohesiveness of her outfit, Stella says that her look last week WAS cohesive and that the guest judge in the big mumu with a waistband was just clueless and did a crappy job judging. “Sorry, Rachel Zoe,” Tim says. “We only mean that in the nicest way!” Stella says no, she doesn’t. She means it in the MEANEST way. Well, you and I agree there, Stella.
Runway day, and as we open on Atlas Apartments the morning of, Jerell appears to be wearing Missoni booty shorts. Wow. I wonder if they really are? Jerell? Do you own Missoni booty shorts? That’s actually pretty awesome.
Stella has traded her candy-cane leggings for sausage-casing-tight leather pants. I am left again wondering how she maintains a decent figure, which leads me to picturing Stella on an elliptical machine. With a spiked dog collar around her neck. And turquoise eye-shadow.
Okay, so on the runway the designers are greeted by Heidi (who looks particularly exquisite in a dress that actually meets her knees), Michael Kors, Fern Mallis, who is filling in for Nina Garcia (where IS Nina, by the way? Did she have more important dressing-downs to do?), and the guest judge, Ms. Diane Von Furstenburg herself. My thoughts are as follows, in the standard PASS/FAIL format:
Joe - The pinks don’t match, and not in a good, avant-garde type of way. Also, the Asian-inspired stitching around the neckline looks sloppy and the back of the shirt gapes open and looks unfinished. Well, I hope it’s unfinished, otherwise it just looks awful. FAIL.
Leanne – WOW and double wow. This dress, much more of a purple than the cobalt I said before, is GORGEOUS. I mean, really stunning. It has amazing little jeweled details at the apex of the straps, the neckline is plunging but classy, and the back has this wave of ruffles that cascade down the entire length of the dress. The jacket, which IS shrunken, looks perfectly done and the model, as Terri would say, is KICK. Pass, and again, I’ll say should be a win.
Terri – predictably, it looks like what she’s done every other week. Which is to say - it’s really good, but she will start getting called out, at some point, for being stale. Not sure if it will be this week though, because the whole thing looks really nice. Pass.
Jerell – has anyone else noticed that his model kind of looks like him, in the face? That’s weird. Also distracting – I didn’t think too much of his outfit either way, except the bright blue belt at the waistline was not a good touch, if you ask me. Not a good color, anyway. Otherwise, it was fine, so pass.
Korto – the print is awesome, the shape is so-so, and the yellow underneath is KICK. Heidi looks like she’s pretending to write something down, not even looking at her notepad and waving her pencil around unconvincingly. Pass.
Blayne – the shorts, as I feared, are just awful. They are more pirate pantaloons rather than cuffed Bermudas, which is just taking things to a stage I really can’t endorse. The jacket, however, looks nice, and the scarfy top peeking out from underneath is…fine. Umm, if they somehow think those pantaloons are passable, then he’ll pass, too.
Suede – I like the print, but the dress looks like it should be part of a “breezy island-wear” challenge, and not a tailored fall collection. I don’t know. I guess fail? No, pass. It’s alright.
Stella – yuck. The shirt and pants are a nasty brown color with nothing to break it up, and the cape looks weird and not flowy like I think she probably wanted. Or should have wanted, anyway. Also, doing a blood-red lip on the model was probably a bad plan, as I know Michael Kors pronounces SOMEONE’S look “a bit Dracula” and I can’t imagine that it isn’t this one. Fail.
Kenley – unfortunately, I like it. Although it IS just a dress, and compared to everyone else’s look, it’s really, really simple. So hopefully she’ll get in trouble for that. But the dress is nice. Probably she’ll get a pass, but SHE BETTER NOT WIN.
Heidi pronounces Terri, Jerell, and Blayne safe. The judges will want to talk to everyone else. Apparently DVF doesn’t hate pantaloons.
Everyone likes Korto’s outfit, and her kimono-style jacket (I know, another big shocker, coming from her) draws raves as well. The judges agree with me about Joe’s messy outfit. And on closer inspection, it’s REALLY messy; the skirt isn’t well-sewed or symmetrical.
Kenley behaves in an unacceptably annoying fashion when her name is called, giggling and saying “I think I nailed it, don’t you?” Ugh. I hope they don’t, and it seems that my wishes are coming true. They are reaming her for making only one piece! And wait – Kenley is DEFENDING herself loudly and argumentatively “no, this fabric is REALLY difficult to work with” and – oh wow. Now Kenley is interrupting Heidi, and then she catches herself, saying that she didn’t mean to interrupt, and then, not 2 seconds later, she INTERRUPTS AGAIN. And much more rudely! AND, she interrupts Heidi Klum to tell Diane Von Furstenburg that she, Kenley Nobody, went over the DVF lookbook, saw lots of layering, and DECIDED THAT DIANE WAS MISSING COLOR AND SIMPLICITY. “I thought you needed that, “ says Kenley. The nerve of this chick! Diane comes back with a snappy “well, I’m glad you figured it out,” which causes all of the judges to giggle, hoping that Diane isn’t offended to the point of no return. Heidi continues on, saying she feels it’s very easy to get away with making just a dress and Kenley interrupts her AGAIN, to say “no, I wanted to make THE dress”. Heidi looks pissed, and thankfully Diane interjects here to say that she likes the dress, graciously saving Kenley from what could have easily been the biggest up-in-flames runway breakdown in the history of the show. Telling a fashion design legend that you, a heretofore undiscovered nobody, looked at her fall collection and decided to FIX IT, is disrespectful at best; wax-wing meltingly conceited at worst. Kenley responds in her typically eloquent way “oh, great, cool.” OH MY GOSH.
I don’t know if anything else matters now - that whole Kenley thing was just so shocking, but in case you were wondering, here's the rest: the judges don’t really get Stella’s outfit, and it’s Diane, rather than Michael, who compares the cape to Dracula. Michael contributes by saying that the crotch of the pants is every woman’s nightmare – “hello, it’s like…umm…something’s missing here!” The judges are in love with Leanne’s dress, and they should be. They pronounce Leanne's look to have “a lot of good design”. Suede sounds as nervous as a 5th grade girl reading an essay in front of the whole school. The judges don’t like the fullness of his dress, and they say the jacket doesn’t match with the dress at all.
The judges confer, and the results are:
Winner: Leanne! A very well-deserved win. Her dress is just gorgeous, and she is gracious, as she was last week when she won. Two in a row for Leanne, I’d say she’s definitely on a roll.
Loser: Stella. It came down to Joe and Stella, and although I feel like Joe’s design from this week was pretty awful, I do think he has a better design aesthetic than Stella. I’ve made no secret of my opinion that her remaining on the show for this long was strictly for entertainment value. The good news, for those of you who had grown to love our little Leatherista, is that Stella doesn’t seem to care AT ALL about being Auf’d. In fact, her closing statement is: “If you like my stuff, come buy it. If you don’t – keep walking. I don’t care.” I can’t think of a better statement to sum up the incomparable Stella, except maybe one that employs the words “leatha”, “grommet”, “stud”, “pyramid”, or “Ratbones”. I think Stella’s gonna be just fine.
I, too, am starting to find Blayne sort of...endearing. In a very tanorexic-licious way. I didn't get the whole Mary Kate thing either, though, especially since Tim said they were meeting a fashion legend and, I'm sorry, MK Olsen is FAR from a fashion legend!
I am starting to really like Leanne and I'd say she will definitely be at Bryant Park.
I can't even talk about Kenley because she just horrifies me. Everything about her is horrible, just horrible.
Stella is curiously fit. I like your yoga/spinning idea, because my mind went somewhere else entirely (involving Ratbones, see where I'm going with this?). In any case, she's gone now. And rightfully so!
Posted by: Cassie | September 05, 2008 at 02:28 PM
Was it just me or was Stella's complexion much clearer than it has been. It's like PR was her own little rehab center.
Posted by: anna | September 05, 2008 at 02:39 PM
Yeah, Stella (along with the loony twins, Suede & Blayne) were, in my estimation, cast solely for camera value and not for design skill.
No one more so than Stella.
Oh, and glad to see someone else feel Rachel Zoe is hideous.
Great recap!
Posted by: Cliff O'Neill | September 05, 2008 at 02:46 PM
there are still so many designers left! This show is taking forever!
one day, when I catch a marathon I will reread your recaps and laugh and laugh because they will make so much more sense...as for now I just laugh and laugh because you are adorable and hilarious. AS A RULE.
Posted by: allthewine loves LEATHA | September 05, 2008 at 02:57 PM
I agree on everything. I thought Leanne's was just amazing.
Also, was I the only one who thought that the dress Kenley wore for the runway show looked suspiciously similar to the very dress she designed? Similar print, similar silhouette. The only difference to me was that the dress she wore had some weird shoulder cap things, and the dress she designed lacked those, but had the high collar. I thought it was an interesting choice of wardrobe for her.
Posted by: Shanna | September 05, 2008 at 03:32 PM
Although I generally don't care for Stella's desgins, I thought there were ones much worse than hers on this episode. I think the pants suit is kinda cute, if it had a shirt under it or something. Can't tell what the cape looks like, but it probably needs to be longer to work.
Joe's looks lopsided, Leanne's is pretty and svelte, Terri's looks like something I've actually worn, Jerrell's is just ugly, Korto's has too much going on and looks messy, Blayne's is weird, Suede's is mismatched, and Kenley's looks great but doesn't fit the challenge (plus she's rude).
There's my two cents.
And if you've seen the movie Working Girl from 1988 with Melanie Griffith in it, then this quote is perfect for Stella, as uttered by Joan Cusack while holding up a sparkly coctail dress: "Six Thousand Dollahs?!? It's not even leatha!!!!"
Posted by: Chiada | September 05, 2008 at 04:32 PM
Blayne calling Mary-Kate Olsen a "fashion icon" made this episode for me. I forgot about the interrupting - Kenley is SO annoying. I thought Heidi was going to throttle her. She should have.
Posted by: Quart | September 06, 2008 at 06:54 AM
Terri's one attempt at a skirt was during the first challenge. It wasn't a success! Although you'd think she COULD do it.
Terri's design didn't do homage to A Foreign Affair (40s period) at all. Of course, she wasn't the only one....(Blayne, Suede, Joe)
Posted by: Cee | September 06, 2008 at 05:47 PM
In Stelluh's farewell interview over on Project Rungay, she actually talked about going to yoga, so maybe we weren't too far off the mark! It still cracks me up to think of her spinning. Or doing STEP AEROBICS! Can you imagine?
Blayne is also growing on me, I hate to admit it, though Suede is getting more annoying and fake each week. He is such a tool.
I hope the hinted-at double-elimination next time doesn't take out any of the good designers. There are still too many crap ones left to be aufed!
Posted by: velocibadgergirl | September 07, 2008 at 12:50 PM
When the women were in the bathroom at Atlas I couldn't figure out who that woman fixing her make-up in the mirror was. Then it hit me! That's Kinley pre-lipstick, pre-pancake make-up, pre-40's war bride wannabe! That was a shocker.
I loved Leanne's look. It was amazing. Maybe Joe should stick to designing for drag queens?
Posted by: Dingo | September 07, 2008 at 01:47 PM
I loved how Leanne reacted after she won! So cute. She has come a long way from that shiny brown, flippy floppy Peter Pan thing she made that one time.
I can't imagine myself ever liking Blayne. I hope he proves me wrong, but so far, he seems completely inane and untalented to me.
Kenley's interrupting was unacceptable, but I want to like her. Her designs aren't half bad, but her personality is getting in the way of that. C'mon, Kenley, shut up and sew!
And Suede, just shut up.
Posted by: RA | September 08, 2008 at 03:51 PM
wait is Keith back??? What is going on.
Posted by: allthewine loves LEATHA | September 11, 2008 at 01:17 PM