Earlier this week I was sitting on a rainbow rug on the floor of an elementary classroom, pinning pieces of fabric together to make curtains. Not because I have suddenly decided on a career change (what a disaster of a teacher I would make - I can see it now: "WHY don't you understand what I'm demonstrating? Are you STUPID?") but because one of my best friends has. And she is going through the somewhat monumental task of getting her room ready for school. There's an awful lot that goes in to that process, and most of it has to do with things like "sensory stimulation" and "appropriate learning patterns" i.e., "things Elise knows nothing about". But SOME of it has to do with sewing and hanging curtains, and I can do that just fine.
Anyway, as I was pinning away, another friend of my friend came up to the school to see the room in progress, and we all started chatting. Okay, I can probably get away with this example, since I've been blogging about Project Runway this season and a decent percentage of you have seen the show - you know how when the designers are in the design room for the main part of their workday, the camera always grabs all these great little sound bytes? Meaning, all the designers are sitting there, sewing and panicking about time-restraints and still have the time for snarky commentary about one another and funny dialog. And to the uninitiated, this might seem weird, like wow, they have something ridiculous like 8 hours to make an entire three-piece suit, and yet they have somehow found the leisure time to do sarcastic impressions of one other...I smell creative editing. But no! I am here to tell you, it's not only possible, but actually very accurate that even in the midst of a sewing time-crunch, you still have ample opportunities for conversation. And it's better conversation that normal - much like if you were stuck in an elevator with someone for 5 hours straight - you have to get pretty creative to keep things rolling. It's because sewing utilizes one part of your brain, and it's not the same part that is used for communication. So what you end up with is the type of dialog that you normally only find when hanging out with your friends for long, uninterrupted stretches of time. Interesting, huh?
Anyway! I was sewing, and I asked my friend how she and her friend met, and they told me that they met while student teaching at the same school. Okay, so that's the basic answer, right? That's the small-talk answer. But then, as good conversations often do, things got a little more in-depth. We started discussing HOW they actually became friends, as there were lots of people student teaching at that school, and how come THEY connected with each other, rather than with someone else. This is always fascinating to me, how people come to be friends with one another, and as the conversation progressed, we began telling stories of how we met our good friends; specifically about the MOMENT in which we knew we would totally be able to be friends - that moment where you see something in a fellow human and you're like "I totally get that".
The "small-talk" answer to how me and my new-teacher friend connected is "she shopped in my store, and we ended up finding out our husbands went to school together when we saw each other at their 10-year reunion". But that's totally NOT how we actually BECAME friends, that's just a physical description of the circumstances that allowed us to meet. The reason we BECAME friends is because one day, while she was just a customer shopping in my store, I complimented her on something - her hair, probably (she's got some seriously awesome, wild hair) - and she laughed, telling me, quite bluntly, that she had gotten in pretty late the night before, and was proudly sporting last night's hair AND makeup. I knew, right that minute, that this was the type of poorly-hygiened girl I could be friends with.
And for her, that moment was when Cody and I saw her and her husband out after the aforementioned reunion, and a catty, inebriated girl said something rude to her. I caught the tail end of the interaction, asked what had happened, and when I heard the story repeated, and had the rude girl in question pointed out to me (as she was ascending a set of stairs) I said "Oh HER? I wouldn't worry about her - I saw her panties on the stairs and they are (earmuffs, guys) ugly period panties. Who wears panties like that if you're wearing a short dress and going up and down stairs?" She knew right then that my judgey-undergarment ways would be a perfect friendship fit.
I connected with another one of my best friends when, only a short while after we had been introduced, we realized we had something major in common. We both saw a crooked shelf and tried, valiantly, to continue our conversation and NOT fixate on the Horrible Crookedness of the shelf, but then, almost simultaneously, rushed over to fix the shelf, apologizing to one another and saying "it just drives me insane!" "No, I know - it drives ME insane, too!" "Oh my gosh, can you not stand for things to be even a tiny bit off"? "No! It makes my head go crazy!" "Oh. My. Gosh." And with that, a deep and abiding love was born, compliments of OCD.
And, back to the classroom where we were making curtains, my friend's friend (we'll call her M, for the sake of the story) told us one of the best stories I have ever heard about meeting a fellow soul-mate. M was starting her teacher certification classes, and, as she entered her very first class of the whole program and sat down, started to feel nauseous. She hoped, as many of us do, that the nausea would pass, and settled in to bravely try and tough it out. As the class began, a girl came in and sat right beside her, giving M yet another reason to worry about whether or not her nausea was going to cause any...noticeable problems, and after about 10 minutes, M said she got that unmistakable "I'm gonna puke" feeling. You know, your mouth starts watering, you get all clammy - it's not good. So she leaned over to the girl next to her, and asked if she had any idea where the bathrooms were. The girl said no, sorry, she didn't...and as she started to offer another suggestion, the moment was upon M and she had to jump up and run out of the classroom. Not knowing where the bathrooms were, M, in desperation, spotted a trash can about 10 feet down the hall from her classroom. She sprinted to the trash can and threw up for about three full minutes into it. And, as if to add insult to injury, it wasn't even a full-sized trash can. It was a little guy, so M was actually on her knees in the hallway, holding this tiny trash can and puking her guts out, definitely in listening-range of her brand new classmates. As she returned, humiliated, to the classroom and sat down at her desk, the girl next to her leaned over, said "I'm so sorry....do you want a piece of gum?" And M knew they would be friends forever.
I've got a story like that (although none quite THAT great) about almost every friend I have. Tell me your favorite "I just knew" moments. Don't you find it fascinating?
hmm I'll have to get back to you. I know there were specific moments but I can't remember exactly what they were.
Posted by: "antoinette" | August 13, 2008 at 04:49 PM
but more importantly... PERIOD PANTIES!! TOTALLY. Gah, she deserved to be made fun of.
Posted by: "antoinette" | August 13, 2008 at 05:12 PM
One of the moments when I realized I could be friends with Devi was when she pulled out her fake tooth and wasn’t insulted when I expressed just how much it creeped me out.
Posted by: Amy | August 13, 2008 at 05:27 PM
Ha! This post was great. A few years ago, I went out one night with a friend of mine and she brought her friend, L, along. L was the designated driver. Newly single, I drank my face off. When L was driving us home I thankfully fell asleep in her car. I woke up as her car pulled up to my building, opened the door,..and puked all over the sidewalk. Awesome!!! She called the next day to see how I was....a fabulous friendship was born...and in 4 days she will walk down the aisle as one of my bridesmaids! Hopefully no further puking will ensue.
Posted by: Jen | August 13, 2008 at 06:00 PM
"I knew, right that minute, that this was the type of poorly-hygiened girl I could be friends with"
Classic! So good. LOL
Yes, friendships are fascinating. One of my best friends, Maya, I didn't like at first. I remember exactly how she looked and what she wore when I first met her. I was around 18 I think. She would have been 16 or 17. I was sitting down in someone's living room and first her mother came up and introduced herself. Then she introduced her daughter, and I see this very brown, tan, beautiful girl with long brown hair and exotic brown eyes wearing a whispy white cotton/linen dress. She smiled and shook my hand.
Later I was at Magic Mountain with a bunch of friends and Maya was there too. There was a guy that I had a crush on and I saw her sitting next to him on the Merry Go Round and they were laughing and she was taking his beanie off and putting it on her head. I was so jealous.
Then later I was at church, where we both went to the same one, and afterwards as I was leaving her mother came up to me at my car and said, "Maya is so happy you are in our congregation now! She really wants to get together with you!"
"Really?" I said.
"Yes! She's so happy to have another young person her age in the hall and she keeps talking about wanting to hang out with you!"
Wow, I thought to myself. I didn't think she liked me. I didn't think I liked her!
But her mom was so bubbly and enthusiastic. It just went from there. I don't remember what happened next, whether we exchanged phone numbers or addresses or what. I do know that I have a letter that she wrote to me years ago. She wrote it on a page pulled from a magazine, and wrote around the edges of the paper. The page was folded up all intricately and mailed in a square envelope.
The next thing I know we were on the roof of her house, tanning ourselves and talking about whatever. That was 10 years ago.
The rest is history.
Posted by: Chiada | August 13, 2008 at 06:53 PM
It's all true, too- except that its been 11 or 12 years now -Chiada and I are getting old! LOL
About Chiada saying "I didn't know if I liked HER": This is the story of my life: I want to be friends with chicks, 99 out of 100 of them write me off BEFORE we ever hang out, for some seriously stupid reasons (they think I want to a) steal their mens b) be a superficial person. Thankfully Chiada gave me a wee break, and the rest is history.
Yeah!
Posted by: Maya | August 13, 2008 at 07:00 PM
29 years ago, having just moved into the nurses home, beginning my nurses training, Mandy and I knew we were going to be best friends when everyone else was worried about how they would do in all the exams and working on the wards and giving injections and we were worried we didn't have enough cool posters to stick on our walls. It was obvious that only the 2 of us had our priorites straight and sure enough all these years later we still know what is important!
Posted by: Helen | August 14, 2008 at 04:27 AM
would you say our "just knew" moment was when you returned from the rockboat and i was obscenely happy/jealous/excited for you, and the fact you got to experience that?
just a thought. i heart you.
xo.
Posted by: blogging barbie | August 14, 2008 at 11:02 PM
Although we had already met, my husband and I clicked on a trip to Las Vegas. He knew when, instead of giving him a back rub, I gave him a back scratch (his favorite thing) without his asking. I knew when he didn't freak out about my poking his injuries (on accident!) and my sleep-talking. He also smelled really good. I spent the entire drive to Vegas trying to smell him inconspicuously.
Posted by: Teacher A | August 15, 2008 at 06:15 PM
Ha, this is hilarious. Gross, but hilarious. I can't think of my "moment," but do wish I could sew curtains for my new room...
Posted by: nicoleantoinette | August 18, 2008 at 12:38 AM
I love this kind of story!
My BFF-NYC Mere and I met at work. We bonded by being the last to leave a couple of work happy hours. BUT WE FELL IN LOVE (as friends) one morning, long before happy hour, when we discovered a mutual drunk craving for mozzarella sticks. That night, drinks were drunk, "sticks" were ordered, and a true, true friendship was born! :)
Posted by: Laurel | August 22, 2008 at 09:53 AM