Project Runway recap is in the works...just wanted to get this one out there while it was on my mind
That title is only loosely related to anything in this post, and that's only if you get pretty creative with your association. But I couldn't help myself, as "Reckoner" is currently my favorite song by Radiohead, and I am GOING TO SEE RADIOHEAD LIVE IN LESS THAN 20 DAYS.
Yeah, that's right. Excited doesn't even begin to explain how I feel about that. But anyway, I'm not writing about Radiohead, not today anyway.
I am writing about my broken ovaries. Ha! I just pictured whatever male readership I've got going "oh great, ugh" and clicking the back button rapidly to erase that sentence from their minds. So, guys, once you've clicked yourself away from here, I'll continue. Or stick around, I'm totally okay with it. I mean, I'm not gonna get grossly detailed or anything; this is much more about what my ovaries AREN'T doing rather than what they are.
Namely, my ovaries are not trying, in any way, to entice me into having kids. And I am seriously beginning to think they are broken.
Before you try to convince me of my relative youth (27) and how I've got plenty of time to have kids, let me politely interrupt to say I KNOW. I don't feel old, I'm not worried about all my eggs drying up, and I am not concerned about making sure that I'm young when my kids are young, etc. So that's not the issue at all. My concern stems much more from the concepts of "ovaries speaking" and "baby fever" and "biological clock ticking". Because dudes, I seriously think either my ovaries, biological clock, or both are broken.
You know I live in the south, where it's perfectly normal to get married at 21 and have at least a couple of kids by 24. I mean, it's fine NOT to do that as well, and I'm certainly not suggesting that everyone here does that or wants that, but I am saying that it's not out of the norm or shocking to meet a 25 year-old mom with two kiddos in tow. And here I am, going on 28, married for four years (today! happy anniversary, Cody!) with no kids and no real desire for any.
Actually, that's not completely true. Every once in a long while, like when I get to hold my best friend Amy's precious baby girl, or when I have a particularly funny conversation with a certain 3 1/2 year old and meet her week-old baby sister for the first time, I have the "I could do this, couldn't I?" thoughts go through my mind. And occasionally when I see a mom and her kiddo out on the town, doing something fun together, I'll think "that looks nice". But honestly? That's as far as it EVER gets with me. In the next 30 seconds I'm back to thinking about toenail polish, or whether or not I'm about to run out of green tea and should I go to the grocery store for more? Ooh, and I forgot about these sunglasses in the console, I love this pair! Oh yeah, and it's 7:30pm and I haven't seen Cody or thought about dinner, maybe I should get on that. All thoughts of babies and/or having them are gone.
My ovaries never kick, prod, or speak to me, at least not about babies. Occasionally they'll convince me that eating yet another Dove dark chocolate square at 1am is a good idea, and every once in a while they do horrible things to me, like grow massive cysts which then rupture and put me in a world of pain, but they really never do anything nice and cozy, like suggesting parenthood, ever. In fact, as I think back on my relationship with my ovaries, not a lot of good memories come up. They may be trying to kill me.
I've been trying to reconcile this mystery with myself. I mean, I like kids. Mostly I think they're funny, and it's pretty incredible to watch them learn things constantly. They're enjoyable, for sure. If tomorrow morning I woke up and someone had dropped a baby on my porch with a note saying "you have to take care of this kid! you're the only one who can do it!" attached to the diaper, then I'd do it. I wouldn't hate doing it or anything. So yeah, if you want to get really logical about it, I COULD have a kid (I mean, assuming my Evil Ovaries would cooperate), and I COULD raise the kid and I wouldn't want to kill myself.
But shouldn't there be more? I mean, is that going to be my decision maker? "Well, Cody, I'm 35 and I guess it's now or never on the childbearing front. I still haven't felt any urges, but I can honestly say I wouldn't become suicidal at the thought of a child. I guess it's time!"
That seems like a pretty sucky way to bring a child into the world. Shouldn't I want one? What gives?
no way. if we were all supposed to want to have kids, who would be the crazy spinster aunt (me, that's who).
I think it's completely natural to not want kids right now... you're enjoying life with your hubster (happy anniversary times a zillion!) still young and plenty fertile, and I have it on good word that sometimes you just wake up and the desire could hit you. Give it time.
Besides when you have kids you most definitely cannot go see Radiohead in LA. Hollywood Bowl?? Did you get them??
Posted by: "antoinette" | August 07, 2008 at 04:33 PM
All I know is that the "someone delivering a baby to your porch" option sounds like it would make a really neat story.
Posted by: Amy | August 07, 2008 at 06:15 PM
Honestly, I don't think that it would be bad to decide to have kids without actually craving kids, if that makes any sense.
I never had a moment where I thought OMG, having a baby would be the best thing ever, and I absolutely must have one! For me, it was more like I went from being indifferent (similar to what you describe, I think) to all of a sudden thinking yes, I want a baby. And that thought didn't happen until I was 28, so you sound normal to me!
Posted by: -R- | August 07, 2008 at 11:17 PM
I think too many people have kids because they feel they're running out of time for some reason or another. And I think a lot of them regret it, but when you're talking about having kids, you can't really live with a lifetime of regret, so those people just convince themselves they're happy, which leads to all kinds of weird issues. Maybe you can get a babysitting job or something...
Posted by: Noelle | August 08, 2008 at 08:35 AM
Your ovaries are not broken! You sound so much like the way I felt before I got pregnant. I felt like I had plenty of time, and I wasn't really feeling the URGE to have kids yet. I did not dream about babies or look longingly at the baby stuff in stores. I was pretty indifferent to the idea of a child, in fact. And then, surprise! He was absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I didn't even realize I wanted him so much. Maybe that'll happen to you, and maybe it won't; either way it's okay. The last thing you want to do is have a baby for all the wrong reasons.
I just hope you don't have people in your life who are starting to bug you about having kids, because I did, and that totally sucked.
Posted by: Cassie | August 08, 2008 at 09:44 AM
Some people (okay, many people) have kids without thinking about whether they want one or not. I think if you're at the point where when you think about the possibility of having kids, you know you could do it and you would be cool with it ... then that's where you are.
I think it's a myth that women are at some point supposed to feel this magical URGE to have a baby.
Posted by: Fraulein N | August 08, 2008 at 10:20 AM
I feel like I'm missing something, too. I know for certain that I DO want to have kids - someday. Not now. Not next year. Probably not the year after that. I just feel totally unprepared, we don't have enough money (will we ever?), I love our freedom, and I love my alone time - and I'm not ready to give that up anytime soon. I also have zero baby fever... I might be more enthusiastic if I could decide one day "hey, let's get a kid!" and we could go to the kid store and pick up a cute three year old, who'd already be potty trained and able to talk.
Posted by: Operation Pink Herring | August 08, 2008 at 01:39 PM
OH, and DUDE! YOU GOT THE RADIOHEAD TICKETS! Wooo!
Posted by: Operation Pink Herring | August 08, 2008 at 01:42 PM
I know what you mean. Sometimes the lack of a functioning biological clock makes me feel like something of an alien. But then I think of all the people I know who have hormones hit them at some point or another and get positively FRENZIED about having children, and I think, god, that would be really creepy.
So some days I am okay with feeling like an alien, and some days I am not.
Posted by: Amanda | August 09, 2008 at 04:00 PM
Happy Anniversary! (3 days late) Ours was on the 7th too! (nine years)
I don't know about the whole kid thing. I go back in forth in my mind all the time and I'm 30! I don't know if I'll ever feel the urge or crave or longing for a kid. Sometimes I feel a little wistful, but a couple days later and I'm thankful for not having them. It's weird how I am constantly swinging back and forth.
And as for broken ovaries, dude, sometimes I wonder if mine really are broken because, well, let's just say that I've been married for 9 years and never used b.c. Yeah, what gives? LOL Who knows. Maybe one day I'll be surprised.
Posted by: Chiada | August 10, 2008 at 11:44 PM
I know I'm a bit late (I blame the wedding), but I still want to put my 2 cents in.
My parents waited for 10 years after they were married to have kids, and the only thing that prodded them along was the death of one of my mother's grandparents. For a while there they weren't sure they would even have kids at all, but that event changed my mom's mind, and she eventually changed my dad's.
My sister, on the other hand, loves babies and really wants me to have them as soon as I possibly can, but doesn't really want any of her own. She's still young, but I could certainly see her being the cool aunt (or else adopting much later in life).
So, in summary, don't worry too much about it. You might want to have kids later, you could just be the adopting later in life type (or want to sink tons of money into medical procedures), or you may just be an awesome aunt for life. All of which are just fine.
Posted by: Teacher A | August 15, 2008 at 09:38 PM
Oh, and my parents totally got the "Sigh. Another Christmas without grandchildren" routine from my mom's parents for years, EVEN THOUGH THEY ALREADY HAD GRANDCHILDREN. Crazy people.
Posted by: Teacher A | August 15, 2008 at 09:40 PM
I feel no doubt that your ovaries will start prodding away when it's "time."
Of course, mine already started acting up (like 3 years ago)! Because kids SO don't fit into my life at any point in the near future, the whole hormonal biological clock thing is mostly just creepy.
Posted by: Laurel | August 15, 2008 at 10:50 PM