I'm trying a new recap method here today. See? Nothing but excitement, excitement, excitement around these parts. It's a mile a minute, I tell ya. Anyway, I am going to live-recap (well, sort of - it's Friday but I'm writing as I watch it for the first time) Project Runway this episode, mainly because I think we all agree, at this point that A) there are so many designers this season that it's STILL hard to get a real idea of what any of then can do and B) almost all of the designers this season are....not that great.
We open, as usual, on the Atlas aptartments, where Korto, in one breath, laments losing "her Emily" and also says "oh well, it's a competition, someone's gotta go!". Then she says something about needing to put her foot into the next challenge. I take this to mean she feels that she needs to step it up. I'm unfamiliar with "putting your foot into" things. There's Kenley, Hi, Kenley, you never should have won the immunity you're gloating about.
Yowza, Heidi's "meet-the-designers-on-the-runway" outfit is NOT GOOD. It looks to be leather (Stella is convulsing in pleasure) leggings and a grey, sheer, unflattering blouse worn untucked over a black bra. Ugh. This, even on Ms. Klum, manages to look both trashy and sloppy at the same time. Bad form, Heidi. It's time for the model swap, but Kenley is smart enough to realize that her win should be attributed 60% to her model, 30% to the judges rampant crack smoking throughout the last episode, and 10% to Kenley's talent. She sticks with her gorgeous model, sending the other girl home. Bye!
Heidi sends the designers to meet Tim for another field trip. Jerell doesn't know where they're going, but he sure hopes it has nothing to do with female wrestlers. You and me both, Jerell! We get a brief glimpse of Joe, the talented-yet-ignored straight dude, and I'm hoping that this episode features him a little more. Because, lest I remind you, I have already predicted the top three: Terri, Joe, and (I hope) Kelli (but might be Korto). Tim and Blayne engage in a tanning conversation, with the ever-so-well-spoken Tim inquiring as to how often Blayne "has" to go tanning. Blayne tries to look sultry as he tucks a piece of fried hair behind one ear and says he'd preferably go every other day. Tim opines that it seems like an awful lot of time spent...tanning, and Blayne explains it by saying "you know, some people go to the gym...I tan." Yeah Blayne, it's apples and apples.
The designers and Tim (who have all been riding in a van together) reach their destination: The Amory Track and Field Center. Snoozie Snoozefest (Jennifer) says, in monotone, that she's worried because it seems like a "different" sort of challenge. Suede says the center is "ginormous". Ugh. I hate that word, but the place IS huge. Some dude speed skating around the track on rollerblades comes up to the designers and it's Apolo Ohno, who apparently is an Olympic speed skater for the USA. Even though the name "Apolo Ohno" doesn't sound American, at all. He sounds American though, and as he talks to the designers, we're treated to little sound-bytes from several of them pretending to know who Apolo is and gushing about how much they love him. Umm, I doubt it. Also: is Stella wearing makeup today? She looks surprisingly fresh-faced, and that thought is confirmed even more so when they cut to her interview film and she's all eyelinered up. Wow Stella, you almost look...dare I say....pretty, without all your Aging Rockstar makeup.
Apolo explains that the challenge for the week is to create a new, exciting outfit for the US Olympic athletes to wear during the Opening Ceremonies for the Summer Games (which, btw, are tonight! see, that's why I waited until Friday to write this - all in the plan). Daniel is mad about having to design for the Olympics. Because he doesn't even WATCH that kind of stuff. He's rolling his eyes and making fun of the whole endeavor. Yeah, that might work for a lot of things, Daniel, but this is the OLYMPICS. I mean, it's kind of a big deal. As if to prove this point further, Apolo goes on to explain that the Opening Ceremonies are kind of like the catwalk for the athletes, and that the whole ceremony means a great deal to him, and to America. Now who's rude with all the eye rolling, DANIEL?? Luckily Blayne sees the importance of the challenge, as he tells us "heck yeah, I'll be going for the gold!".
Joe is super excited about the challenge. He's watched the Olympics every year, and he is really just happy to make something having to do with sports. Stella wants to do "gladiator cavewoman". Sounds promising, Stella. NOT.
Yes, I did just drop a "NOT" in here. So what?
Daniel continues to scoff at the challenge, saying he's just "not into" this type of thing. The designers wander through a museum attached to The Amory to get inspired for their Olympic outfits, and then it's off to Mood for fabric. Stella, in a move that will shock the world, is using black, and Tim does one of the funniest things I've ever seen him do - luckily for me, it will translate much better in writing; I'm honestly impressed he could do it so easily with the spoken word. Just goes to show, once again, his superior grasp on the English language:
Tim: You're using black??
Stella: Why, is it bad?
Tim: I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just...inquiring. You're using black? (inflection ONLY at the very end, after he's already stated it as a non-judgmental observation only. Good Lord, what I wouldn't give for this man's word skills)
With 5 minutes left at Mood, Keith steals Terri's fabric, and she is NOT happy. I feel ya, Terri. I'd be mad too. She says "no you DIH-ENT", and Keith kind of lamely defends himself. I wonder if this will become an issue, but I doubt it because Terri is like one billion times better than Keith and she can beat him regardless of fabric choices.
Back at Parson's, Joe is still super pumped about this challenge. They have 9 hours to work today, and the winner of the challenge gets immunity. Stella is kind enough to completely re-explain the challenge to us, like she's explaining it to a 4 year-old. She is emphasizing key words like "America" and "Olympic Games" and says it's "serious business", all with an appropriately serious look on her face. It's no joke, she adds. I honestly think she hears information, assimilates it in her brain, and then repeats it back to HERSELF this way. So thanks for that little, terrifying glimpse into the inner-workings of your Aging Rocker brain, Stella.
Everyone talks about whether they've played sports or not, and we have a regular athletic conference in the sewing room! Between Stella, Leanne, Joe, and Daniel we have modern dance, cheerleading, football (until 9th grade only) and Putt-Putt represented.
Joe's decided to make a skort, and I am wondering if it will catch the revile of all the judges. Daniel is doing a cocktail look from the 40's. I know he said he's totally not into sports, but he does realize what the Olympics IS, right? I mean, it's not a cocktail competition; that's one thing it's not.
Blayne: "I am an Olympian of tanning, I like to tan, I am going to shrivel up if I don't get to tan soon, blah blah".
Terri, who we've all agreed is AWESOME, makes pants, a vest, a shirt, AND a matching jacket. Leanne thinks Terri might have a sweatshop under her table, such is her shock at how many pieces Terri just "churned out". No, Leanne, Terri's just actually good. You wouldn't understand.
Suzy Snooze wonders if she should go the tracksuit route (yes) or stick with her own style (no). She opts to stick with her own style. Brilliant.
Stella is asked why she is doing all black, and she says because it's the space-age. Hmm. Then she says she knew black would be a risk, and I ignore whatever she says next because I know that she knows that she's allowed to take risks after her Skanktastic Atrocity of last week wasn't even called into question. She's clearly on the show for entertainment value only, and, as such, will continue to make whatever she wants with no regard for normal-person aesthetics or wearability.
I know it has been mentioned, but seriously, Leanne and SnoozeGirl look almost exactly the same. Was that on purpose, Bravo? I almost can't tell them apart; it's like being friends with identical twins - you end up telling them apart by picking the one who is slightly prettier and remembering her. So, in keeping with this rule, Snoozie, you're out again.
Oh look, Keith was an athlete. He did competitive gymnastics from a very young age. Do you ever wonder if these people just make things up on the spot and then when all their friends and family watch the show when it comes out, they are like, "Wha? You went to the LittleGym for like, a week, Keith. Since when is that 'competitive gymnastics'?"
Apparently Kenley laughs a lot, and all the designers are finding it annoying. You know what I find annoying? When someone makes a truly ugly outfit and then, somehow, they win the challenge anyway. Jerell wants someone to get Kenley a muzzle. I just want someone to get her some design talent. Wait, am I bitter?
Korto tells us about where she came from (Liberia), how she came to America (they were exiled), and how no one in her family has let her give up on her design dream. I'm glad, because Korto is one of the only designers this season who is actually decent.
Tim comes in for his challenge checkup. Joe shows Tim the skort, and Tim likes it (and Joe's multi-colored zipper, according to Tim, has "wit"). Whew! Tim goes to see Blayne and tells him that his jacket is looking at little Sgt. Pepper. Blayne apparently has no idea about The Beatles, any of their songs, or when they were popular, guessing that the Beatles era was "the 30's". Tim is appalled. I am whatever. Blayne is a half-baked little gnome with straw for hair and round plastic balls for eyes. I would be more embarrassed if he liked all the music I enjoy. Daniel's cocktail dress looks like a flight attendant uniform, and he is worried that it looks like Superman. One thing is for sure, no one is thinking it looks Olympic. Jarell's dress is crazy. Snooze's dress appears matronly, to Tim. Or wait, did he say it seems "junior"? Either way, it looks dumb, and she needs to ramp it up.
Joe's sound-byte about "there's too much drama because there are too many queens around" comes into play because Daniel has re-threaded and stolen Joe's sewing machine. Daniel defends himself, but I dunno if I buy it. When I was in fashion design school, we all had "our" machines just like you have "your lunch table" in high school. I would have definitely wondered about it if I would have come into class and seen someone else using "my" machine. Come on, Daniel, surely you know these unspoken rules...or is there too much "sport" to it?
It's runway day, and the designers wake up back at Atlas. Stella looks sick. I mean, really, she looks like I look when I'm trying not to puke. Oh and look! We get another Stella-pretation - she explains to the camera what "immunity" means. "It means you have the chance to f*%$ up and NOT get fired," Stella says, speaking very slowly and deliberately. Oh, so THAT'S why people want it!
Back at Parson's, the designers have 3 hours to finish. Hey, I think Kelli has tattoo sleeves on BOTH arms. She is pretty hardcore, but still so blonde and sweet-looking. I like your style, girlie. Jerell has made an insane polka-dotted, stripey outfit WITH a floppy hat. If the Olympics were moved to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, then I guess this might be a competitive outfit. Otherwise, NO.
Stella tells her model to "go to my girl over there - she does your hair the way I like it". Like the TRESemme Salon is some little divey hair shop Stella discovered and has exclusive access to. But I honestly believe Stella thinks this is the case. The woman lives in her own little world.
Runway show! Heidi, Michael, and Nina are there as always. Apolo is the guest judge. Also, I think Heidi has become subconsciously influenced by Stella's near-constant leatha-speak, because although she looks pretty, Heidi is wearing like, a chic-biker look today. Black leather mini-skirt and a black embellished top, with lots of studs and little spikes. Heidi, you need to find a way to block the Stella brain-waves, ASAP.
Korto - nice, with a cute vest that might be a little shapeless, but I could see athletes in this
Suede - love it, want the skirt - but would all the athletes really wear this?
Kelli - she says it may not be 110% relevant to the Olympics - I say it's not AT ALL relevant, other than being red, white and blue, but it's cute anyway. Very vintagey. No way they would wear it
Joe - totally cute, but what happened to the skort? It's all long in the front...however, this is definitely something I could see being worn at the Olympics
Leanne - ooh, this is SO cute. I want the shorts, and I would like the top as well, maybe with a little less red and blue pluming. Umm, okay so I take back my jab from earlier, Leanne. Well done
Daniel - looks like a cartoon flight attendant. No way would any Olympian wear this. Ever.
Jerell - insane, crazy, polka-dotted mess, worn over leggings although there is no need for them. And the floppy hat puts it over the top. NO.
Stella - again, it's just awful. It has like, a hole cut out near the bellybutton so we can see that body part, and the black pants are capri-length, and the top has these weird cap-sleeves that are trimmed with red and silver - it's just terrible and the look on Nina's face says "I hate this, but am not allowed to kick you off, so I will fix you with a steely gaze and hope that my eyes say what my judging cannot." I'm with you, Nina.
Keith - no, no, no. Puffy bubble skirt that is way too short and NO one would wear this at the Opening Ceremonies, not even to watch from home
Terri - awesome. I love it, it looks great, and it is definitely wearable for the event
McSnooze - just.awful. It looks poorly made, I have no idea what the shirt under the little bolero is made of but it looks like old, faded cotton, and it looks completely uninspired and un-American
Blayne - hmm, it's actually okay, I guess. The band at the bottom of the top makes it look sporty, and if they were forced, I could see athletes wearing this - especially if the pants weren't skinny-leg
Kenley - again, has she ever seen the Olympics at all? This is a tight, high-waisted pencil skirt with a boatnecked blouse tucked in. This would look good on 1% of the population, and of that 1%, 95% are sticking their fingers down their throats to puke up the carrot sticks they had for lunch. No one with even a single curve or muscle would look good in this
Suede, Kelli, Leanne, Stella, Keith, Blayne and Kenley are all safe. Yeah, so that's why Stella will take risks. She's untouchable. Next week she should just send a garbage bag down the runway, tied at the waist with some left over muslin. Oh wait, SHE'S ALREADY DONE THAT.
This leaves:
Terri - judges like, MK says "hurrah" for American sportswear, Nina says the team would look very sharp and well-dressed
Snooze - judges hate, they don't see Olympic or America, Apolo says it wouldn't make anyone feel confident, Nina says Snooze can't separate herself from the challenge, and the model looks silly
Joe - judges like, Heidi loves the multi-colored zipper as well, and Apolo waxes almost inappropriately about what amazing bodies Olympic athletes have and how this would show it all off. MK notes that the skort got kind of messed up, but overall says it's "smart"
Daniel - no one likes it, because it's awful. Also, it's purple. Nina says it has no relevance with the challenge, and Heidi gives Daniel a VERY condescending colorblindness test to see why he thinks his dress is blue, MK says the color is the least of his problems; model looks like she's from the Republic of Cocktail Land
Korto - everyone likes, because it looks chic and crisp, and modern. Nina says team would be super chic, and Heidi says America would be proud
Jerell - it's insane! What else can you say? Nina is puzzled, says it looks like Mary Had a Little Lamb, MK gets the giggles, and says it's totally uncomfortable. Heidi says Jerell has great "idears", but this is just crazy
Judges confer, and come up with their decision. They love Korto and Terri equally, it seems, and Joe did a very good job interpreting athletic. Jerell gets a pass because it was crazy enough to be interesting, and Daniel annoys the judges by going so far away from what the challenge should have been. Snoozie bores the judges completely. As per usual.
Winner: Korto! Heidi still can't say her name correctly, but Korto doesn't let that cramp her style as she goes offstage squealing about how happy she is and tells the camera "it's about freakin' time".
Loser: SnoozeGirl, ska Jennifer. She talks AGAIN about her style, and her surrealism, and everyone is so over it. Goodbye, and may you have a long and prosperous career working as a helpful aide at a Sleep Disorders Clinic.
Great re-cap, as usual...What you missed, after Stella was talking about how using black was such a risk, was her saying, "Bikers watch the Olympics, too." Ohhhh, Stella. Is it just me, or do the contestants all seem a LOT crazier than usual? I mean, usually there are one or two crazies thrown in...but this year there seem to be a LOT.
Posted by: Cassie | August 08, 2008 at 03:47 PM
"Blayne is a half-baked little gnome with straw for hair and round plastic balls for eyes."
That is just a perfect description of our little Oompa-Loompa-Licious.
And I had the same reaction to Daniel's cocktail dress: Coffee, tea or a 100 meter dash?
Posted by: Miz Shoes | August 08, 2008 at 04:17 PM
I am so glad you are doing these recaps. I love this show.
The funniest thing about this episode was Stella's emphatic assertion that bikers are really into the Olympics.
While Blayne is annoying, he endeared himself to me with his "leatha" mimic of Stella a week ago. Hilarious!
I'm glad they gave Holly Hobby the boot. She was boring.
Posted by: Dingo | August 08, 2008 at 10:17 PM
Ugh, I'm glad I'm not the only one who had a hard time distinguishing between LeAnn and Jennifer. It was weird. And I totally agree with you on Daniel's dress looking like something a flight attendant would wear.
I'm just at a loss of words for Stella. I almost can't watch because she annoys me so much. Nothing she does is good, but she's never in the bottom. I don't get it.
Posted by: Shanna Wooten | August 08, 2008 at 11:45 PM
"...Apolo Ohno, who apparently is an Olympic speed skater for the USA. Even though the name "Apolo Ohno" doesn't sound American, at all."
What an ignorant statement, even if it was trying to be a joke. Many natural-born Americans have "ethnic" names, and who decided that Anglo names equaled "American", anyway? This country was built on immigrants from all backgrounds. If they were both born here, "Apolo Ohno" is no less American than "John Smith".
Posted by: Hannah | August 09, 2008 at 01:51 AM
Just wondering if you actually watched the Parade of Nations during this year's opening ceremonies? Because there were a lot of non-sporty, non-athletic designs on display. Several countries dressed their female athletes to look like airline stewardesses, and, at least one country (hello, Poland) had theirs in cocktail attire. So much for your claim, in relation to Daniel's dress, that "No way would any Olympian wear this. Ever." Granted, the cocktail dresses on the Polish girls looked prettier than Daniel's, but still...
Posted by: Vncntdl | August 09, 2008 at 03:56 PM
"Oh look, Keith was an athlete. He did competitive gymnastics from a very young age. Do you ever wonder if these people just make things up on the spot and then when all their friends and family watch the show when it comes out, they are like, "Wha? You went to the LittleGym for like, a week, Keith. Since when is that 'competitive gymnastics'?"
ROFL - that is probably exactly the case!
Posted by: Kathy | August 12, 2008 at 10:19 AM
I couldn't get over all of the "vintage." Just because they were in a museum for inspiration didn't mean they were supposed to go back in time.
Posted by: Quart | August 12, 2008 at 11:11 AM
I'm sad I missed it this week. I will have to ensure I catch it tomorrow.
Posted by: deutlich | August 12, 2008 at 12:34 PM
time to 'fess up
I don't watch Project Runway. I'm not even sure it's on one of the 5 network stations my little tv gets (fine. 7 if you include the spanish channels). HOWEVER. I religiously read your recaps because you make it hilarious. props!
Posted by: grace | August 13, 2008 at 02:13 PM
I had no idea who Apollo was either. I also had no idea speed skating was an Olympic sport. Confession: I don't watch the Olympics. Gasp.
When MK asked if she was from the Republic of Cocktail land I almost died. Also, "idear"? WTF, Heidi?
I actually thought Snooze's outfit was adorable, but I knew she would get kicked off for it. Adorable, as in I'd like to buy it at Ann Taylor. Nothing to do with Olympic anything. I may not know anything about fashion and sewing, but at least I know what when you're given a task, you can't just do whatever you want and expect to win, Snooze.
Best part of the episode, I thought, was when whats-his-name made fun of Blayne's tanning obsession, saying "at least he has all that blond hair to keep him alive!" OMG... seriously, what does Blayne think he is? A plant? You don't operate on photosynthesis, Blayne. Tanning does not keep you alive.
I cannot wait to hear what you thought of last night's episode. I'm all caught up now!
Posted by: Operation Pink Herring | August 14, 2008 at 03:07 PM
Korto and Terri definitely were the best, although I would have rounded out the top three with Leanne's. I was surprised Leanne didn't get a higher score - hers was very sportswear and patriotic while still being fashion forward.
All the regular street clothes that some of these suckers came up with that had NOTHING to do with the challenge?!? Blech!
Posted by: Laurel | August 15, 2008 at 10:54 PM