First of all, hi! I am so excited to be recapping Project Runway this season, mostly because I am obsessed with ProRun and all Bravo shows of its nature. Sure, Top Design was kind of meh, but Top Chef is...well...tops. And Project Runway, being my first love, will always hold a very special place in my heart. Until next season, when they're switching production companies and moving to LIFETIME. Yeah that's right, Lifetime. As in, the same channel that does gloriously cheesy movies like "When To Hide From Him: The Kim Edwards Story". I don't know if my relationship with ProRun will make it through such a massive overhaul, but luckily I don't have to worry about that right now because YAY! SEASON 5 PREMIERED ON BRAVO LAST NIGHT!
Another serious matter - the Project Runway Recap Torch has been passed to me from none other than my iBFF, Antoinette, and if I fail to carry that torch (and carry it well!) then I will be letting down thousands, nay, TENS OF THOUSANDS of readers. Well, maybe more like 25. But still! I can't let you down, ProRun 25! More importantly, I won't.
*****
Tonight's episode starts with the symbolic unpacking of bags (in the fabulous New Gotham apartments) as we are introduced to all sixteen of the new contestants. Well, we're introduced to FIFTEEN of the sixteen. There is a girl wandering around in a red dress with a flower pinned to her head and no one will ever give her the name caption. Is she a stowaway? A really stylish member of the New Gotham maid service? TIME WILL ONLY TELL.
Standouts upon introduction include the following:
Blayne Walsh, 23 - blonde and short, and his eyes look like muppet eyes. No, seriously. It's as if he took Cookie Monster's round, googly eyes and whip-stitched them to his face. Blayne informs us that he is seriously addicted to tanning, so...whoever he needs to talk to about that (looks pointedly at the camera and giggles). Also, he has been designing clothing for the past six years but currently is paying the bills by working at a coffee shop. Oh Blayne, I have a feeling I will be typing LOTS more about you.
Stella B. Zotis, 42 - I'm not sure where ol' Stella is from. She has one of those confusing accents, where it seems to conveniently surface and you're thinking "German? No, maybe Russian..." and then it dives back down and she sounds like anyone else. Stella likes to design for the rockers, and she looks the part.
Kelli Martin, 27 - this girl is my age AND owns a boutique AND says that it's tough business and she's just fighting it out. Kelli, I love you already. DON'T DISAPPOINT ME! What? I'm a suffocating kind of friend.
Suede, 37 - that's right, SUEDE has no last name. Suede also has a blonde shaved head with a little blue mowhawk stripe and seems to prefer speaking in the 3rd person.
Daniel Feld, 25 - looks polished, put-together, doesn't say anything extremely weird or off-putting - he reminds me of another ProRun Daniel...dare I dream for version 2.0?
Wesley Nault, 23 - wow, Wesley, you're young. But you just said you were working for Marc Jacobs for the last year! Score one big point for you. Whoa, whoa, the camera guy just panned down and WHAT THE SHORTS? Those shorts are. not. good. I don't care if Marc sewed them onto you himself. Your point has been rescinded and you are back to neutral. Oh Wesley, a roller coaster already!
We meet the rest of the contestants (except for Red Dress girl) and everyone heads to the rooftop to meet Tim Gunn (I dare you not to love this man) and the gorgeous Heidi Klum (I dare you not to be wildly jealous of this woman) for champagne. Heidi has her hair all pulled back in some intricate knotted updo, and while on just about anyone else it might look like the start of greasy dreadlocks all knotted up into a messy bun, on her it looks positively Grecian Goddess. So. That's fair! Tim and Heidi greet everyone, talk about the contest rules, and the group gets to chatting.
One of the contestants, Keith, is telling Heidi that he has been designing for her for years. "Yeah, I just look at it and think 'Can Heidi wear it?' And that's how I know if I should make it."
Heidi gives us a special treat by letting loose with one of her trademarked, awkward "HAH" noises - they always kind of shut the room down. We finally get to meet Red Dress Girl - her name is Kenley Collins, she's 25, and she says she's "loud". Obviously not THAT loud, Kenley, as everyone, even the producers, managed to forget about you until just now. Tim tells the designers they are possibly the most diverse group ever, and he wants them to "knock his socks off!". Oh Tim Gunn, I want to hug you.
*****
It's 4am and Tim is sneaking into the designers rooms to get them going on their first challenge. The designers scurry around, bumping into each other in the dark and trying to throw on clothing. The camera pans to Keith, in bed, drinking...wait, what IS that? Keith, are you sucking on a bottle of vodka at 4am, just as you've been awakened? And if he is, am I disgusted or kind of impressed? Keith is possibly VERY hardcore.
Even though the designers supposedly had about five minutes to get ready, they still manage to look like the most hipster bunch of hipsters to ever grace the sidewalks of NYC. Pre-6am. Tim gestures across the street to the grocery store Gristedes (sidenote: this Southern girl has never heard of "Gristedes" in her life - is it like a CVS or something?) and tells the designers that they have $75 and 30 minutes to shop and (of course) to MAKE IT WORK.
Oh, and Austin Scarlett is the guest judge for this episode; he is introduced as everyone is standing outside Gristedes because in Season One of ProRun, Austin won the grocery store challenge. He's decked out in what looks to be an attempt on Nautical Southern Gentleman. He's got a navy blazer, white pressed trousers, a white button-down shirt, a white ascot (yes. really) and a white fedora trimmed in navy. I think Austin is a douche. Oh wait, was that already obvious?
Tim says GO and the designers sprint through Gristedes. Also, another aside about Gristedes (sorry!) - is that a terrible name for a grocery store, or what? It sounds like gristley tiddies to me, and that's all I can think about now when I type the name. Gristle! Tiddies! Eww.
Stella is running through the store wearing what look to be candy-cane striped leggings and a short shirt. Stella, as we'll recall, is 42. And not Super-Aerobics 42, REGULAR 42. Stella, those leggings would make Mary-Kate Olsen's behind look awful. Fail.
Some of the designers treat us to their "game plan" as they're rushing through Gristley Tiddies. Terri Stevens lets us know that her plan is as simple as "mop heads, mop heads, mop heads!" Jerry Tam says he knew what he was going to do as soon as he set foot inside the Gristle. "April Showers," says Jerry, "make MAY FLOWERS". He looks knowingly at the camera, and goes back to his shopping.
*****
Parsons time! Designers are back at the studio and given until midnight to make their creations. Tim reminds the designers that the winner of this challenge will have immunity for the next week.
I have a whole bunch of design-process observations typed in my notes, but I just looked at the length of this post and GOOD LORD it's getting long. So to sum up, lots and lots of people are using tablecloths. The designers keep looking around and seeing more tablecloths. It's tablecloths as far as the eye can see! WE'RE TOTALLY FREAKING ABOUT TABLECLOTHS! Also, someone is making a yellow dress and attaching little cut pieces of a flyswatter and it looks surprisingly cool. Kelli is making what she has deemed a "gardening dress", which involves bleaching and staining a bunch of vacuum cleaner bags and then sewing coffee filters together to make the bodice. Kelli tells us that her dress will be ugly. Really, Kelli? A GOOD ugly, Kelli replies. Oh, okay then. Daniel is melting blue plastic cups with an iron and molding them together into a sweetheart neckline. I like where this is going, Daniel v2.0!
Jerry informs us, conspiratorially, that he thinks everyone is making stuff out of trash. Trash that he would just THROW AWAY. Jerry seems to have not understood the challenge. Aging Rocker Stella is sighing and collapsing on her table. She says that her black garbage bags just look like...garbage. They're cheap and look exactly like trash bags, and she fears her aesthetic will be ruined. Stella seems flummoxed by this development.
Tim Gunn appears in the design room to give some much-needed advice. He quickly jumps on the "tablecloths-are-everywhere" bandwagon, and encourages the designers to be more innovative. You see, says Tim, tablecloths are really just another form of fabric. Tim fears the judges will find the designers to be slackers. That's right, SLACKERS. A gloom falls over the room, and Stella starts freaking out in earnest about her black garbage bags. Tim says "oh no, honey, you cannot send garbage bags down that runway". Aging Rocker Stella looks like she might throw up. Suede is concerned that his tablecloth looks, uncreatively, JUST like a tablecloth. Tim says "you should be concerned." Tim leaves the design room at 11pm and they have until midnight to finish. Stella melts into an Aging Rocker Puddle on the ground and seems like she might not move again. Suede makes the astute observation that Tim seems to be "over" the tablecloths. Crazy Blayne gives the camera a truly horrifying googly-eyed look, says he is finished, that he will dominate, and gestures proudly to what looks like a bunch of black netting tacked to a mannequin. He smiles. It's terrifying. Everyone else scrambles to finish up.
*****
Runway day! Finally, I know. Stella has come up with a new plan and seems somewhat energized. Instead of using her much-maligned black garbage bags for pants, she will make a beautiful dress out of them. I fail to see how the garbage bags will have suddenly become less...garbagey overnight, but Stella seems convinced. Tim tells the designers they will have an hour to send their models to hair and makeup in the Tresemme hair salon and the L'Oreal makeup room and he sends in the models. I was hoping for some model drama but I think everyone is too concerned about time constraints and all I hear is a cheery "great, let's get naked!"
Blayne does throw us a bone after he sends his model to hair and makeup. He looks at the camera and explains that his model has "more curves than...I even knew about" and THAT'S why his black netted nightmare didn't fit correctly on the first try. As (yet another) aside, I think "more curves than I even knew about" would make a GREAT tagline.
Tim comes in to corral all the models and designers onto the runway. The editors have to do some quick censoring as Stella's garbage bag dress flashes open as they walk away, leaving her model completely bare-chested. Not trashy at all, Stella! Good form.
On the runway, Heidi (wearing a metallic brocade mini-dress with a wide red belt) greets the designers and introduces the judges. Like seasons of the past (thank goodness!) we have Michael Kors (top American designer), Nina Garcia (editor-at-large of Elle magazine), and guest judge Austin Scarlett (douchebag extraordinaire). Heidi also recaps the prizes the winner will...win, those being a 2009 Saturn Vue, a fashion spread in Elle magazine, $100,000 to start a design line, and the title of Top Chef! No, that's not it...
And the runway show begins. As the season goes on (and more designers are eliminated) I'll post all the pictures from the show, but with sixteen designers I fear that those of you who have stuck with this post for this long will bail ship. So I'll skip to the end and give you the six designers and outfits the judges wanted to "speak with further".
First we have Daniel:
Then Jerry:
Korto:
Stella:
Kelli:
And, finally, Blayne:
Daniel is called first, and everyone likes his cup-dress. Even Nina likes it, proclaiming it "sculptural". Jerry is next, and as much as everyone liked Daniel's dress, they HATE Jerry's. Michael Kors seems to dislike it the most, comparing it to both a bridal nurse AND a handi-wipe gone wrong. Heid jumps on the bandwagon, brightly adding that it reminds her of a hospital plumber. Korto is next on the line and although I didn't like her dress at all, especially the tossed salad neckline, the judges seem to think it's great. Austin is happy she used fresh ingredients (again, this is a DRESS, not a meal) and Nina says she can appreciate that it's impeccably done. Whatev. Stella's up next and, unsurprisingly, they all think it looks like garbage. Shock! Kelli's dress is up and the judges are happy. Michael says he thought Kelli used marbled paper, and commends her for being creative with the vacuum bags. Nina asks about the hook and eye closures on the back, and when Kelli says that she made them out of a notebook spiral (!) Nina says "I like the way you think". Me too, Kelli! Hearts and kisses to you! Terrifying Blayne is last, and he interrupts the judges to tell them he "didn't want them to be bored". They say not to worry, because they've never been less bored by what looks like a fly-inspired wrestling diaper. They hate it.
The designers are sent off stage to wait while the judges make their final decision. Michael Kors has now convinced himself that the only reason anyone would wear Jerry's dress is if they were going to kill someone. Heidi says Stella's garbage-mess was just "butt ugly". Nina keeps going on about how Korto's yellow kimono/salad getup lets Nina know Korto has "great taste". Wha? The designers are brought back out and the decision is announced:
Winner: Kelli! She goes off into the back room, does a little dance, and sits down with immunity for next week. Ooh, and also a whole sleeve of tattoos on her right arm! I never saw that before...Kelli, you are a sweet, sweet mystery.
Loser: Jerry! According to the judges, he is memorable, but not in a good way. Goodbye, Jerry, and may you have a long and prosperous career in slasherwear.
*****
Whew! That will surely be the longest recap ever. Introductions, explanations, googly-eyed madness...I think it's obvious who my initial favorite is, but who do you like? Give me your thoughts, comments, additions, and corrections in the comments!
so many great things here, the torch has been passed and light and carried on to victory!
Blayne sounds delicious - can't wait til I see this episode!
Gristedes - ew!
"Stella, those leggings would make Mary-Kate Olsen's behind look awful. Fail." HEEEE!!!
"Stella melts into an Aging Rocker Puddle" I can't wait to meet Stella! She sounds like exactly what this show needs.
Sorry you don't like Austin Scarlett? He's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. But he probably is a douche. A douche I want to give me makeup tips.
From the pictures, I'm in love with Daniel. Because melting cups! How hipster!
Posted by: "antoinette" | July 17, 2008 at 02:17 PM
oh, I meant to end that comment cleverly like... "now I'm off to work on the curves I never knew about." Sheesh. Next time.
Posted by: "antoinette" | July 17, 2008 at 02:19 PM
oh one more thing... Jerry's model looks like a DUDE.
That is all.
Posted by: "antoinette" | July 17, 2008 at 02:28 PM
uhm - let me just say I am SOOOOOOOOO glad you're doing Project Runway recaps. This just means I don't have to go to some other blah blog, and subscribe to it to get snide remarks and other jewels about the show. I can just come here! Hooray! I'm excited.
I had JUST finished watching the recorded show when I saw you had posted - that must have taken you hours to write, girl. Lol.
I'm happy you're writing...but extremely frustrated that they're moving it to LIFETIME. WHAT? Who's dumb idea was that? And...how'd you find out? That is going to...well...suck.
Keep up the good work.
By the way, my husband reads your blogs now...because he thinks you're that clever/funny. Awesome? Yes. He only subscribes to like 6 blogs. Lol.
Posted by: Claire | July 17, 2008 at 03:16 PM
Great recap! I don't have cable so these are fun to read and, yes, I made it to the end. It was quite entertaining.
My favs are the Daniel, the Korto, and the Kelli. I'm undecided as to which I like best: Daniel's or Kelli's. Both are very cool and creative. I also like Korto's. It has a Japanese flair to it, sortof kimono-ish. The salad neckline shows "great taste" LOL.
As for the curves on Blayne's model, umm, I wish? Geez. This is why designers make me sick and want to punch them. They think anything straying from a matchstick figure is fat or too curvy. Puhlease. I'd hate to hear what they'd say about me. Most likely I'd end up running away in tears & find myself in therapy for the next year.
Posted by: Chiada | July 17, 2008 at 03:54 PM
Excellent recapping! I'm so excited to see the season unfold. I, too, have a crush on Kelli. Maybe we could invite her to happy hour?
I am here as a rep of NYC (for the next 14 days!) to tell you that Gristede's is just a regular grocery store. Except by "regular grocery store" I mean, "stupid, tiny, overpriced, poor selection New York City grocery store."
Posted by: Laurel | July 17, 2008 at 03:55 PM
SO glad I'm not the only one to feel that Austin is a douchehole and that Stella really need to consider pants.
Posted by: velocibadgergirl | July 17, 2008 at 03:59 PM
Antoinette - let me save you the time and effort of finding Mr. Scarlett and do his makeup tips for you: LOTS AND LOTS OF FOUNDATION. Think you've got enough? Slather a little more on...there. No, add more.
Gristedes!
Claire - thanks! And now that I know you're a ProRun fan, I expect to get your snarky, funny commentary every week - what did you think about Blayne? Scary? Terrifyingly scary? Is that just me?
Chiada - yes, Blayne might benefit from a good punch to the face. I mean, I don't think he'd ACT any differently, but it might help with his googly-eye sitch. Also, re: the models without curves, when Keith told Heidi that he designs with her in mind, I was like, GEE, THANKS KEITH, FOR TOTALLY IGNORING THE OTHER 99.9% OF WOMEN. WHO DON'T LOOK LIKE A SUPERMODEL. Punch!
Gristedes!!
Laurel - Yes, please let's invite Kelli to happy hour. I kind of want a whole sleeve of tattoos now, just for Kelli. Even though I don't even have ONE tattoo, currently. Is this going too far? I think not. Also, thanks for shining light on the mystery that is the Gristley Tiddy. I didn't know if it was something specialty or just a normal little grocery.
VBG - it may be just you and me, honey, who think that about Mr. Scarlett. He seems to have quite the fan following around Project Runway parts. Why?? I'm glad we have each other :)
Posted by: elise | July 17, 2008 at 04:50 PM
I'm not really one to watch this sort of show, but I do think the yellow dress does have very cool lines underneath the ridiculous vegetative collar.
Posted by: Teacher A | July 17, 2008 at 04:56 PM
Unfortunately, Elise, I am not nearly as snarky as you. I don't have the magical ability to make everything sarcastic and humorous. For those traits...talk to Robyn Squyres. She's the queen of Snark (or maybe the princess, second only to you). It's a close call though...I think she might be slightly more cynical.
Blayne....was horrific from the get-go. Maybe he just looked WAY OVER TANNED on my monitor...but geez. He annoyed me the first time I saw him.
I'm terrible...but I pretty much judged everyone at face value...what they looked like and how they dressed. And from doing so, my potential favorites are: Kelli, Kenley, and Leanne. I want to like Jennifer...but she is just...SO shy and awkward, poor girl. And Wesley and Daniel for the guys.
I felt like the beginning of the show was a spoiler in a sense. You almost knew Jerry was going to go home from the get-go. Or maybe that's just hindsight. Whatever. He kept talking about how he was on the cusp of being...whatever...some high-end, well-known fashion designer. He just wanted to use this to advertise. Poo on him.
I definitely let out a loud "Uggggh" when Austin Scarlett appeared. I'll do it again...UGGGGH.
Since you know everything about Bravo, do you know if they're gonna air top design again? I hope they do - HGTV's Design Star has been a major disappointment this year (especially since they cut the season in half, episode wise).
Posted by: Claire | July 17, 2008 at 05:23 PM
Umm, you have obviously never had to hide from anyone. I...did...NOT...appreciate that. And let me just say that Terri apparently didn't run away fast enough at some point. Her face is just, just awful. Can't wait for Lifetime ProRun. It is going to have so much more estrogen in it.
Posted by: Kim Edwards | July 17, 2008 at 05:33 PM
antoinette is right. jerry's model? TRAN-NY.
Posted by: heather | July 17, 2008 at 05:35 PM
Kim - ooh, sorry...this is awkward, huh?
heather - I had forgotten to click and examine more closely but upon that second inspection - I'd have to say YES. Also, that picture of Jerry's dress is VERY forgiving. In real life it had this really huge boxers hood thing and also a tail, of sorts, coming off the back...FAIL!
Posted by: elise | July 17, 2008 at 05:45 PM
Oh, and Claire! Check your email!
Posted by: elise | July 17, 2008 at 05:46 PM
Funny thing about the PR recaps...it seems like a long thing when writing but the reading just zips along. What else are you supposed to do, right? Too many delicious details. I am either going to love or hate Stella. But as you know, I am already in major hate with both Suede and Blayne. Which is all part of the fun.
Posted by: Lorraine | July 18, 2008 at 05:15 PM
Over at DavidDust, Blayne will now be referred to as "Tango".
CLICK HERE to find out why, and to confirm that he IS indeed a googly-eyed Muppet.
XOXO
Posted by: DavidDust | July 18, 2008 at 05:18 PM
Hi and welcome to the wonderful world of recapping PR! Thanks for your comment on mine!
Austin is so not a douche. He's a sensitive young southern lady. :)
I'm a huge Top Chef fan too - recapped that one on my food blog.
Posted by: Kathy | July 18, 2008 at 07:14 PM
what did tim gunn say to the designers in the preview of week 2...he looked very irritated.
Posted by: hew | July 19, 2008 at 08:10 PM
I enjoyed your recap as much as I enjoyed the show last week. I desperately wanted Blayne to go home, but now I hope he sticks around longer so I can read what you have to say about him!
Posted by: Quart | July 23, 2008 at 12:59 PM
first off, i'd like to say that this is going to be a great season. BUT some contestants are stuck up, like that asian guy. "they are putting on trash, the same stuff i throw away" HOW RUDE!! and blayne does have those googley eyes, "i will dominate!" AUSTIN SAID THAT THE BUNNY WRESTLER GIRLICIOUS DRESS WAS HIDIOUS. okay, im done.
Posted by: andrea | July 23, 2008 at 03:00 PM
You are the perfect person to carry on the ProRun torch! This was a great re-cap. And dude, I LOVE Kelli. And she is from MY TOWN!!! I am going to her boutique ASAP, even though probably nothing in there would fit on even one of my legs. I'll look forward to tomorrow's re-cap!!
Posted by: Cassie | July 23, 2008 at 06:31 PM
You are the perfect person to carry on the ProRun torch! This was a great re-cap. And dude, I LOVE Kelli. And she is from MY TOWN!!! I am going to her boutique ASAP, even though probably nothing in there would fit on even one of my legs. I'll look forward to tomorrow's re-cap!!
Posted by: Cassie | July 23, 2008 at 06:33 PM
This was the first time I've ever seen PR, and I LOVED IT. Almost as much as I loved this recap.
Posted by: Operation Pink Herring | July 24, 2008 at 01:02 PM