Car Lots, Books, And Music (The Trifecta)

So, the other day while I was in LA, I lost my car downtown and got stranded on a rooftop parking lot for the entire night.  Well, almost.

I have parked in this particular lot many times before, and have never had any problems with it.  It's close to where I work, easy to see from street level (helps with my abysmal sense of direction), and stays open late.  On this particular Monday, the parking attendant took my five bucks when I pulled up, gave me a parking stub, and told me they would be open until 6pm.  Standard procedure.  I grabbed my stuff and said adios, heading out into the wilds of the Los Angeles Fashion District.

A little before 5:30pm, after I had finished working and also managed to convince myself into buying a big, white watch (my friend said, after I finally made the purchase, that he had never seen anyone get buyer's remorse WHILST buying the item), I started heading back to my car.  I easily located my particular rooftop parking structure and took the (unbelievably slow) elevator (that always smells EXACTLY like pee) up to the fourth floor and got out to find the parking attendant.  No dice.

I figured he might be down taking a smoke break or something (although I'm not sure why you would have to get off the roof to do such a thing), and that he'd probably be back fairly quickly.  Plus, anyone who's ever driven much in LA knows that leaving downtown to go anywhere around 6pm is going to be a long, slow process.  So I wasn't in a huge hurry.  However, as I waited, I kept seeing other patrons of this car lot walk out of the elevator with car keys in hand, open their cars, and drive off.  How were they getting the keys?  Where was the magic key guy, handing out keys?  I certainly never saw him.  Was he in the Pee Elevator?  I finally flagged down one of the happily be-keyed drivers to ask him what was up. 

Here's a rundown of that conversation:

Me:  "Excuse me, sir?  Umm, sir?  Sorry...I just...umm, I can't find the parking attendant, and I saw you had your keys...where did you get them?  Is the guy downstairs?"

Him:  "....."

Me:  "I mean, you know.  Your KEYS?  Did someone down there give you your keys?  THE KEYS, WHERE DID YOU GET THEM?"

Him (shrugging):  "ehhhh....I not know?"

Me:  "of COURSE you don't speak English, okay, whatever, whatever."

I am, at this point, getting more than a little concerned about my car.  I decide that probably the best plan of action is walking frantically around the top of the building, looking everywhere for signs of parking attendant life, and appearing (I'm sure) insane.  Finally someone who looks like he MIGHT work for somebody around there walks up, and I nearly jump on him.

Me:  "THEKEYS,OMG,WHEREISTHEGUYWITHTHEKEYS, (breath) ICAN'TFINDHIMANDWHEREISHE?"

Him:  "....keys?"

Me:  "YES.  The keys to my car?  It's right there?  And I have to leave?  And I have no keys?  And the parking lot guy, he isn't up here?"  For some reason when I get upset, I end everything with an upward inflection.  It's totally involuntary, and I hate it because I KNOW it does nothing but immediately label me as Crazed Emotional Woman.  Frustrating.

Him:  "Ahhh....yeeees....I think he is left.  I think he is left, ehhh...around 5 or 5:30?"

Me:  "No.  No, that can't be true, because he TOLD me 6pm; it's always 6pm, and it's NOT 6PM."

Him (shrugging):  "Huh.  I don't know.  Maybe you check on third floor?"

Me:  "Why?  What is on the third floor?  What am I looking for?  Wait!"

Him (walking away):  "Good luck!"

These two conversations very neatly sum up my view on Los Angeles, which is something I get asked about a lot since I'm out there at least half of my life these days.  Do I like it?  Do I hate it?  Is it all superficial and golden bronzed and beautiful on the surface?  Underneath is it crime-ridden and totally scary?  Sure, I guess it's all of those things, in some measure.  But what it really is is apathetic.  That's the one and only word I've ever come up with that succinctly and accurately describes Los Angeles, in its entirety.  Apathetic.  No one cares about you, and they don't even have the heart to make that a mean thing.  They just really don't care.  If you're doing great, well, that's great for you.  Whatever.  If you're doing badly, say you're stuck on a rooftop, alone, in downtown LA, with no appreciable escape plan, well, too bad.  Best of luck.  Whatever.  Now of course both of my brothers and several of my good friends live in and around LA, and so OBVIOUSLY the apathy thing is a generalization of the greater population, and not a personal indictment on each and every Los Angelean.  So don't get all up in arms about how you live there and you are the OPPOSITE of apathetic and how dare I.  I'm sure you're a lovely person, and I do wish you would have been on the roof with me this past Monday.  But you weren't!  On with the story.

So after the exceptionally helpful advice from the even more helpful man, I ran down to the third floor, and started looking around.  Of course there was nothing but closed office doors and...well, that was all. Lots of closed and locked office doors.  I ran back up to the fourth floor, thinking how frustrating it would be to miss the freaking parking attendant while I was running a wild goose chase across the third floor (again, SUCH helpful advice!) and to my disappointment, no one was there. 

At this point, I seriously started considering my options.  Would I call someone?  It would take any person I knew out there at least an hour or two to get to me, and what would I do in the meantime?  I could call a taxi, but at rush hour, that would possibly cost me more than chartering a helicopter to do a rooftop pickup.  Either way, leaving my car up there meant that I would have to A) return downtown the next morning during normal business hours to pick my car up, B) force the unhappy friend/family member to give me a ride back downtown the next morning OR pay the taxi/helicopter the rest of my life savings to do so and C) absolutely miss both my car rental drop-off time (thus ensuring another full day's cost) AND my flight.  So.  I was unhappy.  And really, I kind of started Freaking Out.  And when I say Freaking Out, I mean my version of such, which involves a lot less crying and lot more...furiousness?   I mean, how DARE the parking attendant just leave?  What in the world?  Who DOES that?  What am I supposed to do?  And it STILL wasn't after 6pm!

I stalked around angrily until I had the bright idea to walk down the parking ramp and see if I ran into anyone on my way.  Around level two, I saw an empty parking attendant cage, but upon closer inspection saw that a man, wearing an employee shirt, was sitting in a parked van nearby.  I walked (with purpose!) up to the van and demanded to know where my keys were.  Sure, I realized that he had no idea who I was or what I was talking about, but I am pleased to report that I apparently had SO much purpose in my voice, that the poor man jumped out of his van, walked over to the lockbox, opened it, and handed me a set of keys.  The only problem was, they weren't keys to my car.  In fact, they were keys to a much, MUCH nicer car, a car parked on level two, which I guess is corporate parking or something.  Anyway, after a second of moral relativism (hmm, what could I do with this car?) I informed Parking Lot Man that those were NOT my keys, and that I needed MY keys, immediately.  He didn't seem to understand me (again, with the no English), and kept pushing the other keys at me, as if to say "here, crazy!  Keys!  Take the keys!  Leave me be!"  But I wasn't having any of it.  I dragged Parking Lot Man all the way up to level four, pointed at my car, and said "KEYS.  I NEED KEYS TO THAT CAR".  And after a series of phone calls, all in rapid Spanish, another parking attendant came back to the lot and gave me my keys.  Not to worry though, he hadn't "left" as in "left downtown".  He had only "left the premises, to go to the other lot".  OH GOOD, BECAUSE THAT MAKES A BIG DIFFERENCE TO ME, THE ONE WITH NO KEYS.  Leaving is leaving.  And had he not been summoned by Scared Parking Lot Man, he wouldn't have come back until the next morning.  Again, with the apathy.  Too bad for me!  He had to go to the other lot.

Ugh.

So, let's segue.  I need book suggestions, stat.  I am out of good books and I am in a definite reading mood and yet I have nothing that I know of that I must read.  Note:  I don't think I am up for something REALLY deep and soul-searching.  I mean, kind of deep is okay.  Like I could handle some death and depression, but nothing where I feel like I must immediately go to Darfur and what about my carbon footprint and how dare I be such a horrible human.  I'm not really ready for that at the moment. 

And, if you don't have a great book suggestion (or even if you do), then how about a song suggestion?  I have been totally loving all the mixes that have been passed around the ol' Interwebs these days, and stemming from a fun email conversation I had yesterday with Tiff, thought it would be awesome if everyone could just give me one song that they feel I must listen to immediately, right now.  Your mantra song of the moment, if you will.  I'd absolutely love to listen to the suggestions.  And bonus points if you want to tell me WHY it's your mantra right now. 

So, there you go.  You guys get a long, rambling story about how I almost lost my car in downtown LA, and in return I get awesome book and music suggestions.  Sounds about right, doesn't it?

Comments

[Hoover]

What about the nice friend who was stuck on the roof of the opposite building, waiting on you to get your car, and kinda needing to go to the bathroom?

Book suggestion: The Sparrow, by Mary Doria Russel.

[elise]

Of course, but then you would have been B) the unhappy friend who spent at least 4 hours carting me around that night and the next morning. Plus, you were late for a phone date with the Hawk :)

[Caustic Cupcake]

I just finished The Abstinence Teacher by Tom Perrotta. Reading the plot summary, I thought, "Well, that sounds boring. Why would anyone write a book about this?" And it turned out to be amazing.

If I had been in that parking garage, there would have been tears.

[Anna]

Oh, how I wish I was the kind of person who got angry instead of teary in the face of frustration. I'm totally jealous. If it were ME who was stranded on a rooftop parking lot in LA, I'd probably still be there, right now, days later; dirty and crying, crouched in the fetal position in a corner of the lot.

ANYHOO. Book suggestions:

Light and funny reading: David Sedaris Me Talk Pretty One Day is my all-time favorite humorous book. Humorous, lovely, well written...I want David Sedaris to be my BFF. If you haven't read it, do it. If you have, I love you even more than I already do.

Deeper, depressing, but not in a "I'm a horrible person" sort of way: Wall Lamb's She's Come Undone; My all-time favorite serious boo. The way he writes from a woman's point of view is incredible.

Runner Up: White Oleander by Janet Fitch. If you've seen the movie, please don't judge the book. The book is a MILLION times better.

And yes, I realize these are both Oprah books, but I'd like to state for the record that I read them BEFORE they were in her book club.

Songs: Justin Nozuka "After Tonight" and "We Were Supposed to Grow Old." Missy Higgins "Ten Days" and "Where I stood." These are two of my current favorites because I love depressing love songs (After tonight isn't depressing, but the rest of them are.) Lupe Fiasco "Daydreaming," "Go Baby." "Go Baby" is AWESOME for working out, and "Daydreaming" is just a really great effing song. Lupe is quickly becoming my favorite rapper, because there's something totally loveable, yet still badass about him.

Okay, I'm done now. Seeing as I just basically wrote a whole post in your comment section.

[Dingo]

I am furious on your behalf. Seriously, just reading your story I knew that the attendant just couldn't give two bits about how you were to get your keys. Ooooohhhhh, don't get me started.

As for books, my "to be read pile" is ginormous. But as for things I've read and recommend:

Year of the Plague (death and depression but no Darfur inducing guilt).

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan-- Lisa See

Me Talk Pretty One Day -- I agree with Anna here. This is one funny, laugh out loud book.

Seraph on the Suwannee -- little known Zora Neale Hurston book but one of her best (and my favorite).

Dangerous Liasions -- Choderlos de Laclos

My latest music addiction is Paolo Nutini. Check him out on YouTube.

[rachel]

this is so frustrating!! ugh i would have been soo stressed out.

i've been enjoying Adele (music suggestion)

Have you read the Emily Giffin books (book suggestion)

[Laurel]

For the ninety-seven thousandth time, THANK GOD I have no car. I would have punched someone in your position.

I recently read The Other Boleyn Girl--better than your average chick lit, fluffier than literary fiction. Highly recommend.

[nancypearlwannabe]

Are you on GoodReads? That's the best for finding book suggestions. I just read Jhumpa Lahiri's The Namesake and I loved it.

[Sam]

I once drove a friend around a garage for an hour looking for her car before she realized she was in the wrong garage and had actually parked in the garage across the street.

You should read There's a (slight) chance I'm going to hell. You sound like the author.

[Tiffany]

First time commenter but I LOVE getting book suggestions so I thought I'd see who was recommending what. For my contribution I am just now finishing Those Who Save Us by Jenna Blum. It is fantastic.

[Wickedly Scarlett]

Good grief! What a nightmare! I'm really glad you eventually tracked down your keys...

As for book suggestions, I really enjoyed The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (Mark Haddon), The Last Town on Earth (Thomas Mullen), and if you just want complete mind candy with a little more heart than most chick lit I LOVE Marian Keyes!

[b]

i'm slightly tipsy. but "lately" by charity daw is um kinda amazing and my life right now. go check it out. trust. because we share the same music love. truuust. love youuuuu.xoxo

go here:
http://www.myspace.com/charitydaw

enjoy. trust. oh, "spared" is really good, too. xoxo

[helen]

Driving in L.A is just the most horrible thing ever anyway. I drove through Hollywood in December and am still trying to get over it!
No books to suggest but here's a great song, an in the car with windows down and played very loud song.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=KE2orthS3TQ

[tiff]

i'm stealing all these book suggestions and then I'm going to bring the books down to texas and sit on your back porch and we'll read them and drink lemonade and read our favorite parts aloud. Okay?

Daydreamin is probably my favorite song of the moment by Lupe. But I'm feeling musically uninspired since you ask me who my all time favorite band was. I STILL DONT HAVE ONE.

[elise]

I am absolutely loving these suggestions. Music and books both. I already feel more fulfilled in life ;)

Ooh, and I REALLY love that all of you guys seem to love Sedaris as much as I do! I mean, we are like a little niche community over here! This is the sort of thing that makes me LOVE blogging. Y'all are awesome.

[Jen]

Poor you! Good on you for persevering and finally getting your keys back! A somewhat (but not really) related story - a friend of mine once reported her car stolen, however, the police investigation revealed that the car was not stolen. She simply forgot where she had parked. Woo!

Book recommendation: The Bloody Chamber, by Angela Carter. Modern, gory, delicious fairy tales. Love.

[Operation Pink Herring]

That is a truly terrible story. I thought it was going to turn out that you'd been swindled and your car had been stolen, because I've never heard of leaving your keys with the attendant! Really? They do that out there?

I was stranded in a parking garage one time, we couldn't find anyone to open the gate and it was about 3am. I had to pee so badly and we were all (except the DD!) really drunk and tired. After being stuck in a little mall attached to the parking garage for over an hour, AFTER I PEED IN A MALL PLANT, we realized there was a button next to the gate that you just had to push to get the damned thing to open. Gah. I hate parking garages.

[brookem]

hello! sorry it take me for-freaking-ever to get back over here and comment!

sucks about your car! a similar thing happened to me once with a whole parking garage/attendent thing- the guy left, and my roommate and i were STUCK in the garage because the gate was closed! oof.

music? well, you like radiohead and so do i, so im thinking we may have some similar tastes. i love love josh radin. also, cary brothers, imogen heap, maria mena, ingrid michaelson, ryan adams, frou frou (same as imogen), aaaaand, timmy curran. there's a few for ya!

[ashley]

Oh wow that sucks. Remind me never to do that. I'm glad I live in the country. :)

[Katy]

I swear your parking lot story is a West Coast thing. The exact same thing happened to me in Portland when I lived there in 2006. I parked my car in front of another car in the gnarly parking garage under my building in which people park in rows of three or four cars just to cram more in there. I gave the attendant my keys, walked out of the office at 6 p.m. and promptly realized I was stuck with no attendant and thus no keys. I had to coerce a friend to drive me to downtown Portland during rush hour (which, OK, fine, it's not as bad as L.A. at ANY hour) to find Mystery Parking Garage on 5th Avenue where the orphaned keys are supposedly taken at the end of every business day and then go back to the parking garage at MY office building where I finally, FINALLY got into my car and drove home. Lesson learned? Give parking lot attendants your valet key (if your car came with a valet key) and keep your real key with you. It is not to be given up on your life no ma'am.

Have you read "Running With Scissors"? Or anything by Augusten Burroughs? You might like.