Full-On Randomness

When I notice that something's running out, I get really nervous and turn into Hoarder Girl.  For example, the other day I walked into the bathroom and saw that we had one square of toilet paper left, clinging to the empty cardboard roll.  And my first reaction wasn't "ugh, why won't Cody just put a new roll on when the old one runs out?" or even a light-hearted and less-naggy "hmm, hope I have a extra roll in the cabinet up here".  Rather, my brain immediately turns into some sort of high-tech toilet paper calculator, frantically tabulating every spare roll of toilet paper in the house, where each roll is located at that very moment, and how much longer we can last on that much toilet paper without running out.  I have to have at least a 3 roll comfort zone, so that means subtracting 3 from the total.  If, at the end of these intensive calculations, I am anywhere near ZERO TOILET PAPER, I have a mini-panic attack and vow only to pee until I can make it to the store.  Once I obtain a brand new pack of toilet paper (or whatever it is I was running out of), the countdown begins anew.  And my brain does all of this on its own, without any conscious effort or acknowledgment from me.

Lydah is getting spayed tomorrow.  Cody has been incessantly referring to this as her "vagectomy".  (Oh, the creepy Googlers who will find my site now.)  I am somewhat concerned about this surgery, as we have what you might call a "doggy diva", who yelps and flinches at the slightest thought of pain or discomfort.  Some people have to worry about keeping their pups from running around all crazily and trying to rip their stitches out.  We have to worry about Lydah's precarious mental state, and whether she's about to fall, head over heels, into a full-fledged canine depression.  I've heard they make Doggy Prozac.  If this is true, I may be their next (ridiculous) customer.

My brother and I were chatting online and he said he wanted me to bring him my parents' camping tent the next time I came out to visit.  Because he is my brother, and some things never change, my gut response was to tell him that I was keeping the tent for myself, although I haven't been camping since I was about 9 years old.  I just didn't want him to have it without me being difficult, even though I could easily borrow any number of tents if the urge suddenly struck me to go set up camp in the woods, surround myself with bugs, drink nothing but stale, warm canteen water, eat something scraped out of a can, and eventually degrade myself to the point of using the bathroom behind a tree.  Camping.  Why do people VOLUNTARILY lower their standard of living for vacation?  It's like hey, I live in a HOUSE, with a ROOF, and RUNNING WATER.  And for the privilege of all these things, I work every day so that I can pay my bills.  And now that I have worked hard all week and have some time off, I know what we should do!  We should pack up a tent, take it out to some secluded area, work really hard to set up a campsite, and then sit in the dirt all weekend.   It reminds me of that scene in Office Space where Peter Gibbons is talking to his neighbor, Lawrence.  Peter is considering the question "what would you do if you had a million dollars", and after some thought, he says that what he would like most is to do absolutely nothing. 
"Nothing?" Lawrence asks.  "Hell, you don't need a million dollars to do nothing.  Take a look at my cousin, man - he's broke, don't do sh*t." 
That's how I feel about camping.  If you REALLY like camping, then why are you working anywhere at all?  Why do you have a bank account, or a car, or a mortgage?  Why not just quit everything, buy some supplies, and go live in the woods in a tent?  Wouldn't that be easier?

And with that, I'm out.  Not to go camping though.  No, I'll be taking full advantage of all the modern-day luxuries I have on hand this weekend, like flushing toilets and that big metal box they call the refrigerator.

Comments

[Hoover]

Amen to the camping. Although I like backpacking. There is movement and exercise and you see scenic things.

When you camp, all you do is sit. And the only things you see are other campers. Also sitting.

[tiff]

heeeehhaaaaa! you crack me up lady!

the toilet paper is me in the avenue of having a toilet paper comfort zone. My zone is also three!! Even though we buy ours at Costco so I don't have to calculate and recalibrate my freakouts so often.

But, I have a confession. I camp! And I like it! Maybe I should quit life and live outside! Do you still love me?

[Operation Pink Herring]

They make kitty prozac, so I'm sure they make doggie prozac too. If not, Lydah can share Max's prescription. They're probably about the same size, anyway.

[Chiada]

A couple of things:

1. When our dog Chloe had her hysterectomy, she came home all groggy. She slept in the bed with us, as she normally did, and the next morning she woke up and started heaving. I knew she was gonna throw up, so I screamed and we scrambled to get her off the bed before she threw up. Thankfully we made it off the bed, but not by far. She ended up puking (as a side effect to the anesthesia) twice on our living room floor. Thank goodness is was Pergo/wood so it cleaned up easily. Poor girl.

2. I have been an avid camper my whole life. When I camp I sometimes sit around reading a book, relaxing, getting a suntan, and listening to the creek or ocean. Other times I use the campsite as a base from which to go hiking, exploring, rock-hopping, fishing, etc.

Regarding stale warm canteen water: Hub-E and I found these huge 14 gallon containers from K-Mart that we put filtered drinking water in. We took two of them in the truck and, since it got very cold at night, the water stayed nice and refreshingly cool. Plus I didn't have to worry about getting gerardia or amoebas from the creek water.

The best experience I ever had camping? Last Fall in the Sierra's where my friend's dad rigged up an outdoor shower. Being handy, he brought along some pieces of plywood about 3 feet square to lay on the dirt as the floor of the shower. Then he rigged up a couple of tarps with bungee cords and hung them between 3 pine trees to make the walls of the shower. All we had to do was boil a pot of water over the camp's firepit and then add it to a bucket that was half full of cold creek water. This created warm to hot water to shower with. They bought a shower hose thingy that is battery operated that pumps the water from the bucket up through the sprayer. Standing out there, stark naked behind the tarp, in the cool evening air of the high Sierra mountains, showering with warm water, was pure bliss. I'm telling you.

And then I got to go to bed clean every night after sipping whiskey and visiting with friends around the campfire.

And you don't like camping because...?

;)

[Laurel]

Why is it that the SECOND our sibling wants something, we suddenly want it ourselves??? Hilarious!

[elise]

Hoover - glad I got SOME anti-camping love around here

Tiff - we've spoken about our differences, and I think we can both agree that they only serve to make our love even stronger. That being said, chocolate gummy bears? Really?

OPH - ZING! Double zing! Get it? Get it, everyone? Max is a super fat cat and Lydah is an anorexic little runt. Wicked burns all around!

Chiada - I'd like to formally invite you to come camping with me, in Tyler State Park, this August. THEN WE'LL SEE WHO LOVES CAMPING AND WHO HATES IT WITH THE HEAT OF A THOUSAND FIERY SUNS

Laurel - when Cody read this post he said that was his favorite part because he knew I would want the tent for myself as soon as my brother expressed any interest :) I think this is so deeply ingrained that it's inescapable. Yeah. That's my excuse, anyway

[Mauigirl]

I hear you on the camping thing. I used to go on campouts with the Girl Scouts when I was a kid and even then I couldn't wait for a nice hot shower when I got back after only two nights. Let alone having to go to the "latrine" in the middle of the night in the woods.

I don't even like staying in B&Bs that have the bathroom down the hall!

Good luck, hope Lydah comes through her operation with flying colors. Just be careful she doesn't try to chew out any stitches she comes home with!

[Julie]

Yea that post was totally random.
They past couple of weeks, I have been practically giving things away... so I wouldn't mind letting your brother have the tent.

Although, I would NEVER own a tent because I pretty much hate wildlfie, unless its in a zoo.

:)

[Jay]

Camping is only fun when you know you have a nice warm bed to come home to. Otherwise you're just a hobo.

I love the 3-roll comfort zone.

[sam]

I just stumbled across your blog and I love it. I was reading parts of it to my friends, but they made me stop (they don't like strangers blogs).

I also like camping, but I hope it's okay that I like your blog and camping. I wouldn't have told you about the camping, but it seemed necessary for some odd reason. And I won't give up living in the real world and just go camp because I also like cute shoes and purses. Those don't go well with camping or with no money. You gotta have some balance I guess.

[alyndabear]

How is Lydah feeling now?

[New Duck]

I totally hear you on the toilet paper thing. I have about twenty rolls in my house at all times, plus an emergency roll of really scratchy stuff that I'm never tempted to use just because I'm too lazy to go to the store. I also have an obsession with Noxzema, but that's a different story.