The Ugly Toe

I've been in denial for a while now. 

"Look!"  I'd say.  "See, you can hardly even tell it's different from the other toe.  I definitely think the nail will stay on."  I persevered, even though my every plea for encouragement was met with staunch negativity.

"Elise," they would say.  "You popped your toenail off of your nail bed like the cap from a bottle.  The nail is COMING OFF."

Still, I refused to believe it.

"I'm going on a cruise in January!  To summery locales!  Where I will have to swim, and wear swim-friendly attire!  And sunny weather footwear!  I can't prance around in a bikini and boots.  The NAIL MUST STAY ON."

"It's coming off.  Probably any day now.  And they take months to regrow.  Prepare yourself."

I've entertained various ideas involving super glue, copious amounts of nail polish, and press-on nails.  I've spent time online, researching other cases of Ugly Toe, and determining how I might avoid a similar plight.  And all I've received in reward for my serious study are pictures like this and this (an aside: the last picture is from that awful toe fungus medicine commercial, the one which I CANNOT watch without squirming in disgust, I mean seriously, little fungi gnomes PULLING OFF TOENAILS?  How is this FCC-mandated?)

Gross.

So you can see my problem.  I have visions of the cruise, and of myself looking something like this (note: pretty, non-disfigured toes! ignore: aspiring to somehow look like Jessica Alba in the next 20 days is far more foreboding and troublesome than the toe issue and speaks to unaddressed and serious problems we won't even get into at this time).

I am afraid that what is actually going to happen is more like this. 

Because today my stupid, traitor toenail fell off.  And I am leaving for the cruise in, like, 20 days.   

Maybe it's for the best, though.  I think that second girl looks like she could be lots of fun to hang out with.  I mean, as long as you aren't male, superficial, interested in being taken seriously, or the type who cares about personal hygiene and, you know.  Ugly toes, wrinkly toe-skin that no one should ever see, or being disgusted on a fairly consistent basis.  Stuff like that.

Comments

[Amanda]

This reminds me about something which happened a few weeks ago. My mum asked me to take her nail polish off her toes and I was disgusted at the thought so I refused. But then I gave in and as I removed the dark plum coloured polish from her toes, I discovered that a BLACK FUNGUS had taken over her big toe!

This then led to us cutting half of the nail off (the fungus part).

Now almost everyday I can't help but to examine how the nail is going. I think it's an obsession or something...

Oh, and the nail polish was only on her toes for about a week - so it wasn't as if the fungus had been there for months! :-)

[janet]

umm, does your cruise like, stop in Washington DC? Cause I am still hoping you come visit sometime soon! :)

[Tom]

Dory, of Can't Remember Diddly, had her toenail pulled up off her nailbed in a motorcycle accident in July. (She was wearing flip-flops of all things)She just put a Band-Aid on it and it did reattach itself in about a week or two. you might try it. If it doesn't, the new nail will start growing under it.

[alyndabear]

Omg, those pictures totally grossed me out - and WHO thinks those little toenail gnomes are funny? Blech.

Good thing is, at least it's off - because now the new nail will grow faster. Right?

Besides, I'm sure noone will even think to look at your toenail, so no worrying about it, you hear? Just have a great time!

[Princess Extraoridnaire]

Ew. I have been where you are now and I hate to say it but you have to let go and let it grow back - although my sister did use super glue once and painted over her toe while she was on a trip - sounds gross (and it was) but it looked great after photo shop...

[Sarah]

I lost my big toenail due to soccer and while painful (as I was still kicking a ball with that toe) for a while, it wasn't that bad. Just don't let it get stepped on. That really hurts. And it'll grow back in like 2 months. Do you at least have a cool story as to why it fell off?

[Teacher A]

I vote for sandals and a Band-Aid over the offending toe. For all anyone will know, you just stubbed that one--or dropped a knife on it. Whatever mundane or exciting story suits the situation.

[heather]

if it makes you feel any better, jessica alba is pregnant, so you may not want to look like her anymore... or soon anyway.

[heather]

if it makes you feel any better, jessica alba is pregnant, so you may not want to look like her anymore... or soon anyway.

[AB]

Band-aids. Yes. They're the only solution at this point. It probably won't be that bad, though.

[Laurel]

Oh man... as much as I love to run, I am terrified that I will one day get an ugly toe.

Definitely band-aid that sucker. No one will notice!