At Least Our Nightly Rates Are Competitive

As a follow-up to that last post, I thought I'd share another short story of hospitality and house guests.  You see, my husband's family is just notoriously hospitable, and will pretty much put up anyone for any length of time should the need arise.  They are kind of like a halfway house, a mini-hotel, and a work-site all in one.  You can stay there for as long as you want, but be prepared to maybe build an entire wall out of pea-gravel and mortar you'll mix yourself.  That's all I'm sayin'.

Because of their extensive experience in hosting guests, sometimes for extended periods of time, we have taken the opportunity to learn from Cody's parents' store of knowledge.  One of the results of this is that we're pretty much going to say yes to anyone who needs to stay with us, at any time, for pretty much however long they want to stay.  Another result is that we learned early the Carter Cardinal Rule of Hosting: Never, ever give up your own bed.  You'll only be sore and tired and, eventually, resentful.

So!  We don't give up our own bed.  And at this point, probably no one would even want it.  We have a relative menagerie of animals running around here, and one or two of them usually end up sleeping in or around our bed.  I really don't feel like we have that many animals, especially since I am currently trying to convince Cody that we could use another puppy.  However, the other day when I was vacuuming absolute meteor-sized hairballs off the floor, I mentioned to my friend that I just couldn't believe how much animal hair was always all over the place.  "I mean, I vacuum like two or three times a week now, and it doesn't matter!  I can't imagine if I waited an entire week before cleaning.  Why are they shedding so bad?"  She replied by confirming whether or not we had two cats and a big, double-coated dog, all living inside.  When I replied in the affirmative, she said "Well, that's your problem.  You have THREE ANIMALS, just running free all over your house.  What would you expect?" 

I guess I expected a little bit more courteous shedding habits, or something.

Anyway.  Lydah nearly always sleeps in our bed with us, and one of our cats, Sophia, will certainly try to sneak in there given the chance.  Jill, our second cat, pretty much hates everyone, everything, and the very fact that she is alive, and therefore spends the vast majority of her time hiding under the bed in our guest room.  This is important to the story - some might call it foreshadowing.  Ooh.

Over the Fourth of July, we always have a big party out at the lake, and end up hosting quite a few people at our house.  Two years ago it was something like eleven people.  Last year it ended up more like six or eight.  Either way it's always fun, even when everyone loses their minds, collectively, and decides that sleeping is unnecessary.  This year, a new couple came to join the festivities, and we graciously offered up our guest room, it being the only other room in our house with an actual bed.  They even more graciously accepted our offer, and I had a fun time putting together a little basket of toiletries and other cutesy stuff that only a girl would care about.  Normally we seem to have a high percentage of male guests around here, so I was excited to have a female staying as well.  And she totally liked the basket.  She told me!

So, our new friends, Mr. and Mrs. Houseguest, were sleeping in the guest room.  Since Jill the Cat hates life in all its forms, especially human, she immediately vacated the premises as soon as she found that her space had been invaded.  I'm not sure where she went, but she was nowhere to be found.  She needn't have worried, given the fact that NO ONE SLEPT, LIKE EVER, for the first few nights, but she had relocated either way.  On the third night, sometime around 4am, people decided that they might want to get some shut-eye and so Mr. and Mrs. Houseguest made their way into the guest room, shut the door, and called it a night.  Only to emerge a half-hour later or so, carrying Sophie the Friendly Cat, who had squirmed her way through the crack in the door and was trying to snuggle up in bed with them.  They deposited Sophie outside the door, made sure the door was shut, and went back to sleep.  Always the tenacious one, Sophie spent the next 45 minutes or so outside their room, double-paw scratching at the door, hoping that one of those mighty paw-swipes would open the door and she could hop back in the bed.  Apparently she gave up after a while because our guests did eventually get some sleep that night.  They reported all of this to us the next morning over coffee, and we all laughed together because of how gracious they were being about our annoying cat.  We promised to sequester Sophie the following night so that they wouldn't be treated to a repeat of Cat, The Musical: If Scratching Doesn't Work, I'll Try Meowing Next!

True to our word, the next evening (well, maybe it was 3am) arrived, and we made sure that Sophie was locked in the laundry room with her food and litter box.  Jill was still MIA, so we didn't really worry about her.  Our friends retreated to their room, said goodnight, and shut the door.  I'm not sure whether they were just lying in bed talking, or what it was that caused the incident, but suddenly Mrs. Houseguest heard a strange growling noise.  "What IS that?  Do you hear that?  It sounds like...are you snoring?"  They both quickly determined that no one was, in fact, snoring, and that more than likely there was an animal in the room.  However, they had both witnessed our locking-up of Sophia and because Jill is so anti-social, neither the Mr nor the Mrs were even aware that she existed. 

So there they are, our new friends, lying in bed in the dark, listening to some strange animal's growling, petrified that maybe there is a stray raccoon or possum in their bedroom.  Mrs. Houseguest leaned over to turn on the bedside lamp, and as she brought her arm up to the light, she brushed up against fur.  "Aaahh!" she screamed, and in reflex, hit the button on the lamp.  The whole room lit up brightly, showcasing a bristling Jill, sitting directly on the edge of the bedside table, baring her teeth and letting out a loud and hateful "HISSSSSSSS!"

"Is this Sophie?!?" Mrs. Houseguest questioned, panicked.  "I don't think this is Sophie!  Sophie is....not like this!"  Mr. Houseguest got up, removed the hissing Jill from the room, and they laid back down in silence.  "I don't think that was the same cat," said Mrs.  "I don't think so either," said Mr.  "Holy crap, that was scary," Mrs commented.

"Yeah, they totally have stray cats, taking over their house."

Comments

[velocibadgergirl]

HEE!! This story totally cracked me up. I heart your kitties (and your good-humored houseguests)!

[Chaos Control]

I'm just jealous that you have the energy to stay up all night - multiple nights in a row. Wow!

[Mrs. Houseguest]

Oh my gosh!!! I was laughing so hard reading that. Definitely brought back the memories of Jill right in my face:):):) Even though I got I really scared that night......I had a total blast that weekend!! Don't worry, that won't ever keep us from staying with you guys again. Hee! Hee!

[thethinker]

My cat scratches on the door when she can't get in too. It is SO annoying.

[kyle]

i remember that one time that you got a puppy and were freaking out over it because you didn't know what to do. now it sounds like you're a seasoned professional. or you have just completely given up. perhaps there's not much difference between the two.

[Lindsey]

That is hilarious! It's a good thing they didn't take a baseball bat to the cat! I have two dogs, one of which sheds so much. Do you notice how a couple times a year, with the changing of a season they seem to shed more?

I totally empathize with the constant vacuuming. And of course my mom is like, "We told you not to get them..." Yeah, gee, thanks. So helpful. :-)

[Meredith]

You could maybe market your place as a safari experiences - never know what animals might slither in the room in the dead of night? :-)

[Brittany]

I've never had house guests.

And I don't want them. Ever.

[Lena]

Whoa! Animal Planet at Elise's! What good sports you all are! I'm having inlaws coming in this weekend and just bought all of the extra particulars for guest room and bathroom! Whew! Hope I didn't forget anything!

[Teacher A]

My aunt had a cat named Crabby Abby that only liked her and her husband. As kids, my sister and I were alternately fascinated and terrified by the hissing beast we would encounter in her house. The funniest event, though, was when Abby jumped up onto the sofa where my mom was sitting, hissed as she landed, and leaped out of the room.