Yeah, so what. I started watching Lost, after all this time.
Yes, I know, you told me it was great, you told me it was addicting, and now you've told me that it totally sucks and is largely plotless and extremely infuriating. And yet?
I watch.
I began Season One last week. As expected, I could not control myself and watched all eight episodes I rented in one sitting. I haven't rented the last two discs of Season One yet, because I haven't had a spare 8-10 hours come up as available, and the idea of me just sitting down to watch one or two at a time is laughable. I wish I was one of those normal people, you know, the types who can moderate.
Anyway, I'm not even writing to talk about Lost, and its crystal meth-like appeal. I only brought it up to show you this:
Looks innocent enough, right? It's the street you drive down to get to our house. Nice, serene, leafy....you know, nothing to be afraid of. Right?
WRONG. This, my friends, is a wild boar. A black, wiry, evil-looking, tusky, toothy HOG, circa Lost.
Aka THEY WILL KILL YOU SO YOU'D BEST NOT BE MESSIN' WITH 'EM.
Look! I ran up beside his carcass and placed a beer can by his head, just so that you could estimate the scariness of his massive size! I risked my life in doing so. I hope you're impressed.
Let me tell you how excited I am to discover that this boar, this wild, feral animal, is not an anomaly. No, no, there are hundreds of these guys, running around and wreaking their boarish havoc in the woods DIRECTLY BEHIND my house. Well, as long as "directly behind" can mean anything from "relatively near" to "a mile or two away from". Anyway, if you do watch Lost, you'll remember several scenes featuring the wild boar prominently, scenes that focused on the boar's size, strength, meanness, and KILLER TENDENCIES. Also, on the fact that boars are apparently good eatin'. But that's neither here nor there for me, as I do not own a bow and arrow nor a net-trap, nor do I have any inclination whatsoever to hunt and eat from my own backyard. I wonder where Darwin would put me on his list.
Luckily, I found this site, and my worries have been assuaged. Anyone who includes the phrases "ARE WILD HOGS DESTROYING YOUR PROPERTY or your CROPS?! 20+ YEARS experience in HOG REMOVAL. I'll kill'em for FREE!" and "I KNOW HOW TO DO IT SAFELY with RESPECT to the LAND OWNER and PROPERTY! You provide the land & hogs, I provide the skills and tools to get rid of'em" is a good person to have around in my book.
And look! He's from East Texas. I bet I'll see him at the Wal-Mart real soon.
OH. MY. GOD. Those wild hogs are the butt-ugliest things EVER!
Posted by: wordgirl | December 04, 2006 at 08:26 PM
"kill'em for FREE!" haha!
Those do look really scary! Is there some kind of anti-hog whistle/call/yell thing you could learn that will scare them away as they charge at you?
Posted by: Karen | December 05, 2006 at 12:42 AM
Yipes, I thought it was alive and just staring at you for a second.. but the beer can picture really cleared that up for me.
Season 1 was good, but now? I wouldn't watch it unless it were to take the piss out of it all. Although I do that with most shows (Greys being an exception) so...
Posted by: alyndabear | December 05, 2006 at 02:19 AM
Oh, dear Lord! Check out the size of those things in that guy's pictures!!! Horrifying!! How great to picture you...kneeling on the side of the road by a dead boar with your digital camera. Someone should have taken a picture of THAT.
Posted by: Allison | December 05, 2006 at 10:08 AM
Hello my long lost blogging friend! I'm trying to catch up on everything. Anyway. Grey's Anatomy became my addiction last year, damn super bowl and then I developed an unhealthy obsession with House. I even had a dream about him the other night. You know one of THOSE dreams. I have a problem! HAHA
Posted by: LC | December 05, 2006 at 04:22 PM
LOST does not suck, and it is not plotless. The plot slows down a bit in seasons 2 and 3, but the strength of the show has always been the characters and their development.
The show refuses to churn out rapid plot progression at the expense of its rich characters. If it did, it would be called 24.
Posted by: Hoover | December 05, 2006 at 09:44 PM
Chuckling...
Posted by: merry mama | December 05, 2006 at 09:46 PM
You know what's super fun? Try jogging in the wee hours, enjoying the peace and dewy coolness only to almost trip over one of those Smelly Masses of Mean! Good thing I had my running shoes on and I didn't have to pee. Oh, and I knew to make reeeeally sharp turns. Gets 'em every time. :-)
Posted by: Rebecca | December 05, 2006 at 10:39 PM
Yeah, I saw one as big as my car once. Everyone says I was on something that night, but I have never been on something. I almost had a heart attack right in the road. I suppose it was my punishment for being out, alone, in the middle of the night, in the middle of these piney woods. haha (I'm from east Texas, too.)
Posted by: Nina | December 06, 2006 at 08:35 AM
Hilarious - maybe he gives out boar bacon as a thank you for having him out.
Posted by: the Narcissist | December 06, 2006 at 03:22 PM
Hurray for Texas! Also, I bet PETA would love a link to this post.
Do you have the people up there that stop their trucks and put the dead roadkill deer in the back to bring home and eat?
Posted by: sarcastic journalist | December 08, 2006 at 10:05 AM