Dear Internet,
How are you? How was your pre-Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, and post-Thanksgiving? Good? I hope it was good.
Did you eat a lot of great food? See your various extended family? Have any awkward experiences with any of them? I'll bet you've got some really funny stories to tell.
I spent the vast majority of this past week in the store or on the phone with various wholesalers, ordering and re-ordering merchandise. I think my favorite telephone conversation included me saying "NO, my name is NOT 'Amy Taylor'. No, don't write that down. No! Don't send that to the factor. They'll never know what name....NO! Do you speak any English?" And then the other person replied "Yadda yadda bleh blah, something Chinese, Amy Taylor?" I love the fashion industry. It's just so glamorous.
I thought of you this morning on my way into work. I was standing in line at Starbucks, waiting on my venti soy caramel macchiato with sugar-free vanilla instead of the caramel and no sauce on top, please, and had the chance to overhear a conversation between a teenage girl and her mother. The girl was worried about ordering a frappuccino, because of the massive caloric content she would have to deal with, and right after Thanksgiving, too. The mom didn't feel that the calorie concern was valid, as the girl shouldn't worry about her weight; she looked great. I agreed on this point, feeling happy to see such a healthy mother/daughter interaction, and thinking that all girls should be so lucky. And then the mother said "Besides, I'll just give you a couple of your brother's Adderall like we did after Jamie's birthday party and you remember all the cake you ate that night - didn't even matter, girlfriend!" And then they both laughed manically. I thought that was such a touching story, and I just knew you would appreciate it.
So I've officially made it through the busiest week of the retail season. Black Friday was insanely busy. Why do they call it Black Friday, anyway? I thought that reference usually entailed something negative, but as far as retailers go, there's nothing negative about the Friday after Thanksgiving. Do you know?
I've got tons of stories from the week, too. I'll try and think of my best ones and write to you about them as soon as possible. For now, though, I'll leave you with this, my favorite encounter of today:
Me: So, here are the black pants, is this what you were looking for?
Customer: No, I want PARTY pants.
Me (trying to envision what something called "party pants" could possibly look like): Ummm....party pants. Ok, so, party pants. Like pants with more embellishment, or rhinestones or something?
Customer (exasperated): No, not embellished. Party pants!
Me: So....not black, maybe? Maybe a different color?
Customer: I said I wanted BLACK PARTY PANTS. Is this all you have? Are these your only pants in the entire store?
Me (glancing pointedly at the 6 racks, 3 stands, and 2 tables of pants DIRECTLY in front of the customer): Uh, well, no....we have several other options...but these are our black trousers....there are lots of denim and different colored options...
Customer (really annoyed now): Oh, FORGET IT. I can't believe you don't have party pants. Black pull-on (ed: ahh, so now they are "pull-on" as well as "party") party pants; what kind of a store doesn't carry those? Can't you order them for me?
Me (imagining what hell I would have to go through trying to figure out what in the world "party pants" were and trying to order only one pair of said pants): No. There's no way I could order them. The ordering season is over. (ed: why I said this, I have no idea. The "ordering season" is over? Like, wow, all the stores shut down, and hey! No more orders! Sorry, America!)
Customer: Oh. Well that's too bad. I really need a pair of party pants. I can't believe you don't have any. I bet you have customers asking for them all the time, and you don't provide them. Any good store has party pants. It's Christmas!
Me: Yeah, I'm really sorry about that. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Customer: No, but you should turn the air down in here. It's sweltering! And I know it's not just me, I can tell those girls in the fitting rooms are burning up (ed: the woman hadn't ever been near the back of the store, where the fitting rooms are located, nor had she had any kind of contact with the people trying clothing on in the fitting rooms). You aren't going to have any customers left at all if you keep it so hot. So hot, and no party pants. It's a wonder you're in business at all.
Love,
Elise
Black Friday is so called because, as the kickoff day of the busy holiday season, it was the day that retailers could anticipate going from "in the red" to "in the black" for the year.
Others (usually those IN retailing) refer to it satirically as a "black" day because of the insane crowds and high levels of stress.
Hugs,
markira =)
(who is just a FONT of trivia like this)
Posted by: markira | November 25, 2006 at 08:33 PM
Awesome!
Why do I not know this? I am such a dumbass.
Posted by: elise | November 25, 2006 at 08:34 PM
I would also like some party pants, please.
Posted by: Susan | November 25, 2006 at 09:21 PM
This is quite obviously what the customer wanted:
http://www.partypants.co.uk/
Elise, you should definitely get some for your store!
Posted by: Amy | November 25, 2006 at 10:25 PM
that link made me laugh.
elise, how goes the novel??
Posted by: kyle | November 25, 2006 at 10:29 PM
It's totally done!
Oh, it isn't? Not even really started, actually?
Let's see, I'm thinking something about a dark and mysterious man named Kyle, making his way through the perils of parties with no party pants.
Never call me out on my blog again, Kyle. I won't stand for it.
Posted by: elise | November 25, 2006 at 10:55 PM
Oh my god. Thank you. Brilliant. Your stories are hilarious. I'll cross my fingers that there be an impressive influx of ingenues wanting to shop while in town to visit their grandmothers, members of the Coalition of Really Old Ladies.
Posted by: Amanda | November 26, 2006 at 12:26 AM
I actually think you should have a weekly spo to tell us about the customers and their insanity, also, please don't stay away so long,some of us don't have lives you know!
Posted by: Helen | November 26, 2006 at 01:21 PM
sorry for calling you out elise. i wouldn't have if... well, if i had known...
as far as the party pants go, i don't know what that means. but i'm pretty sure i don't own any, nor do i want to.
Posted by: kyle | November 26, 2006 at 01:23 PM
Ummm....is this woman one of those wenches who thinks that by repeating the same thing over and over it will make more sense? Party pants! Party pants! I'm surprised you didn't have nightmares about it that night.
Posted by: wordgirl | November 26, 2006 at 06:47 PM
it's a wonder you don't drink...or don't drink more.
Posted by: Valerie | November 26, 2006 at 07:30 PM
Oh man, that mother daughter conversation made me snort out my water. Seriously? I mean, SERIOUSLY? I have no more words. SERIOUSLY.
I have so much respect for people in retail, having worked in it for a fair few years. Bloody customer always being right..
Bring on the party pants!
Posted by: alyndabear | November 27, 2006 at 04:10 AM
Party Pants? Like "Hey you wanna have a party in my pants?" LMAO Whata freak!!
Posted by: CJ | November 27, 2006 at 10:01 AM
Hot pants maybe?
Gotta love retail.
Posted by: Jennifer | November 27, 2006 at 10:28 AM
Party pants? My guess would be something in the vicinity of pleather. You can't really have a good party without pleather. And SURELY you carry pleather in your store, right??? Geez, Elise. Seems pretty obvious to me, and I'm not even in the fashion business.
Posted by: Allison | November 28, 2006 at 11:29 AM
That was hilarious. I thought of you yesterday when I drove past a billboard for that pink tab energy drink. Now I'm off to score some adderall and get to work on an eating disorder.
Posted by: Karen | November 28, 2006 at 05:50 PM
Ahh, Tab Energy. The Nectar of the Gods.
Posted by: elise | November 28, 2006 at 06:07 PM
Wow. It sounds like you were on Candid Camera. Or, that MTV show Boiling Point.
I would not have handled that woman as well as you. That's why I left retail.
Posted by: Torrie | November 29, 2006 at 10:51 AM
Ah, all the REALLY CORDIAL shoppers come out from under their rocks for holiday shopping. How lucky are we all. ; )
Posted by: kerrianne | November 29, 2006 at 09:46 PM