Ok, Then What I Want To Know Is, WHO FREAKING PUT IT THERE?

First, let me address the issue of posting pictures of my skinny jeans.  I have thought about it, long and hard, and have decided that I will do it, but only because I love you all, and for no other reason.  Because?  This can't end well for me.

Onto other things.  Please indulge me for a few moments, because what is to follow will be a shameless venting of my annoyance.  I won't get my feelings hurt if you click on over to another site (try Erin!), or kinda skim down to see if I actually come up with anything interesting towards the end (no.  No, I don't).

I have a mystery at my house tonight, folks, and it is bringing out the...errr...well, it's not boding well for a tender and loving domicile this evening.

Allow me to outline the mystery for you and you can see what you think.  Because try as I might (and I probably won't be trying too hard tonight) I am guessing that what I think will come through loud and clear.  I would say ignore me, but I am totally right, so?  Don't ignore!  Agree!  Promote rationale!

5:45 - Elise leaves day job and drives home to embark on an evening of night job

6:15 - E frantically shoves cold pizza into the microwave as she is famished and must eat quickly

6:16 - E notices an unfamiliar red plastic cup languishing idly on the counter.  E investigates said cup

6:16:30 - E lifts contents of cup (orange, slightly curdled) to her nose and sniffs.  Takes one for the team

6:16:31 - E is accosted by a smell that is strangely reminiscent to old orange juice and butter, all swirled together and then steeped in the sun for a fortnight or so

6:17 - E asks Cody what in the hell is the orange juice/butter mixture he has apparently been....drinking?  Ugh, I hope not

6:18 - C examines cup and announces that not only has he not been drinking any such concoction, but also that he has no idea what it is or from whence it came

6:20 - E and C stare, puzzled, at the cup.  E wonders if C, who is somewhat notorious for being absentminded, has actually forgotten his involvement with the mystery substance

6:21 - E voices this hypothesis

6:22 - C is annoyed.  C defends his innocence.  C rolls eyes at inference

6:23 - E decides to IGNORE historical evidence and believe that C does not, as he states, have anything to do with the cup

6:24 - E proposes that since E has no material knowledge of the cup, and since C has no material knowledge of the cup, that perhaps someone ELSE has placed the cup, with it's strange orange liquid, on the kitchen counter

6:25 - C finds this suggestion to be preposterous.  C suggests that E is "out of her mind" and "being completely paranoid"

6:26 - E is understandably taken aback.  E finds that in the same way that 2 + 2 = 4, it follows that (if) E did not have cup + (and) C did not have cup = (then) SOMEONE ELSE had the mother-effing cup

6:28 - E removes pizza from microwave, and does not mention the cup again.  E and C proceed to the library, where E researches story leads and C watches football and folds laundry

                                                *****

11:15 - Football game has ended.  E has lost Fantasy Football in a very close match, and in a heretofore unimaginable way.  E is, again, understandably taken aback.  E decides to broach the subject of the mystery cup again.  Perhaps E is looking for an argument.  WHO COULD BLAME HER, REALLY?  SHE HAS BEEN WORKING NOW FOR ABOUT 12 HOURS AND JUST LOST A GAME BECAUSE OF TOM THE MANSLUT BRADY

11:16 - C seems to find it extremely disagreeable to reopen the discussion of the mystery cup.  When asked what he would think if it could be proven, irrefutably, that the cup was placed on the kitchen counter by a STRANGER, he states that he "would not care"

11:17 - E finds this answer to be unsatisfactory, as she feels that the presence of unauthorized strangers in her house is less than desirable

11:18 - C proposes that E is "just in a bad mood" and instructs her to "not say one more word about the &%*@ing cup"

11:19 - E wonders if this tactic has ever worked on anyone, ever

11:20 - 11:30 - E and C heatedly discuss the various nuances and inferences of finding an unidentifiable cup full of an unpleasant mystery substance on the kitchen counter, and whether or not it matters if random strangers are coming in and out of our house at will.  And, apparently, cooking?  Or mixing drinks?  C continues to blame E's reaction on her alleged bad mood.  E becomes increasingly annoyed at the invalidation she is receiving from C, and continues to refer back to the inherent logic of the situation.  If A and B are true, then so is C.  It's LOGIC.  Isn't the whole thing about logic that you can't successfully argue against it?

11:31 - C vows in no uncertain terms that he does NOT believe that any stranger has entered the house, but if they have, he does not care and will not take any measures to prevent said stranger from entering the house in the future

11:32 - E has a range of thought processes, ranging from hoping to be abducted by the orange juice-toting stranger to hoping for C to come home and find nothing but a note pinned to the middle of his empty floor saying "Ha!  I was here, and I did bring that weird drink!  In the red cup!  Sucker."

11:33 - E decides that since neither of those results are terribly likely, she will just blog about the ordeal, and beg for the sympathies, if not, the commiseration of the Internet

See?  I told you I wasn't going to say anything interesting.  And if you don't see anything new on this site in the next few days?  Well, I probably am sitting at the bottom of a well, listening to my abductor gloat about his stealth and prowess in all things psychotic, and stewing in some weird orange-butter mixture.

Maybe Cody would believe me THEN.

Comments

[CJ]

Your too freaken funny! You should make some posters and post them all over the house requesting information on the orange juice toting bandit! LOL Even put up a reward of some sexual favor in return of information leading to the where abouts of said red cup holder! See if that doesnt get Cody off his ass looking for more information! LOL

[heather]

no, but seriously.

where did the cup come from!?

[elise]

I STILL DON'T KNOW.

I am becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the entire situation.

I don't even know how to investigate - do I go around asking my neighbors? I guess tonight might be a good time to do that; instead of "trick-or-treat!" I will scream "DID YOU LEAVE THAT RED CUP ON MY COUNTER, YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH THE WEIRD ORANGE STUFF, WELL DID YOU??!" when they open the door.

[heather]

could it have been any one of your parents? there's four possible suspects right there. and... still cody.

[CJ]

Maybe just leave it on the stoop so that if said bandit comes around that they will see it and go "Oh yah thats where I left it" and you can nab him. I would be a bit freaked out too!

[Anonymous]

Um, I, Anonymous, feel very sheepish. See, I was at your home early on Saturday morning, toting a plastic cup filled with a small amount of orange juice. The person who transported me to your home on Saturday gave me the plastic cup and orange juice. When I arrived at your home, I carried the cup inside and set it on the counter, sipping from it periodically. I don't, however, have much of a thirst -- ever -- so I didn't finish the drink. I know that in my heart I meant to empty the plastic cup and throw it away, and I do ask for your forgiveness and hope that I am not banned from your (very beautiful) home. I also regret any anguish I have caused.

[elise]

Aha!

Amy?

[Anonymous]

I would prefer to not publicly disclose my identity.

[elise]

That's ok, Anon. The really important thing is that you've fessed up. Now we all know that not only was I RIGHT about someone who was NOT me or Cody placing the juice on the counter (as if there was any doubt), but also that I am not in any danger of being abducted. Or, you know. Marinated.

What the heck kind of orange juice was that, anyway? It looked (and smelled) like butter.

[LC]

That's great! My husband would have been easily convinced it was a ghost or something. As he sits watching Ghost Hunters Live Show. What am I married to?

[Cody]

Hmmm, so it would have been a complete waste of time to "get off my ass" and look for clues. It is strange because I completely knew the whole time that it had a perfectly logical explanation. See, that's how not being NUTS saves a person time and energy. However, I am most upset by Elise who claims that it "WAS NOT THERE" that morning because she "ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT'S ON THE COUNTER" all the time. Ummm, it was there from saturday morning on.......Nutzo.
SOOOOOOO Vindicated.

[elise]

yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Helen]

I do hate missing stuff like this, am always the last to know stuff, was having huge party for many many children and missed just one day of coming here...damn.