In The Zone

When I used to wait tables at Applebee's! Your Friendly Neighborhood Grill! I noticed a strange phenomenon that would occur from time to time.

On completely random nights (meaning that this didn't happen every night) I would stumble unwittingly onto one of two paths.  The first path was a very welcome oasis, a veritable stroll along the flower-lined road to Good Tips.  The other path, however was not so great.  In fact, the nights I found myself on the second path were comparable to finding myself in Frost's "The Road Not Taken", but instead of choosing one of the two main roads, I accidentally tripped and fell down a small hill and ended up limping gimpily along in the woods, trying to regain my sense of direction but failing miserably.

That is my extremely romanticized way to say that some nights I couldn't do anything wrong at work, and other nights, I couldn't buy a break.

Some evenings, I would have ten tables, and everyone would be asking for something strange and not on the menu, or extra straws for little Polly so she can make a straw-sculpture, and then could I please bring extra ranch dressing, too, but instead of just regular ranch, could I mix it with Worcestershire sauce? and I would be like, Dude, no need to even ask, I thought you might want something like that, and I have it all with me right here, right now!  And then I would pass around the extra straws and the drinks with no ice and the ranch/Worcestershire mixture and my table would proclaim that I was the Very Best Waitress they ever had, and you know what?  I bet I was.

Other nights, I would have three tables, and they would all order totally boring, normal menu items, and not need any special treatment, and I would screw EVERYTHING up, the entire evening.  It was like watching a train wreck, only worse, because I was the wreck, and I was the only one who could prevent it and try as I might, the casualties just kept coming.  I would forget the drinks.  Then, after being reminded three times, I would remember the drinks, but not the right ones.  Then their food would be too cold/hot/burned/raw (not actually my fault) but instead of just taking it back and getting it fixed, I would take it back and forget what was wrong with it.  Ummm, I think it was...not spicy enough?  Yeah, that was it, just add some peppers or something.  And then my customer would go into an epileptic seizure because her throat closed up because she had just specifically told me NO SPICY FOOD.  And the thing that bothered me the most about these nights was not the fact that I would be guaranteed virtually no tip whatsoever.  No, that was deserved, I felt.  The thing that really got to me was the fact that I was cognizant of all my screwups, and yet I just couldn't stop them from happening.  It was like I would get in a Zone, but instead of kicking major ass, I was kicking my own.  The harder I would try to stop the bleeding, the worse things got.  "Ok, remember, THREE WATERS.  Three waters, three waters, three waters," I would tell myself, walking to the kitchen.  "Three waters!  THREE waters," and then I would pick up a pitcher of tea, pour it into two glasses with ice and lemon, and make my way back to the table, still muttering about THREE WATERS! DON'T FORGET!

This still happens to me, occasionally.  Of course now it doesn't involve waiting tables, so I suppose I can rule out the hypothesis that the Zone might have been food-service related.  The main symptom remains, however, that my day gets progressively screwed, by me, and I seem to be powerless to prevent it.  It is almost like somehow I have this ability to regress deep into my subconscious, instruct myself to NOT listen to myself, and then float back up to the surface of consciousness and continue on with life as usual. 

So on those days, when I find myself murmuring "Get the keys.  The keys to the car.  CAR keys!" and end up jamming a sharpie marker into the ignition, I try to smile and shake it off.  At least, I figure, I'm getting a head start on senility.  I've always hoped that I would one day be that crazy old woman chasing butterflies around in her nightgown, happy but completely and totally insane.  At this rate, I think I'm in good shape.

Comments

[CJ]

Ahh what a day!! I'm having one of those myself this very morning. When I got up this morning I heard the damn train pull out of the station without any brakes! Cant wait to see what the day holds for me!!

[elise]

Why does it happen, CJ? Can you explain it??

[M&Co.]

I get like that, except I always blame it on hormones. "It's cause I'm getting ready to start my period." "My hormones are all freaked out because my period is just over." "I'm all out of wack because I've had two periods in the last four weeks." When the kids were small, and getting up in the middle of the night, I always blamed it on lack of sleep. Come to think of it, that may still be it. But I think I don't sleep because my hormones are all out of wack. See. I can blame anything on my hormones.

[kyle]

elise - unfortunately, i live my life in this dumbed down state almost perpetually. the times i am in the "zone" are few and far between. and when i'm there i'm usually so excited that i am that i screw it all up and jinx it.

[elise]

Impressive, M&Co! I will have to try that line of reasoning myself. It seems flawless :)

[elise]

Oh, and Kyle - LOL