I Guess My Real Point Here Is That We Could All Learn A Lot From Steve

After hearing me recount a story about a crazy female, or witnessing one in action firsthand himself, my husband tends to shake his head and say something to the effect of "women are such bitches to each other!"

And I am afraid that I would have to agree.

I am inspired to write this today after reading Wordgirl's post.  She writes about a great friend she has had for 31 years, one who has been by her side throughout the perils of adolescence and the even greater perils of child-rearing, one who's greatest goal is to make her laugh, and who delights in seeing her happy. 

Of course, this friend is a man.

Even if her post wouldn't have allayed all doubts of the gender of said friend by staunchly proclaiming "Thanks, Steve" to be its title, I think I still would have doubted that this friend could have been a woman.  No, the actions of this friend were decidedly too loyal, too selfless, and too kind over too long a period of time to have been from a woman.

Lest you think I have no women friends, let me assure you that I do.  In fact, I recently realized (while trying for the millionth time to figure out the address book in my newish cell phone) that I, for the first time in my life, have more female friends than male.  By quite a number.  Hello, girlfriends!  And I love them all, I really do.  I am not even worried that they might take this post personally, because I think I have spoken with every single one of them at length about this issue and we all agree. Therefore, my prejudice for women does not stem soley from my own ability (or lack thereof) to befriend my own gender.

Not that I haven't had some bad experiences.  I believe that my bad experiences have brought me even closer to some of my really, really great female friends, actually.  Because they have had the same types of experiences!  And you know what they say, misery loves company.  We've bonded through our mutual being-screwed-over-by-women experiences.

I don't think it's really all that relevant for me to get into the specifics of my bad experiences.  I mean, what would be the point of me telling you how one of my two best friends in college manipulated our happy group of girlfriends into total strangers?  It's all in the past, really, how she conspired behind my back to secure a dorm room in the dorm across campus, and conveniently didn't tell me that she had listed my other best friend as her new roommate.  Old news, how she convinced my other best friend to call me and tell me that she thought we should room with people we didn't know, because maybe we should branch out?  I mean, I can barely even remember how they moved all my roommate's stuff out of the dorm before I got back from Christmas break, making certain that when I got back, it would be to an empty room.  And then, after I got my new roommate (potluck, just like the plan!) I found out that hey, she isn't living with other people to branch out, all my "friends" are all just living together, without me - well, that doesn't matter anymore, does it?  DOES IT MATTER, HANNAH LUCE, THAT YOU TOTALLY MANIPULATED SEVERAL COLLEGE FRIENDSHIPS INTO DISASTER?   

Oh, oops.  No, it doesn't matter, it's all in the past!  Yippeee!  Time heals all wounds!  Insert your favorite full-of-crap cliche here!

Anyway, I seem to have digressed.  My point is, actually, to question the reason behind the seemingly quasi-impossible feat of having a lengthy, selfless, and genuine female friendship.   Are they even real?  Do they exist?  Or are they like the quarters you dropped between the driver's seat and the console in your car- you know they're there, but you sure as hell can't find them.

I suppose I already know the answer to this.  I have watched my mother, and several other women her age, maintain friendships for my entire lifetime, which at this point is long enough to consider the friendship one of longevity.  But I don't know how they do it.  I hear so many other stories, awful tales of rejection, dishonesty, betrayal, and hurt.  Woman hurts woman.  Why?

So many girls grow up thinking that hey, I think I make friends more easily with guys rather than girls!  Wow!  I must be different!  And then we all get older and realize no, not so different, most of us are that way.  It is easier to be friends with men.  They just don't care about all that much.  Sometimes it's annoying, really, how little they care about.  But when it comes down to friendship, which in itself is a fairly simple thing - I am your friend, I like you, and I am not going to purposefully hurt you - the males seem to have it down.

As I've gotten older (which was supposed to be the time when it got so much easier - ha!) I have been able to make and maintain some really excellent friendships with some really amazing women.  Some of them I have met mainly through this website, and I count it a blessing every time I come into contact with another intelligent, funny, and lovely lady.  But we all seem to have this same thing in common.

Does anyone know why women have the tendency to be so catty with one another?  Why we find it so hard to rejoice in each others successes, and so difficult not to just kick 'em while they're down?  Has anyone had an experience that has shed light on the problem, or more importantly, on some kind of a solution?  Because I'd like to know.

Comments

[Amy H.]

I heard something the other day that attributed women's cruelty to survival instincts. Something about how it benefits a woman to marry/reproduce with a strong, handsome man, and that for a woman to attain the strongest, handsomest man she must be better than all the other female competition. So it's like survival of the meanest.
Just thought that was an interesting theory. Either way, I agree that women are cutthroat.

[CJ]

I have tried sooo many times in my life to become friends with women, and not ones that I work with but ones from my childrens daycare as well. Read my blog you'll see! LOL and everytime I get shot down over and over again. I gravitate more towards men than ido women in most occurances. I find them to be more witty and so much less critical. I'm a nice person, I swear I am! It sucks because who else am I suppose to talk to about my insecurities? and let me tell you after all that rejection I have a FEW!!!

[Nathan]

I totally agree. Even though I am a guy, I find it hard to find good girlfriends who will cook and clean and cater to my every need, which is what they are all struggling against each other for anyways, to lock down the alpha male, which is me. Could you girls get it together.

[Lizzie (Mom Unscripted)]

I have always been better with guys. I would much rather hang out with a bunch of the husbands Army friends then a bunch of Mom's at a playgroup. I do have 4 very close friends. One I've known since we were 3, another since we were 10 and the last 2 are related by marriage. I'm going to do a post on this actually, its in the "draft" pile! Just to let them know that I love them even if they are girls.

[beck]

I think it's rarer for men to hold grudges. Girls don't let things go. Like, if you were on a basketball team and had had an earlier fight/disagreement/etc. with a girlfriend also on the team earlier that day you can bet that girl will not be passing you the ball no matter how open you are. If it was a guy, the past is the past and the present is winning the game so you get the ball. I like guys. =)