We moved into our house in April. Actually, I think it may have been April Fools Day that we shot for after missing Thanksgiving '05, Christmas '05, Somewhere Around New Year's '06, Valentines '06, and some other randomly selected Moving Weekends That Have No Corresponding Holiday.
But April Fools Day, that was the winner!
And that particular move-in date has turned out to be very appropriate for our move-in status. As in, hey neighbors, we've moved in! Oh wait - APRIL FOOLS!
You see, although we LIVE here, and we have all the normal indoor luxuries such as a working air conditioner, running water, connected gas line, etc, the outdoors is quite another story.
I would explain, but I think one of our neighbors has done a much better job. Or, I should say, ALL of our neighbors have done the job, because the ANONYMOUSLY signed letter is from "Your Neighbors", not "One Neighbor Specifically", which would denote a singular neighBOR. No, this one is the plural anonymous, the neighBORS. So I would absolutely hate to erroneously give credit to only ONE cowardly, gutless and spineless neighBOR.
Without further adieu, let me present The Letter (italicized comments are all mine):
From your neighbors:
There are several other lots in the neighborhood where there are houses being built. We realize that you are doing it all yourself and for that, we applaud you (applauding me? Thank you! What a nice welcome-to-the-neighborhood letter this must be! Look, honey, our neighbors all wrote us a letter, and they are applauding us! How nice!). However (uh-oh), we would appreciate your picking up your lot and making it more presentable for the neighborhood (Wait, this doesn't seem as nice all of a sudden. Sweetheart? I think this might be a mean letter). The outside of your house affects the property value of your neighbors (Property value? We've already jumped to property value? Well, let's get into it then! We would VALUE a donation of about $4000 for sodding our PROPERTY, for starters). Trim the weeds or pull them (Oh, is THAT what you do with those? We thought we were just lucky to be getting all this greenery without even trying!). We all work as well (how impressive, this is an excellent point) and yet, we take the time to take care of the outside of our homes (I wonder if I could introduce you to a little issue called "It's Not Time, It's Money"). While we don't wish to cause any conflicts (oh, so THAT'S the reason you didn't talk to us about this OR sign your note. We thought it was because you are a total pussy-footed ass), it is important that you finish the outside of your new home so that it would be more appealing to the eye (if you wouldn't walk down the street just to stand in front of our house, point, and talk, you might find it easier on your eyes) and fit in with your neighbors (there it is, the ultimate goal. Blending in nicely).
Thank you
Let me just state that we did not receive this letter anytime recently. No, we received this letter back in mid-May, only a few weeks after we finally moved in. Meaning, that our neighBORS gave us nearly a month and a half to get our lot nicely landscaped in such a way that it would not stand out from the crowd and therefore offend their discerning eyes in any way.
Not having the appropriate fundage to immediately embark on this landscaping journey, we found ourselves at a loss. What could we do? We clearly weren't "fitting in", and since that has always been the primary goal of our marriage, to fit in in this particular neighborhood, we really felt like big fat failures.
Luckily, pretty soon after receiving this helpful letter, we watched "Fun With Dick and Jane", and got this awesome idea.
And that fixed everything!
So, I feel that the real meat of the issue, the thing you will want to take away from all of this is: Nothing is more important than fitting in with everyone, and making sure that you never rock the boat. Especially when it comes down to possibly offending your neighbors because of your less than pristine lawn. Even if blending in means you have to steal or lie, you still need to do it. Or cheat! Cheating is good to, if it ultimately produces fitting-in status. At least that's what we've learned since our April move in date.
Now if that's not a heartwarming story, then I don't know what is.
My goodness. I'm new to the US. Is this kind of anal retentiveness common when it comes to ALL neighbourhoods?? We're buying a hse so I need to know coz Im NOT the gardening type AT ALL.
Posted by: Jenn | August 28, 2006 at 07:42 PM
Ohmy. That's the sort of thing that makes me have a complete freakout, followed by some tears, followed by the little evil glint-in-my-eye appearing. And soon I'm wandering around half-naked (which isn't a pretty sight) and putting in pink flamingos instead of grass.. And now I need to go and rent "Dick and Jane", apparently.
Posted by: Violet | August 28, 2006 at 07:43 PM
Jenn, I don't think it's all that common. I (to paraphrase SJ) think it happens mainly when you are trying to move into WPL, or White People Land. That is, the land of the rich or on-their-way-to-being-rich Country Clubbing types. I just happen to live in that sort of town right now.
But that doesn't mean that you will, and I have lived in a bunch of other places that are not like this in the least.
Posted by: elise | August 28, 2006 at 08:31 PM
I have the perfect solution to your money problems.
Step One: Create something awesome.
Step two: Wait for the money to come rolling in.
Either that or you can sell Advocare.
Posted by: Jeff T | August 29, 2006 at 12:06 AM
We moved into our house in mid-April of this year while I was 7 months pregnant, sick with the worst case of the flu that I have had in years and during a torrential downpour that started 2 days before we started moving and didn't end for another week and a half after we moved in. Our charming neighbors next door waited all of about 3 weeks after we moved in to inquire (and not so nicely either) when exactly we were planning on mowing our lawn. It took all of my willpower not to hide all of the roadkill on our road (apparently the squirrels & possums don't fare so well on our street)in & around her front porch. Instead, we're just really passive-aggressive about how long we let our grass get before we mow.
Posted by: Trena | August 29, 2006 at 01:16 AM
Oh honey!
When I was in my 20s and my hubby and I lived in a godforsaken association (re: the Fourth Reich), we had an old bat of an alcholic neighbor who used to yell over the back fence at us all the time. She screamed at my husband for starting his truck up to go to work in the morning (a little 4 cyl Toyota). She used to scream at her husband when she was drunk but she was constantly turning us in for petty stuff. So, one day, while she was passed out, we got all the dog poop from our four dogs and used the skeet thrower to lob all of it onto her roof, where it would roll down all sides of her house. Except those goopy ones that stuck in her pine needles.
I am almost 40 now and I know my rights. I don't give a fiddler's fart when other people (without my finances) think. If a cookie cutter lawn is so important to them, then they can pay for it, put it in and maintain it. That freedom is the difference between renting and owning.
Posted by: Mom of Three | August 29, 2006 at 01:57 AM
Well, gee. Since landscaping stuff IS really expensive and it isn't a good policy to steal sod because you can't run while you carry it -- I have a suggestion. Maybe you could invest in a Flamingo for the front yard just to show that your heart is in the right place. BTW, I think probably your 'Your Neighbors' is one neighbor who is an A**hole.
Posted by: Gillian | August 29, 2006 at 03:05 AM
Hee hee. You guys have some pretty good ideas. I've always enjoyed a good passive-aggressive poop-lobbing type story :)
But seriously, this was our idea to address our neighBORS: We wanted to get a big wheelbarrow's worth of dirt (the red clay kind that is so useless - unless you're into pottery!) and, in the middle of the night, covertly dump it smack in the middle of the oh-so-well maintained lawn of the neighBOR we think actually wrote the note.
Then we started having too much fun with thinking of all the people we know who deserve a midnight covert wheelbarrow mission to their lawn. It's like the perfect crime - no traceable evidence, nothing too damaging, just really, really annoying. Just like they are!
Posted by: elise | August 29, 2006 at 09:17 AM
first time reader but if you need any help you just let me know.. We live in an upscale moble park (how lame am I trying to make my shity park sound all awsome) anyway they send around letters at least once a month saying what needs to be done. -- yeah they stopped sending us the letters I finnally called and said hey how about you only charge us 250 a month rather the 480 and we will gladly spend that money fixing up the outside...
Posted by: kylei | August 29, 2006 at 09:58 AM
If you do not have a home owners association and your city has no specific ordinances governing the painting of house you are free to paint your house electric pepto pink with neon green trim or some other stunning combination. Who can complain about a freshly painted house? MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
Posted by: fidget | August 29, 2006 at 10:57 AM
I'm a first time reader, and can't believe what I've read! How ignorant of your neighbours.
If I were you, I wouldn't touch the garden for a few months. Teach them a lesson!
Posted by: Narelle | August 29, 2006 at 07:01 PM
LOL Ok do you live in my neighbor HOOD? lol I think the same neighbors wrote a nasty letter to me as well! 2 years ago on the 4th of july we bought a bunch of fireworks and after our neighborhood show at the park we went home to fire those beaties up, yes it was after 10 and we did it anyway, however every neighbor, every one on our street was either out in our yard or in theirs in tthe freaken lawn chairs watching us and clapping with this one or that one. The next morning we had every bottle rocket or whatever those lovely loud things were, thrown on our lawn, literally thrown, all over, I mean some were at the front door some on the car, all over!now granted yes we made a mess and we were sorry but damn you enjoyed it as much as we did! We were sorry we couldnt go into everyones yard and clean them all up at 11. Then came the lovely letter about them not appreciating the fact that we were doing that after ten and that it disturbed ALLLLLLL of my neighbors and NOONE appreciated it! LAIR LAIR pants on fire! Oh really so you werent the one in your lawn chair clapping like a woamn watching a male stripper? butt heads!!!! Just hought I'd share, the world is full of them, party poopers! Good luck with your!
Posted by: CJ | August 30, 2006 at 12:47 PM