As you know, I own a clothing boutique here in Tyler. When I am there, working, I am normally out in the front of the store, helping customers, and selling clothes. Shocking! Is that really what goes on there? I know, I am SO crazy.
Anyway. I have been encountering this particular problem I am about to address less and less of late, but it used to be a real doozie, sometimes coming up two or even three times in a day. The problem I am speaking of is Dealing With The Old.
The reason I encounter this problem less now is because over the last 14 months we have steadily weeded out the 70+ demographic and added in the 15-25 demographic. This gets a lot of the Old out. However, a certain sect of them still come around, buzzing like little gnats around my head and murmuring things about elasticized waistbands and boxy jacket/skirt sets. And at Christmas time last year, we really hadn't weeded many of them out at all.
Enter last year's Christmas ad. The ad pictured a woman in her 20's, modeling a line of jeans we carry in the store, and wearing a white, long-sleeved, button-down top tied at her midriff. She was posing in a sassy stance, and had on some pretty jewelry and a very hot little pair of stiletto heels. The caption read something like: "See where she shops" and then had the name and address of our store. It really wasn't all that jazzy, but was a really big, color ad, running lengthwise down one entire side of the paper for optimal viewing.
Well, if I ever had doubts about whether or not people saw my advertising, this Christmas ad assuaged them all. I got SO MUCH feedback on that ad, most of it good, and we recorded tons of sales that month, but the most memorable thing about that silly jeans ad was and will always be the Letters.
First of all, let me note that the model in the ad was not some girl I know, or knew. She was simply the model the national jeans company, I think it might have been Paper Denim & Cloth, had chosen for that particular campaign. I just used her for my ad because I carry their line. Anyway, that may not seem important now, but bear with me.
The first letter I got had no return address at all. And it really wasn't a letter, per se, so much as it was the ad cut out of the paper, folded up several times, and scribbled on in a nearly unintelligible handwriting. The gist of the letter, I suppose, was for the lady to express her dismay at the content of my ad, but she did it in a very stream-of-consciousness way. She started off with simple little barbs, things like "'She' is a hoar" and "How does 'she' expect to ever find a decent husband dressing the way she does". Then, with no real segue, she got all philosophical, articulating the many ways that I was singlehandedly bringing the youth of Tyler straight down to the fiery pits of hell. Christians don't do things like this, she explained. IF you were a Christian (and believe me, this was a very big IF for her, apparently) then you would KNOW what we do and do not think is appropriate. But you obviously don't know, because you are NOT one of US. What would your mother think? More importantly, what would that model's mother think? Has anyone talked to the model about how SHE felt about the ad? More than likely she wasn't even a willing participant.
I think the lady probably had more to say, but the ad wasn't THAT big. I mean seriously, it costs a pretty penny to put a full column color ad in the paper, much less one that has the wherewithal to change people's spiritual destiny.
Another letter we received in response to the ad was written in a similar chicken-scratch handwriting, but with a decidedly different angle of attack. This woman also cut out the ad, but instead of writing her thoughts along the sides, she decided to go with the famous Circle Barrage. She would circle a body part of the model in thick black ink, and then, in case we didn't get the picture, she would write the name of the corresponding body part next to the circle followed by multiple exclamation marks. CIRCLE! This is her BELLY BUTTON!!!!!!! CIRCLE! Her CLEAVAGE!!!!!!!! CIRCLE! Her (gasp) CROTCH!!!!!!! I mean, the model was wearing a long sleeved shirt and jeans. Yes, that's right, lady, that is where YOUR crotch is, too. Right there under the zipper. Thanks for the anatomy lesson.
Oh, and her letter did have a handwritten return address. It read:
Decency Council of Tyler
Tyler, TX 75701
But it was postmarked from some completely other zip code. Interesting.
However, our very best letter from that ad was the one from Spider. Yes, Spider took the time to not only write, but type, on a real old timey typewriter, a letter to tell us that even though he is in prison right now, he would REALLY like the chance to meet the girl in that ad. He figures that he will probably not be up for parole for about 8 more years, but that he has lots and lots of time to write, and if she would just consider writing him back, he thinks he could be a really great pen pal. He went on to explain that it is very lonely there in prison, and unlike most of the other inmates there, he isn't trying to deny that he is guilty, nor is he trying to get out of his sentence. No, he fully admits that his assault with a deadly weapon charge was fair and well-deserved. All he is asking for is the chance to write letters back and forth with that well-dressed girl from the ad.
Oh Spider. I couldn't bear to break it to him that I don't know that girl's address, or even if she actually exists. For all I know, she was merely airbrushed into magazine ad existence and then deleted right back off that computer screen and out of his life forever.
And God only knows that I couldn't write the man back myself. He specifically asked for the GIRL IN THE AD. And as lady #1 explained very clearly, Christians don't do things like this. And I, despite lady #1's certainty on the issue, am, in fact, a Christian. So it follows from simple reasoning that a letter to Spider would be out of the question.
But if I ever do meet that girl, the one from the ad, well, I will give her Spider's address. In fact, if you are reading this, and you were a model who posed for Paper Denim & Cloth's fall 2005 denim line, shoot me an email, will ya? I have got some things we need to talk about, number one being the state of your eternal soul.
holy frejoles. is it truly possible that people are THAT dumb?
and i thought we just had lo-lo heads in California.
keep fighting the good fight, sistah. :o)
Posted by: Valerie | August 29, 2006 at 09:18 PM
the overly religious elderly are, I think, manufatured here in East Texas and then sent out to populate the rest of the country.
Posted by: elise | August 29, 2006 at 09:32 PM
Aww, man. I was supposed to write a blog about this a long time ago, wasn't I? You did it MUCH more justice than I would have, though. I'm glad I left it to the masta.
Posted by: Allison | September 07, 2006 at 09:52 AM