Because I Am Whoever I Say I Am

Ever since I was a little girl, I have had this strange propensity to see a character in a movie and immediately place myself in that character's shoes.  For example, after seeing The Bourne Identity for the first time, I turned my nose up at everything American for weeks, fancying myself to be a hip, language savvy world-traveler who just happened to be stuck in Texas for the time being. 

If I see a movie that is primarily angst-ridden in theme, then I walk out of the theater feeling as if things just aren't what they could be in my life.  I want to discover out of the way coffee shops and linger over chai tea lattes while I romantically remember love lost long ago.  Of course I am always dressed for the part and look appropriately depressed but in a gorgeous, French, pouting sort of way.  How is it that French women always manage to look simultaneously beautiful and annoyed?

Conversely, if I watch a dramatic action flick like The Lord of the Rings,  I leave feeling empowered; like I am part of something that no one else understands.  I walk through the isles of the grocery store, pitying the other hapless shoppers who have no idea of the battle that is waiting to be fought just outside their sheltered little worlds.  I sigh as I wait for the lady in front of me to choose a tomato, thinking that if she only realized the magnitude of all that was going on around her, she wouldn't even be able to think about what to make for dinner.  Or at least she would expedite her tomato picking, geez, lady, it's not like you're defending your dissertation; it's produce.

I don't know what it is that makes me do this.  I don't feel a deep-seeded dissatisfaction with the life I currently lead, so I don't necessarily think that I am subconsciously trying to insert myself into someone else's existence, anywhere but here.  Despite my lack of understanding about this little idiosyncrasy of mine, I continue to mentally morph myself into others with striking regularity.

My personality dissonance has been recently aggravated from watching "Project Runway" on Bravo.  I freaking love this show, and have watched it obsessively every season.  In fact, here's a little tidbit about last season's winner:  I shopped at Chloe's boutique in Houston a couple of years ago (before she was on the show) and found a dress that I thought was just divine.  My husband, however, did not have the same bubbly feelings of excitement about the dress, and put the major kibosh on the whole buying experience.  I was annoyed about it then, but poor Cody had no idea of the smirky glares of I-told-you-so intensity he would be faced with when the season ended with Chloe as the winner.  Do you know how much that dress would cost now?  I would ask.  It cost too much the first time, he would respond, with an infuriating lack of knowledge on the subject.

But I digress.  It is not Chloe who has me wishing that I were someone else.  No, that distinction belongs to none other than Laura Bennett.  That lady kicks so much ass it isn't even funny (is it ever funny?  what is with that saying?).  I'll admit, when they were doing the little get-to-know-the-participants show at the beginning of the season, I really kind of hated her.  She lives in a stunning (and I'm sure multi-million dollar) high-rise apartment in Manhattan with her husband and 5 kids.  She is a well-respected architect, she is thin with great bone structure, she (of course) dresses very well in a kind of quirky/classic style, and she arrived on the show towing at least 6 pieces of vintage Louis Vuitton trunk luggage.  Do you know how much that luggage costs? I asked my husband when I saw her dragging it through the revolving doors to the Project Runway lofts.  It cost too much the first time, he murmured, as he paged through a Fantasy Football magazine.

So yes, I hated her.  On the second (or maybe it was the third) challenge she showed up wearing an English riding outfit, complete with jacket, boots, and pants.  And despite what you might think, they were not pencil pants from Neiman's inspired by an English riding outfit.  Nope, she just went ahead with the real deal.  Who does that?    But after about two episodes and four flawlessly designed outfits, she not only maintained her cool in even the most drama-inducing circumstances, but proved to have a sarcastic, dry wit to boot.  I began to secretly love Laura Bennett.

Now when I watch the show all I can think about is how I, too, prefer clean, simple, architecturally inspired lines.  Also, I could totally handle 5 kids, a spot on possibly the most famous novice-designer television show ever, a successful career as an architect, and a pregnancy (yes, she found out she is preggo with her 6th while on the show).  All at the same time!  With grace and aplomb!  I don't get stressed, I am cool, calm and collected, always.  In fact, I think "stress" is just a euphemism for "not being able to handle your shit".  And believe me, I can handle it.

Never mind the fact that I really always gravitate towards flouncy, boho-inspired prints.  Or that I can hardly handle owning my small specialty clothing boutique, much less designing for my customers.  OR that I can't even imagine what I would be like as a mother, except that it would probably involve a lot of hiding in a corner and crying, and that, on any given day, my shit is NOT handled.  Never mind all that!

Because for now, I am Laura Bennett.  Hear me roar.

Comments

[Chrif]

"Isles" in the grocery store? You're better than that.

[Amy]

I understand completely. You know, we're watching a lot of "24" these days, so I applied for a job at CTU last week. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

[elise]

What's wrong with grocery isles? You don't have those in California? How dull. I suppose next you're going to tell me that all you have is long rows with shelves of food on either side.
I prefer a shopping experience with sand and sun, myself.

[elise]

Oh, while we're on the subject, you know what you're better than? You're better than drafting a KICKER in the FIFTH ROUND.

Holy crap, dude. Please tell me you're better than that.