So, have you ever wondered why some people, when they whisper, end up sounding SO much louder than if they would have actually just spoken in a normal voice? Maybe you haven't wondered so much about why that is, but more about why they might continue to whisper so very loudly and yellishly. Nothing offends the ear more than the harshly forced sound of a loud whisper. Plus, it's gross. So, there's that.
Now, onto the weekend. Last weekend. Cody and I wanted to pressure wash the side of his parents’ boathouse, because of the huge and fabulous 4th of July shindig that we will be hosting at the lake this weekend. Anyhow, the side of the boathouse was pretty nasty. Imagine the accumulation of about 18 years worth of bugs, spider webs, dead bugs, and general grime. That's what it looked like. So, we thought we'd just wash it off. No biggie.
Except that it was.
2:00pm We retrieve the pressure washer from my parents’ garage, and as soon as we start loading it into the car, realize that the wand that attaches to the gun is broken. Snapped or something. Not usable, anyway.
2:15pm On to Home Depot, where we figure it will cost about 20 bucks to replace the wand. Or the gun. Either one. After looking around for quite some time, we find the "right" stuff. And buy it. 50 bucks.
3:00pm Finally make it out to the lake. We reconstruct the pressure washer, with its brand new wand and gun. Get a hose. Turn it on. No pressure. Well, there's some, but no more than if we were just using a water hose. So we twist the connector attachment back and forth. Suddenly, we get a burst of pressure, but only just enough to catapult the new connector into a puddle of mud. Then, sensing a job well done, the pressure subsides once again to hose-like status.
3:25pm We find a way to fit the old wand onto the new gun. Very impressive, I felt. The pressure was just amazing. Overwhelming, really. So, satisfied that everything is in working order, we drag the whole pressure washer down to the dock and Cody sets off to find two water hoses long enough to get water all the way out there.
3:40pm Down at the end of the dock, we connect the super-long water hoses to the pressure washer. Cody runs back up the dock to turn on the water pump. The hose promptly swells to scary proportions, and bursts.
3:55pm New hose. We've once again connected it, AND tested the ends for strength. We feel good about it all. Water is turned back on. It works! Well, kind of....the water doesn't quite reach the boathouse at the velocity we need to cut into the grime. But, there's a solution at hand. Cody is going to get into the canoe, paddle around to the side of the dock nearest the boathouse, and pressure wash from there. That way the washer can stay on the dock, and he can just use the wand. Perfect plan.
4:15pm As Cody is paddling the canoe, he places one hand on the underside of the dock to pull himself forward. He very nearly comes in contact with a large, wolfy-looking spider. Feeling a little uneasy about this, he pulls his hand back and directly into the wolfy spider's mom. Or brother. (To be fair, I never got any real confirmation that they were relatives. But, according to sources, they looked nearly exactly the same. Large. Disgusting. Scary. Wolfy, by all accounts.)
4:16pm Now feeling more than a little uneasy about the Large and Wolfy spider family residing underneath the dock, Cody reaches instead for one of the tires nailed onto the sides of the dock. He grabs the inside of the tire to pull himself and the canoe around to the other side of the dock, where hopefully Large and Wolfy do not live.
4:16:35pm About 35 wasps angrily buzz out of the tire, collectively set on attacking whatever has disturbed their peace.
4:16:36pm Cody bails ship. I have honestly never before seen a human being move so fast. He later tells me that he didn't even consider what to do; one minute he was in the canoe with wasps swarming towards him, and the next he was underwater. Good instincts.
4:16:37pm I abandon the pressure washer and sprint to the end of the dock. Not the end where Cody is presumably injured and drowning. No, the end where the wasps aren't. That's where I went. What a good wife.
4:20pm Cody drags himself to the other side of the boathouse and climbs out. The canoe has floated halfway to the neighbor's dock. I tentatively return to halfway down our dock and ask if Cody is ok. He mumbles back something, and I determine that he probably is. No need to risk getting stung to find out further.
4:35pm Cody and I venture back down to the end of the dock to douse the wasp-infested tire with soapy water. The wasps are pissed. We run away. Well, I run away. Cody just kind of swats them away nonchalantly. I do not understand his complacence when faced with pissy wasps.
4:45pm We start pressure washing the side of the boathouse, sans canoe. Miraculously, more pressure has materialized, and we are now able to thoroughly clean the grime off of the boathouse from the dock. What incredible timing it has, that pressure washer.
5:25pm The boathouse looks clean. I have killed at least four wasps who dared to fly near me with the pressurized stream of water I wield. I hold ultimate power over any wasp when armed with the pressure washer. Those things really do hurt. I cut a big gash in my foot once when trying to pressure wash a pool deck. So imagine what it would do to a wasp. Just imagine.
First of all, I love it that you used the word "yellishly" in your blog. Made up words make me happy.
Now that I know of all the hard work that went into preparations for the weekend, I want to join you guys in Tyler even more. I am a bit nervous about the wolfy spider family, however.
Reading your blog made me tired...I have recently found my life to be WAY too complicated, but I realize now that I've got nothing on you. I'm just thankful that pressurized washing isn't part of my every day life. Thanks for handling it for the rest of us lazy-asses.
Posted by: Allison | July 01, 2005 at 07:36 PM
Thanks for the laugh!
Posted by: beck | July 03, 2005 at 11:33 AM
dear elise,
i'm writing you a letter in your comments. sorry. anyway, stephanie brackett told me she was homeschooled and i knew in the back of my mind she must know you and then regan asked her about it in front of me. turns out she did. so weird. we've been friends for a while and it just came up last week.
love,
heather
Posted by: heather | July 06, 2005 at 11:07 AM
dear elise,
i'm writing you a letter in your comments. sorry. anyway, stephanie brackett told me she was homeschooled and i knew in the back of my mind she must know you and then regan asked her about it in front of me. turns out she did. so weird. we've been friends for a while and it just came up last week.
love,
heather
Posted by: heather | July 06, 2005 at 11:10 AM