Pure Snobbery

Is it ever ok to be a snob?

I don't mean a snob to people.  I have historically gotten uncomfortable every single time I am around someone who is acting like a little bitch or bastard to someone.  At least when they are acting like that to the person's face.  I'm usually ok with it if it's behind their back.  You see the logic there; I won't explain it further.

But seriously, I am talking about snobs of substance.  Snobs of expertise.  Snobs of carefully studied practice.

For example, if you would have told me last week that I needed to pick out the faucet for my master bathroom sink, I probably would have said, sure, no problem.  And I wouldn't have been been intimidated to do it, either.  I would have just marched into the nearest Lowe's or Home Depot and asked the first employee I saw where the faucets were kept.  Then, if not instructed further, I would have looked at the choices, picked the one I liked best, and purchased it.  That's what I would have done.

WELL.

Didn't I know that there are like, TOTALLY better faucets out there?  I mean, what was I thinking getting the one I liked best?  In Lowe's, of all places.  Probably just picked the first one I saw, right?   Who am I to think that I have the background to judge things like that?  Do I KNOW anything about faucets?  No, no, I didn't think so.  So lay off the picking of the faucets, me.  Do us all a favor, and let the experts do it.

Yes, the experts.  There are experts.  They are the Faucet Snobs of the world, and they are out in full force, if you just try and find them.  Or in my case, if you are a total and hopeless faucet IDIOT, especially if you didn't know what an idiot you really are, they will find you and condescendingly let you know.  That you're an idiot, that is.  About faucets.  FAUCETS.

This kind of thing keeps happening to me.  I have somehow lived my entire life happily, innocently, naively, going around not knowing the first thing about which brand of toilet is best, or what internet browser works most efficiently on MacOS, or the superior type of grass to sod a lawn with, or even that using fabric softener on your towels is like, SO stupid because you'll suck the absorbency right out them, you moron!  Especially that brand of fabric softener.  Dumbass.

I have been accused in the past of being a Music Snob.  While I have secretly kind of liked that title, I have always made sure to act appropriately hurt and offended whenever it's directed at me.  But now I am reconsidering.  Maybe it's all I have.  Maybe I should embrace my Music Snobbiness, and pull my Brand Name Clothing Snobbiness to the forefront, as well.

Why not, I ask?  Everyone else has their thing, that's for certain.  I can hardly take a step in any rhetorical direction without bumping into some type of Snob.  "Hunter Ceiling Fans are the best!" says Lighting Fixture Snob.  "Well, Apples have like, a totally SUPERIOR operating system," answers Computer Snob.  "UGH," sneers Building Materials Snob. "I cannot believe you even considered that "wood construction" desk instead of this hardwood one.  Seriously?  You have got to be kidding."   "Well, look at her grocery cart," scoffs Whole Foods Snob.  "Full of canned vegetables instead of organically grown ones.  Are you really surprised?  She's obviously ignorant."

So I think my time has come.  No longer will I bite my tongue when someone starts telling me how they just heard of this new band, Coldplay, and hey, I don't think they've been around long, have you ever heard of them before?  I will not kindly avert my eyes when someone tries to buy velour sweatsuits at Sam's Warehouse and pass them off as the same as Juicy Couture.  As if.  I will expound upon the vast differences between designer jeans and discount jeans.  I will not pretend that I have "forgotten" where I got my amazing Dolce & Gabbana blouse and I will tell them that they could never hope to find anything so fashion forward in Tyler, TX.  When people ask me my opinion on the newest country-pop phenom, I will let them have it, both barrels.  I henceforth refuse to smile and nod when someone boldly asserts that Nine West shoes are “basically” the same as Charles David shoes, besides the name on the inside.  And most of all, never, ever, no matter what, will I allow Kelly Clarkson to be lauded as a respectable musical artist.  An artist.  Never again.  And you who committed this offense, you know who you are.  Prepare to be Snobbed.

Comments

ha. haha. hahaha. very clever, you.

[beck]

HAHA! The greatest thing about this post was the mention of Hunter fans. Superman and I have purchased THREE of them in the last week. THREE. From Lowe's, of course, because Home Depot is far inferior for my contractor of a husband. =)