Every once in a while, as I am surreptitiously tracking down all my stray thoughts and trying (usually in vain) to put them down on paper, or rather on Document1 - Microsoft Word, I notice a little green squiggly mark underneath a word I have typed. Green squiggly mark eh? So Microsoft, you don't think my grammar has quite reached the ultimate standard of perfection that you have so graciously bestowed upon us with your grammar check feature that I can't, for the life of me, figure out how to turn off. Fragment (consider revising)… Maybe you should consider getting a life and minding your own damn business. Maybe I wanted it to be a fragment. Ever consider that, green squiggly mark? The thing that really gets me though is that I have become a slave to it; I must right click that word to find out what, oh what, on earth I could have done to cause this infraction. Maybe I used a comma and it should have been a semi-colon - in fact, any time you see a semi-colon in anything I have written, it is strictly on the recommendation of Mr. Green Squiggly because I don't know what the fuck a semi-colon is. Is it a comma on steroids? Is it a colon that is a little light in the loafers? Both of its parents were good colons and they always knew their firstborn would become a colon but things just didn't work out.
Usually I'll accept green squigglie's offer to replace my comma with a semi-colon because hey, he is a green squiggly mark, he's done this shit before. But sometimes I'll won't. "ENOUGH!" I will declare brazenly, "I don't care what you think anymore. A comma is what belongs here, a comma is what I put and a comma it will be, if the reader feels the need to pause for longer than the generally accepted length that a comma provides for, well then by God let him pause." However, these occasions are random and completely arbitrary and the next time I will sheepishly return to green squiggly with tail tucked between legs. A semi-colon eh? Yeah you’re probably right; a semi-colon really modifies this compound sentence structure. Click.
Why oh why must I return to bow down before this idol of indiscriminate grammatical justice? 25 WHY? WHYYYYYY?????? Fragment (consider revising)
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