Explanation: "Jill says hi" was SUPPOSED to be accompanied with a picture of Dr. Jillian Vegetable, in the flesh, waving her paw at the camera. Apparently, Blogger had other ideas.
Education: I have a friend who is having anxiety attacks, and, in the spirit of encouragement, we were trading freak-out stories via email this morning. I was typing out my version of That One Time When I Totally Lost It, and realized that yes, it has been enough time! It's funny now! So I'll share it with you, in a badly written and haphazard fashion:
I was in a movie with my college boyfriend. Actually, he was my high-school boyfriend, and now we were in college, at separate colleges, trying to do that thing where you say "No, not US, we won't break up just because we moved away from each other" but then we did anyway. Anyhow, this was before the breakup, and I was visiting him at his school and we decided to go see a movie.
At some point fairly early on in the movie I got this Really Bad Feeling that something was VERY WRONG. I don't know how else to explain it, but I just felt like I had better get out of there, and fast. The only problem was that my Leaving-the-Movie-for-Unexplainable-Reasons Plan was not at all in keeping with my Keeping-the-Relationship-Alive-and-Not-Looking-Crazy Plan; a plan that was just DESTINED to fail anyway, because I AM CRAZY. Just ask Cody if you don't believe me.
So, I came up with the brilliant idea of not actually watching the movie, but just sitting there in the theatre and pretending to watch the movie. I looked at the ceiling, at the little yellow ceiling lights, I counted every seat in the theatre, and tried my absolute best to not see, hear, or experience the movie in any way, as I got panickier and more panicked and PANICKED.
The movie FINALLY ended, and we left and got into his truck and he wanted to go to this coffee shop we both liked, and I was still trying not to be CRAZY, and so I agreed, and we drove over there, and he parked the truck, and everything seemed like it was RACING BY WITHOUT SLOWING DOWN NO MATTER WHAT I TRIED, and I couldn't get out of the truck.
I tried and tried, but every time I went to open the door, a new wave of total panic and fear came over me and I was even more certain than ever that The Very Minute I Opened That Door Would Be The Moment I Died. I thought there were bad people everywhere; I thought they were in the bed of the truck; I thought they were under the cars next to me; and I was POSITIVE that they were waiting to do Something Awful.
We left the coffee shop parking lot as it was becoming clear that a nice cup of coffee was probably COMPLETELY out of the question, and he drove me to my car, whereupon I experienced the exact same paralyzing fear and again could not exit the truck. My poor, poor companion valiantly attempted to UNDERSTAND what the hell was wrong with me, a feat unlikely to be accomplished, even by the most competent of psychotherapists. I couldn't move, I couldn't stop crying, and I certainly was NOT going to get out of his truck and into my car, where there was ABSOLUTELY at least one Very Horrible Person waiting on me. The evening ended with him helping me into my car after multiple checking-to-make-sure-no-one-is-there exercises, and me crying the entire way back to Dallas.
I think coming to grips with my True Craziness Within has helped cast the light of humor upon many a situation.
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