All Or Nothing

A Holiday Happening

A Holiday Happening
as told by a Fly on the Wall


Once upon a time lived a happy family of five. In this family, which was, as beforementioned, very happy, lived three children, two boys and one girl. These children got along fabulously, and enjoyed spending time with each other whenever they could. It was, after all, a very ideal family.

One pleasant evening, the three amiable siblings were hanging around the kitchen, chatting and laughing, passing the time very agreeably all the way into the early hours of the morning. About half past one, one of the two brothers (we'll call him "Nathan") was, in good humor of course, poking fun at the other brother(we'll call him "Christopher")'s penchant for muscle-building protien drinks.

(The specific drink mix Nathan was referring to on this particularly blithe evening was called Myoplex. TM. Or whatever. Don't steal the name, or think I made it up and sue me. Some company has probably spent a lot of time and money coming up with Myoplex, so let's not ruin things by making some big copyright issue out of the fact that I'm including it in my story, and don't know how to cite it. I am, after all, only a fly on the wall.)

As this exceptional evening progressed, Nathan began to stride authoritatively around the kitchen, blessing his audience with insightful, witty, and realistic renditions of Christopher:

"I'm Christopher" (flex, flex)

"I'm a big man" (stop, pose)

"I drink Myoplex" (grunt, growl)

Christopher and his sister (we'll call her "Elise") laughed good-naturedly at Nathan's dramatic monologue, and watched in rapt attention as he continued on with his performance.

"Oooh, I'm hungry. I have to eat all day long because I'm such a big, strong man. I eat everything I see."

After uttering these profound words and allowing them to sink in, Nathan promptly devoured a Christmas cookie with green icing. He then proceeded on with his presentation, heading over to the pantry, and grabbing a packet of Myoplex chocolate powder.

(grunt) "I'm Christopher, I don't even have to drink Myoplex; I just eat it right from the packet."

As Christopher and Elise watched in amazement, Nathan, in a moment of dramatic frenzy, ripped open the packet of Myoplex and, without delay, dumped the entire contents into his open mouth.

Chaos ensued. As the highly concentrated Myoplex powder quickly solidified into a concrete-like substance, sucking up all the moisture in Nathan's mouth, tongue and throat area, a rather peculiar look came over his face.

Christopher and Elise noticed this curious expression, but were mostly laughing too hard to do anything much about it. Besides, Nathan wasn't actually doing anything except standing there and looking strange. It really didn't seem too dire.

However, unbeknownst to the elated siblings, the jauntily-progressing evening was about to take a turn for the worse.

"Phhhhaaawwwww!!" interjected Nathan suddenly, expelling from his mouth a large cloud of light brown dust into the pots and pans hanging from the kitchen ceiling.

"Uuuugggghhhhaaawwww!!" he stated, even more loudly, and accompanied this noise with even more expulsion of the light brown debris.

Christopher and Elise could not stop laughing.

As Nathan continued to litter the counters with his pharynx-dust, making strange and somewhat disturbing noises, he began stumbling about the kitchen and grabbing at his throat.
Christopher and Elise might have considered doing something to answer Nathan's weak but distinguishable cries for help intermixed with his violent coughing...If only they hadn't been laughing so hard.

Nathan's blind falter around the kitchen led him straight to the sink, where, upon realizing his location, he immediately turned on the faucet and attempted to forcefully throw the water into his mouth. In an unlikely coincidence, his coughing worsened.

"Blllaaaagggghhhh!" A green blob, covered in light brown dust erupted from the depths of Nathan's....well, from his stomach, let's be honest. The blob landed in the sink, where it sat triumphantly, still regaining most of its former Christmas cookie status, and looking as if it was taunting Nathan for ever thinking he could digest such a invincible little treat.

That prideful green cookie never knew that the Myoplex cement powder was what had led to its hasty ejection, but we all know how that saying goes.....

The green blob trickled down the drain, on its way to sewage and other kitchen-sink refuse spots of choice.

Christopher and Elise tried to scrape themselves off of the floor where their mad and uncontrollable fits of laughing had delegated them.

Nathan continued his coughing, but at a more moderate rate, and intermittently asked his loving siblings why oh why they were content to watch him go to his grave, choking, like it was some kind of comedy routine.

And I, the fly on the wall, stealthily crept into the sink to try and grab a morsel or two of that half-digested hubris-filled cookie.

The end

iPod

I would like inform everyone that I have obtained an iPod. It is an absolutely incredible device that has already brought me hours of joy. No lowly 10 gig version would do for me; I received the 20 gig version, which is truly a capacity worthy of a princess such as myself.

In the future I also plan on obtaining an Apple laptop, fully converting from the PC dark side and following in the wise footsteps of those who have led me to this revelation. Then my joy will be complete.

The Return of the King Response

In response to opening day of The Return of the King:

"It is close at hand -
a day of darkness and gloom,
a day of clouds and blackness.
Like dawn spreading across the
mountains
a large and mighty army comes,
such as never was of old
nor ever will be in ages to come.

Before them fire devours,
behind them a flame blazes.
Before them the land is like the
garden of Eden,
behind them, a desert waste -
nothing escapes them.
They have the appearance of
horses;
they gallop along like cavalry.
With a noise like that of chariots
they leap over the mountaintops,
like a crackling fire consuming
stubble,
like a mighty army drawn up for battle.

At the sight of them, nations are in
anguish;
every face turns pale.
They charge like warriors;
they scale walls like soldiers.
They all march in line,
not swerving from their course.
They do not jostle each other;
each marches straight ahead.
They plunge through defenses
without breaking ranks.
They rush upon the city;
they run along the wall.
They climb into the houses;
like thieves they enter through the windows.

Before them the earth shakes,
the sky trembles,
the sun and moon are darkened,
and the stars no longer shine.
The Lord thunders
at the head of his army;
his forces are beyond number,
and mighty are those who obey his
command.
The day of the Lord is great;
it is dreadful.
Who can endure it?"*


We, too, are part of a bigger story. And it is a wonderful and terrible story. But we cannot give up. We cannot lose sight of the extraordinary because of the everyday. We cannot forget that we are in service to a powerful, mighty, and thundering army, headed by our Lord. We have to fight with and for Him; that is our part of the only story that will ever matter.


*Joel 2:1-11

The End Of Us All!

sick. haven't any of you looked out the window today? what the heck is going on? i think it might be the end of the world as we know it.

Very Important Question

Very Important Question:

What is the best paper writing/studying music? I'm in dire need of many hours worth of this type of musical entertainment, but it's kind of tricky to find, you know? Can't have lyrics you'll really listen to a whole lot, or you'll get distracted. Can't have anything too terribly upbeat, or you'll just follow through with all your premeditated plans to drop out of school and be immediately done with finals and papers forever. Conversely, can't have anything too sleepy, because, well, then I'll be, too. So, I need help.

And, in an attempt to be just as [opposite of nerdy] as Jeff T, I'm gonna post my little countdown, as well:

6 days until Return of the King
5 days until I am DONE WITH UNDERGRAD CLASSES, FINALS, PAPERS - FOREVER!

whew.

Words

Words are interesting. They pack a lot of impact, when paired with like actions. Conversely, however, they lose pretty much all meaning when they aren't. Interesting to wonder how much the words "I am sorry" mean after the fact. Common sense and logic would tell me that they don't mean much. Regardless of whether or not they are true, they lose their meaning, after the fact.

I haven't handled some situations very well. I really try to stay away from using this blog space as airing my own personal stuff, but I feel that this is more important than that precedent.

There really isn't a lot to say about the whole deal, except that not being totally honest and open with people is never the best option, and, unfortunately, is the option I have chosen as of late. And, as I deserve, that has backfired.

I seem to have a pretty hard time making decisions about much of anything. (see) I find myself in a perpetual state of complete confusion. But that's no reason or excuse for dragging other people down with me, especially the caliber of people I have drug down.

I am sorry. To everyone involved, and that's a lot more than I even know about. I know it doesn't matter, and I know, like all other words that aren't backed up, they just turn into letters on a page, or sounds from someone's lips. But, I am sorry, nonetheless. There doesn't seem to be much more I can say.

confusion wanders in
strides the evening like a king
chaos and turmoil prevail
bedlam reigns, hope is drowned
ah but strangely we settle down
resigned to the sinking ship on which we sail....
another night is getting late
I don't know which way to go
there's just this long white road
and I can't think straight
no I can't think straight

david gray

And, here we are again

And, here we are again. It is crunch time, stress time, dive headfirst into a pool of suspended reality time, embrace your unrealistic expectations time. Yes, finals are here, and when you're taking a 22 hour class load, and have come down with a serious bout of senioritis, they weigh heavily upon you. Or at least that's what I hear.

Today was my listening exam in the fabulousness they call History of Jazz. We must have wasted at least 25 minutes waiting for the 800 or so people in the Hemmle Recital Hall to actually get up and move to the front so that we could have an empty seat between us all. And when I say that we wasted 25 minutes waiting for this to happen, what I mean is that 25 minutes went by with our instructor yelling that single instruction out, over and over, and having basically no one move at all. Eventually she gave up and started the test half an hour late, but I'd like it to be known that I, along with my colleague Jordan, moved all the way up to the fourth row. Just to be cooperative. Something should have been done to acknowledge such a sacrifice on our parts. A girl behind us noted aloud that all the students in the first five rows apparently were the only ones to either comprehend the instructions or to follow them, and therefore should be duly compensated with an automatic A. However, our professor apparently had her hands full with the difficult task of stating the question numbers, in order, from 1-50, and therefore did not pay much mind to this brave girl's suggestion. I think we had three different #37's. I hope I got one of them right.

I think the real high point of the test was when our instructor played a little rift on an instrument, interrupted herself midnote to say "Don't talk. Keep your eyes on your own paper." and then continued on as if nothing had happened.

In other news, I have come to the realization that I have more than 5,000 words to write on three different topics in the next four days. It's much like trying to organize the world's messiest room. You have to pull everything out and take full inventory of what you've got, and what you're gonna do with it before any real organization can take place. In other words, things get a whole lot worse before they ever start looking better. And that, my friends, is the fine place I've found myself in. So, from today until Wednesday at 5pm, I'll be writing. Maybe at Daybreak. Maybe at Barnes and Noble. Maybe at J&B. Maybe at the library. Maybe even at my own humble abode. Anywhere I am, though, there will only be one of two things taking place. Panicking, or writing. I'd like to think that I do a good job of alternating between the two, and giving them as equal playing time as possible. Really, it's only fair.

Wal-What?

December 1, 2003
ORANGE CITY, Fla. (AP)

A mob of shoppers rushing for a sale on DVD players trampled the first woman in line and knocked her unconscious as they scrambled for the shelves at a Wal-Mart Supercenter.

Patricia VanLester had her eye on a $29 DVD player, but when the siren blared at 6a.m. Friday announcing the start to the post-Thanksgiving sale, the 41-year-old was knocked to the ground by the frenzy of shoppers behind her.

"She got pushed down, and they walked over her like a herd of elephants," said VanLester's sister, Linda Ellzey. "I told them, 'Stop stepping on my sister! She's on the ground!'"

Ellzey said some shoppers tried to help VanLester, and one employee helped Ellzey reach her sister, but most people just continued to rush for deals.

"All they cared about was a stupid DVD player," she said Saturday.

Paramedics called to the store found VanLester unconscious on top of a DVD player, surrounded by shoppers seemingly oblivious to her, said Mark O'Keefe, a spokesman for EVAC Ambulance.

She was flown to Halifax Medical Center in Daytona Beach, where doctors told the family VanLester had a seizure after she was knocked down and would likely remain hospitalized through the weekend, Ellzey said. Hospital officials said Saturday they did not have any information on her condition.

"She's all black and blue," Ellzey said. "Patty doesn't remember anything. She still can't believe it all happened."

Ellzey said that Wal-Mart officials called later Friday to ask about her sister, and the store apologized and offered to put a DVD player on hold for her.


Oh WOW.