I've been in denial for a while now.
"Look!" I'd say. "See, you can hardly even tell it's different from the other toe. I definitely think the nail will stay on." I persevered, even though my every plea for encouragement was met with staunch negativity.
"Elise," they would say. "You popped your toenail off of your nail bed like the cap from a bottle. The nail is COMING OFF."
Still, I refused to believe it.
"I'm going on a cruise in January! To summery locales! Where I will have to swim, and wear swim-friendly attire! And sunny weather footwear! I can't prance around in a bikini and boots. The NAIL MUST STAY ON."
"It's coming off. Probably any day now. And they take months to regrow. Prepare yourself."
I've entertained various ideas involving super glue, copious amounts of nail polish, and press-on nails. I've spent time online, researching other cases of Ugly Toe, and determining how I might avoid a similar plight. And all I've received in reward for my serious study are pictures like this and this (an aside: the last picture is from that awful toe fungus medicine commercial, the one which I CANNOT watch without squirming in disgust, I mean seriously, little fungi gnomes PULLING OFF TOENAILS? How is this FCC-mandated?)
So you can see my problem. I have visions of the cruise, and of myself looking something like this (note: pretty, non-disfigured toes! ignore: aspiring to somehow look like Jessica Alba in the next 20 days is far more foreboding and troublesome than the toe issue and speaks to unaddressed and serious problems we won't even get into at this time).
I am afraid that what is actually going to happen is more like this.
Because today my stupid, traitor toenail fell off. And I am leaving for the cruise in, like, 20 days.
Maybe it's for the best, though. I think that second girl looks like she could be lots of fun to hang out with. I mean, as long as you aren't male, superficial, interested in being taken seriously, or the type who cares about personal hygiene and, you know. Ugly toes, wrinkly toe-skin that no one should ever see, or being disgusted on a fairly consistent basis. Stuff like that.