It's time for everyone's favorite - Weird Google Search Terms!
Oh thank goodness, I don't think I could stomach another one of those long-winded emo posts. Have you noticed she's gone really downhill lately? I used to think she was funny! Well, sort of funny anyway.
Hey! I can hear you. Shut up. Everyone gets emo sometimes.
I know, right? I mean, the whole "why I love Radiohead" short post was one thing - obviously stupid filler, but whatev. But then she posts some weird reflecty picture and then starts going on about how she wants to do something but she can't do nothing or maybe it was reversed - I honestly just kind of skimmed it because I got super bored and then I clicked through to Perez. I think Lindsay Lohan is a lesbian now?
Yeah, I totally read that too! You know who else is funny, it's that What Would Tyler Durden Do guy. I mean, sometimes he's super rude and says that non-fat girls are actually fat, and they're SO not, and then I start thinking "am I fat?" but I know I'm totally not, so, you know. I rise above it.
This is spinning out of control. My hypothetical bored readers are actually turning out to be kind of stupid, and are also taking over my entire post. I already said we were doing Weird Google Search Terms and you KNOW that's pure entertainment even I can't mess up. And in regards to LiLo, I think she's just going through a weird phase. BECAUSE PEOPLE GO THROUGH THEM. Try to be a little more sensitive. Jerks.
And without further delay, from stupid hypothetical readers or otherwise: May's Weird Google Search Terms! As always, I remain committed to helping you, dear Internet searchers, who have stumbled your way onto my site with your probing, difficult questions.
****Many of you seem to be concerned about your toes. 154 of you, in fact, found me in the exact same way: by typing "ugly toes" into your browser. Others had more specific queries:****
is there surgery available to make ugly toes look pretty?
And the answer to your question is probably. I mean, I don't know, because A) I'm no doctor and B) I don't have ugly toes. And therefore I don't want or need ugly toe surgery. In fact, I have pretty toes, and have, upon several occasions, counted them among my favorite parts. I mean, if I had to give you one piece of advice it would probably be to just have better genetics. That's really your best bet.
i have ugly toes help
Sorry sweetheart. Same advice as above goes for you. Better genetic structure would have been a good idea, but since you're probably too late for that, you may very well be doomed to closed-toe shoes for life. Either that, or some sort of high-risk cosmetic toe surgery. I heard the last guy DIED on the table from that though, so, you know. Do with that what you will.
pulled toenails off will they grow
Sooo.....you PULLED them off, eh? And your biggest concern, after forcefully and violently removing your own toenails, is whether or not they'll grow back? Someone has their priorities wrong!
ugly little toenail why
I know, honey, I know. I feel your pain and despair - the way you threw that "why" on at the end was heartbreaking. Why indeed, cruel world? Why must your little toenail be so ugly? Why do so many suffer needlessly? I don't have these answers. But I do have black toenail polish, and I gotta tell you, when my toenail got pulled off by the weatherstripping on the door, that black polish saved me. I'd invest in some, if I were you. I mean, if $3.99 could solve all of the world's problems, we would be in such a happier place.
weatherstripping ripped toenail off
Yeah yeah, me too. Don't be trying to one up me on my own blog, k?
****Spiders and other bugs seem to concern many of you as well:****
a spider that looks like poop
How can you be sure it's not just...poop? I mean, CAN you? I'd say if it's got legs, and is moving around, it's more than likely not poop, but maybe just a spider who got covered in poop and is simply trying to get cleaned off. And there you are, not even sure what's poop and what's not, but going ahead and passing judgment on the poor spider's looks. Maybe to the spider, YOU look like poop. Huh? Yeah, that's what I thought. Be nicer.
bugs and spiders from the past
Because we don't have enough of them in the present? I'd venture that NPW would disagree with you, there.
what happens to spiders after they have been put down at the vet
The vet tech scrapes them off the bottom of his shoe.
little bugs that live in my couch!!!!!!!
Is this a call to action? It certainly isn't much of a question. Maybe you're just venting. If you're really trying to get in touch with the bugs in your couch though, I'm not sure typing to them via Google is the way to go. Maybe put some crumbs down in the cracks of the couch cushions, let the little bugs know you appreciate them, and THEN go about asking them to do whatever it is you're wanting.
****And finally, the truly random questions:****
7 girls each girl has 7 back packs each back packs 7 large cats each large cats has 7 kitters
Fun, it's either a math problem or a riddle. Let's see, 7 girls, 7 backpacks, 7 large cats in each backpack, 7 kitte...r...s. And then we're done. At my count, we had 147 items, but then you either got bored or realized that you didn't know how to spell KITTENS, so there wasn't much hope for you getting the problem solved. And for that burst of insight, I commend you.
how do i know if its black tar heroin?
Well, I'd guess if it's kind of black...and sticky...does it smell like asphalt? That's what I imagine would be a dead giveaway. For a heroin addict, you seem awfully picky.
skin saver of tornedo
I just have absolutely no idea. I don't know if you think natural disasters are good for your skin, or if this is simply a case of violently awful spelling. Or maybe it's something awesome that I haven't ever heard of. I did a quick search myself and turned up a site about Yo Yo repair. Does that help?
sleep late is good for the 61 person
I like to sleep late. Does that make me the 61 person? If not, how do I BECOME the 61 person, because everyone seems to be on board with that dude getting more sleep.
too lazy to do anything but die
Well, there you have it, then. I guess your course is all laid out for you. It may take a while though, if you're truly planning on expending NO effort. I guess you're okay with that, though? Yeah, you are.
i love black tar heroin
Google: taking confessions of all types since 1998.
two penguins in a bathtub one says pass the ketchup
What's the punchline though? That's what makes me mad, when these jokesters leave me hanging like that. Does it have something to do with a polar bear? If this is gross, and I am just totally missing it, email me, okay?
you and me have a better time
Yeah we really do, don't we?
Did I answer your question? If not, don't despair. We'll do this again next month, right here at All Or Nothing. Thanks for playing, and we'll see you soon.