Well, this is gonna be weird. My Tivo didn't record the episode, and by the time I realized this, there weren't even any repeats to record until like 5pm today. Can you imagine? It's a total middle-class tragedy. So, I am watching this episode in little clips and will cobble together my recap from those. Ooh, it's kind of exciting, isn't it? Maybe this one won't be so horrendously long*.
To review: last week was the drag queen challenge, Joe-The-Only-Straight-Male won, and Daniel got kicked off, much to my relief. I also promised the Project Runway gods that if they WOULD kick off Daniel, I would speak only kind words towards Stella/Blayne. And then I tried to take it back, and asked y'all if you would absolve me of that promise. The response was sketchy, so I'm not sure where we stand with that. I guess I'll have to see how much they provoke my ire today.
Annnd, we're off and running. Inside Atlas Apartments, Leanne looks like she's going to puke and Kenley cries to the camera about how Daniel, her best friend, is gone. Daniel, the one she LAUGHED AT DURING JUDGING, ON THE RUNWAY. Yeah, he's her best friend. Methinks Kenley meant to say "only". Keith tries to make fashion design sound honorable: "I want to change the way the world dresses". Yes Keith, that really WOULD make the world a better place. Forget poverty, disease, wars, famine...just make sure everyone has paper-shredded dresses and pretty soon we'll all be holding hands, swaying back and forth, and singing Kumbaya.
Heidi's wearing a deconstructed circus tent! Made into (guess what) a mini-dress. It's time for the model-swap - is anyone going to steal someone else's model? Nope, Joe keeps his model. Okay, so what's the challenge? The designers have to go to the rooftop of some building on 31st St. and they'll find out. Everyone walks to 31st, Reservoir Dogs style, and discovers that the building in question is a parking garage. And the rooftop of this parking garage is...a parking lot! With cars. And there's Tim, standing next to the lead color designer for Saturn, who is very, very short and wearing an unfortunate shirt.
The challenge is to somehow make an outfit using parts from these Saturn Hybrid cars, because the cars are made out of recyclable materials. Or something like that. The designers are all given a big bag and have...four minutes? that can't be right...to gather as much raw material from the car as possible. Terri laments that she forgot her blow-torch, and Stella looks like she's either confused or extremely angry. Maybe Stella's daddy "worked on cars" and she has bad memories of stripping them for parts?
(See what I did there, aiming my snark towards Stella's dad? Genius!)
In their mad dash for spare car parts, Blayne notes that there are tons of seatbelts all piled up, and he thinks they look beautiful. I think Blayne may be on to something, but then I see that many of the designers bags are full of seatbelts. Oh great, are they going to be like the infamous tablecloth debacle of episode one? Joe is from Motor City so he feels this challenge is right up his alley. I think Joe does better when things AREN'T right up his alley, so this probably doesn't bode well for him. Jerell is wearing a tank top I wish I had in my closet, and he is gathering something that isn't seatbelts, so I'm hoping for the best with him. Oh no, Stella. She says (and I quote): "Buh-dup-de-dup, I'm nawt rushin' around like a fool. I'm nawt moovin'." She's also wearing what looks like a black tank top coupled with...black sleeves. But not full sleeves. Just up-to-the-armpit sleeves. See, if I just report facts about Stella, it's okay!
The designers haul all their car crap back to Parsons and Tim tells them they will have until midnight that night to work, and also that the winner of this challenge gets immunity. Keith should be happy about this, since last week he was complaining that he should have had immunity from his win the week prior. Merely having Brooke Shields wear his atrocious outfit on national television wasn't enough of a prize for him.
Everyone tries to figure out what they'll make from their headlights, car seats, and carburetors. People are smashing their parts on the floor, breaking things into pieces, and Blayne feels that the atmosphere is "experimental". We haven't seen Stella in this montage, so one can only assume she's off experimenting herself. What? WITH THE CAR PARTS!
Keith gives what may be the MOST conceited interview ever, wherein he simultaneously curses the judges and says he's sick of his clearly superior outfits not getting the credit they deserve. Wow, Keith. Really? REALLY?
Stella finally makes an appearance and announces that she's confused. I'm backing away from this one, slowly....
Finally, we see someone sewing, and it's Suede! He does insist on employing the exceptionally annoying term "wackadoodle", though, so I guess he's right back to neutral in my book. Oh my gosh, I spoke too soon, Suede is SO FAR from neutral in my book. He just spoke in the 3rd person (thought we were over this, dude), gave a detailed run-down of his various car-part-inflicted injuries, and tried to seduce the camera by giving a come-hither look and saying something about "bleeding for his passion, baby". TRIPLE OR QUADRUPLE YUCK.
Back from commercial break (maybe...I am still cobbling together these clips, so I could be out of order) the designers finally seem to have some idea of what they'll make. Stella, wearing a twee leather cap, announces that she's going to do something different, something pretty. I would love to see that, Stella, truly. Suede is making a one-shouldered something, Keith is still whining about how he's having to design for the judges and he's not comfortable with that, and Korto is laying the seatbelts out in a sort of basketweave pattern and saying she feels innovative, apparently unaware that Seatbelt Bags have been on the market for ages.
Kenley is drawing zebra stripes on something that looks like it might be an air filter bag or maybe a sun-shade. She is snarking about how everyone else is using the seatbelts, but not her! No sirree. I actually kind of like the zebra print idea, though, so I guess we'll see how this turns out. Leanne's sketch looks super awesome - girl can draw, that's for sure. I am pretty excited to see her design completed. Stella remarks that she feels her design is going to look like something from Planet of the Apes. And yet, she doesn't seem upset by this. She makes another twee hat and puts it on Blayne's head, who immediately starts parading around and quoting Darth Vader. Blayne LOOOVES him some Darth Vader.
Putting seatbelts through a commercial sewing machine doesn't work, who knew? Terri asks Keith how he thinks her design looks thus far, and he snaps back with "dunno if you want to trust MY taste, apparently it's questionable". The horse you're beating, Keith? It's way dead. Terri tells the camera that she NEEDS Project Runway, because she doesn't want to go back to her old job. And with that one little statement, Terri, your wish will almost certainly come true!
Finally, something dramatic happens that I actually do consider to be somewhat tragic: Kenley's gorgeous model Shannone, otherwise known as "the only reason Kenley's designs ever looked good", has had to drop out of the competition. Kenley will now have to use Jermaine (is that right?) and the girls have completely different body shapes. Kenley focuses her complaints on fitting issues, but what I would be wanting to say if I were her is "SHANNONE WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ANY OF YOU, OMG, NOW I AM GONNA LOSE". Because that's actually the truth.
Tim comes in for his mid-design checkup, and he is mostly pleased. He had taken the designers to task at the beginning of this episode, saying basically that the reason they were given another chance at "innovative" was because of how mightily they all sucked it up on the first (grocery store) challenge. But now that he's seen what they're doing with the car parts, he's pleased. Standouts include Leanne, Jerell, and Korto (although I personally am not a fan of Korto's, at least at this stage). Tim is worried about Blayne (says he has tons of work to do), Stella (says he doesn't get it at all and that it needs to be taken MUCH further) and Keith (says that Keith needs to believe in his design, because Keith is STILL whining).
Just in case we weren't completely fed up with Keith, we get to see a little montage where he displays a real need for anger management classes, an ability to scare all the other designers with his temper, and another facet of his horribly cocky attitude: "I know we're all here to win", Keith says, "but I just deserve it more than any of them do". Well!
Stella's boyfriend is named Ratbones. STELLA'S BOYFRIEND, IS NAMED: RATBONES. Ratbones.
Runway day, and we're back at Parsons. The models are sent in and the designers have an hour to send them to hair and makeup and finish up. Okay. So Keith, even taking the editing-to-make-him-appear-mean in mind, is being a TOTAL jerk. He dresses his model in a super-tight skirt (is it also made of seatbelts?) and instructs her not to sit down. She then heads off to get her hair and makeup done, and the hair and makeup people (obviously) make her sit down. I mean, these models are like 5'11", and I seriously doubt the hair and makeup people have stilts on hand. Anyway, Keith's model comes back into the design room and informs Keith that she has a tiny tear in the skirt. Keith totally rips her for sitting down (did you sit down? I knew you would sit down! Are you stupid?) and then tells the camera that he gave a model (said VERY condesendingly) a simple task and he would have hoped she could have followed directions. Also that he knows it's a competition for the models, too, but it's clearly not as important. As it is for him. Because he's Keith. He does manage to fix the tear (it looks like it was right on a seam, so big freaking deal, Keith) and then instructs his model to "watch the breathing", as he pats her on her non-existent tummy. Nice.
It's runway time, and Heidi (wearing a relatively normal-looking strapless dress - short - is there any other way?) introduces the judges. This week we're missing Nina, but a stunning Laura Bennett (from season 3, one of my favorite Project Runway designers ever), is filling in for her. We've got Michael Kors as always, and the guest judge is the Icky Rachel Zoe, celebrity stylist and drug-pusher extraordinairre. Seriously, I DESPISE Rachel Zoe. She's unattractive, she has horrible skin and teeth (that's what happens when you live on crystal meth and coffee, kids!), she has a track-record of turning her celebrity clients into eating-disordered freaks, and she's a horrible person, to boot. Why she is even on this show is beyond me. She's totally trashy, and she sounds like she just woke up from a 72-hour bender, smoked three packs of Marlboro Reds, and dragged herself into the judging chair. Classy Laura looks like she's inching her chair away from Zoe's, possibly afraid of catching something from her. Gross.
The runway show begins and my thoughts are as follows, again in PASS/FAIL format:
Jerell - doesn't even look like it's made out of car parts, is kind of space-agey and very well-fitted. Pass!
Keith - yawnfest. It's a tan skirt and a cream sleeveless top, and the back has something weird going on. He's right that it doesn't look like it's made from a car, but he's wrong when he says it's well constructed. Anytime the rebellious act of breathing causes your skirt to fall apart, the construction is probably not stellar. FAIL!
Terri (who is wearing a Yoko Ono shirt) - pants and a black high-necked halter-esque top. She says she was going for tough and biker and she totally pulls that off. Pass.
Kenley - without Shannone, her outfit looks significantly worse. As expected. The zebra-print layer looks just like air filters stapled on top of a pencil skirt, and the rest of the outfit is okay, but no more exciting than Keith's. I'd say fail, but that's more because I don't like Kenley. I bet it passes.
Leanne - wow. This is seriously awesome. The construction looks impeccable, the design is really cool, the model wears it well - PASS, and should be WIN.
Suede - looks like an ice-dancing outfit, but it's alright. She just needs a pair of skates and some cheesy music and it would be perfection. Pass.
Korto - very similar silhouette to her past designs (kind of A-line with Kimono-style sleeves) and it still just reminds me of those Seatbelt Bags every time I look at it. But there's nothing wrong with it, and it seems well put-together, so pass.
Blayne - says he wants to design outside of "Blaynewood", and I guess he did. This dress is long, made of seatbelts, has broken glass scattered across the bodice, and is ill-fitting. I guess the only thing it has in common with his other designs is the "ill-fitting" part. The boob-region is all wonky. I'm not sure, but if construction is important, this one will fail.
Joe - typically well-done, and also typically not all that interesting. I'm not sure why he did the leather with logo right across her chest, as it makes her look like an advertising fembot for Saturn, but I guess overall it's an okay look. Who really knows, but I'll go with pass.
Stella - this is the first design she has EVER sent down the runway that I didn't immediately recoil from in disgust. So I guess that means it's alright. Which ALSO means the judges probably won't like it and if she gets kicked off for finally making something decent, I am going to lose all faith in the show. Of course that was halfway accomplished when Rachel Zoe tottered onstage, so whatever. Oh yeah, Stella - pass.
Heidi says Terri, Suede, Joe, and Kenley are safe. Meaning she wants to talk with Jerell, Leanne, Blayne, Stella, Keith, and Korto.
First up is Jerell, and everyone loves his design. They say he really gave his model a "look", and although the styling (a mile-high ponytail) might be over the top, it totally works. Heidi gushes that it's wearable (probably because the skirt comes down about 1" below delicate lady-parts, and that's how Heidi rolls). Rachel Zoe also likes it, saying it's very impressive. Jerell is happy.
Next up is Blayne and Laura, my lady, points out the bad fit around the boobs. Heidi wants to know if Blayne considered this old adage when he was making his dress: break a mirror and suffer 7 years of no sex. Hmm, I had always heard "luck" but maybe that's the way it goes in Germany or something. Korto's seatbelt dress provokes a good response from the judges, leading Rachel-the-Hoe to announce that she would wear it out of the house immediately and can't believe it's made from car parts. Really, Rachel? Because it's clearly made of seatbelts. Clearly.
Leanne is up next, and as I was hoping, the judges LOVE her dress. Seriously, it is amazing. In fact, I will even venture to say that it is the Very Best thing we have seen this entire season of Project Runway. If she doesn't win, I will eat my hat. Where does that phrase come from, anyway?
Upon closer inspection of Stella's outfit, it's really pretty bad. It's not nearly as trashy as normal, but the skirt looks like it's coming apart in several different places, and none of the judges think that the skirt and the vest look like they belong together. It's like on Sesame Street - one of these things is not like the other...
Oh Keith. This is just embarrassing to watch. None of the judges are blown away by his outfit, and as I noted, the "something weird" going on in the back does turn out to be weird. And bad. Some kind of netting thing that doesn't fit right and makes the model look like she's got back-fat. "Anyway", Keith says, in that annoying try-to-disguise-it-as-a-cough voice, "you should have seen my design last week". Laura, (MY girl!) says "excuse me?" Yeah, Laura's not letting you get away with that passive-aggressive shite, Keith. When Keith continues to complain about being "insulted" by the judges last week, MK takes him to school, giving him a lesson on letting criticism roll off his back. The judges look annoyed, the fellow designers look uncomfortable, and Keith hangs his head in defeat. The cocky ones always fall the hardest.
The designer are sent offstage, and the judging continues. Nothing really new to report, other than the fact that MK seems to have gotten seriously annoyed with Keith's whine-fest onstage, and says it's ridiculous and insane to blame your total lack of concept on the model and the critic. YOU make your own destiny. Oh yeah! Everyone is brought back out and the results are:
Winner: Leanne! Yes! Thank goodness, too. Leanne dances offstage where she seems truly grateful for her win and is endearing. Korto, on the other hand, looks pissed that she didn't win. I think she should be glad to even be in the top.
Loser: Keith. Now this is kind of shocking, actually. It came down to him and Stella (who was in those awful striped leggings AGAIN), and as much as Keith deserves bad things due to his attitude, I think he's clearly a better designer than Stella. He mumbles something when the announcement is made, but I can't understand it. He kisses Heidi, per custom, and kind of sideways waves to MK, who gives him an annoyed smirk. Yow. There seems to be no love lost there. Ugh, I want to rejoice over Mean Keith leaving, but instead I just feel sorry for him. Sure, he's got a major case of Victim's Mentality, but he clearly LOVES fashion, and this "Auf" has come as as big of a shock to him as anyone. Sorry, Keith, I really am.
*Umm, clearly this did not happen.